Alphabetically
Three Extremes (2004)- This is an Asian omnibus with three shorts, each one from a different director and country. Story one is ‘Dumplings’ from Hong Kong. It is the story of an aging actress who will do (or eat) anything to stay young. This one, although not overtly gory, is ‘covertly’ gory and will make you squirm with discomfort (exploitation like I guess). And the end, although a tad predictable, should really ‘put the hook in you’... sorry... I’ll give it a very strong A. Up next was ‘Cut’ from South Korea, a brutal story about a man who has gone totally insane and holds a director and his wife hostage because the director is rich and a good man, and if rich people can also be good, then what do the poor have left? Weird, dark, and brilliantly acted this is a must see for fans of movies like "Saw". I’ll give it an A+. Last was "Box" from Japan. I’m not sure what the Hell this was about. A couple of young sisters are in a small kabuki like ballet. One accidentally kills the other and has nightmares about the rest of her life, will those nightmares come true? I have no idea! This was just surreal, but I have to say, it worked for me. This definitely ain’t for everyone, but if you like ‘em artsy and weird then you’ll like this one. I am going to give it an A+ because it has stuck with me. So I’ll average this out to an A+.
Five Dolls for an August Moon (1970)- Bava goes artsy mod on us and it fails. Sure the film for the most part ‘looks’ good, it is Bava after all, and some of the black humor works (the bodies dangling in the walk in freezer), but Bava seems to get lost in the look and forgets the story, and I won’t even get into the acid jazz Hammond B3 drenched soundtrack! Anyway, a rich guy has some friends over to his island and hopes he will be able to buy a formula from a visiting chemistry professor. The professor won’t budge with regard to selling and the visitors start dying off. Bava was often almost as good as Hitch but he just tried to be too ‘hip’ on this one. D.
13 Curses (2002)- A moody Spanish piece with a mistranslated title. It should have been 13 bells, or 13 chimes or something like that. Anyway, a young boy sees his mother kill his father at straight up midnight and the local cathedral's bell tolls 13 times instead of 12. He is then haunted by that memory. When he returns home he finds is mother suffering from schizophrenia and in a mental ward. He begins to show the same symptoms. Is his dad still haunting them both? Did his mother actually kill his father? Did the bell toll 13 times? This was a pretty good and fairly original movie. The twist at the end was a little bit of a let down but not enough to ruin it. Good acting and directing keep it afloat, although it was a little slow paced in parts. I don't know if there is an English version, I watched subtitles. B+.
13 Ghosts (1959)- This is a decent enough William Castle flick. A man on the brink of bankruptcy inherits his uncle’s old mansion, tax-free no less, and moves his family in. His uncle’s lawyer warns him that his uncle found a way to capture and keep ghosts and that the house currently has 12 ghosts and is looking for a 13th. Undeterred that family moves in and deals with the ghosts and the weird maid (played by the Wicked Witch of the West). It’s also entirely possible that there is a stash of cash in the house and someone is trying to drive the family out, is that someone of this world or of the next... or both? When played at the movies this flick required viewers to use glasses in order to see the ghosts (the characters on screen also have to wear goggles to see the ghosts), which amounted to another Castle gimmick. This is typical 50s Castle material, no body is trying too hard or taking the material too seriously but it works in a fun old school way. Remade in 2001. B.
13 Ghosts (2001)- An interesting approach to the ghost story. An eccentric rich guy captures spirits with the help of scientific gear and a guy with ESP. He stores the spirits in his all glass house's basement and can see them if he wears special glasses. So what does he have in plan for them? His nephew's family will find out the hard way I'm afraid. Yeah it's a little silly and although it never falls into camp or black comedy status, you know no one is taking this too seriously, which works in this case. The ghosts are interesting looking, albeit a little over the top at times and the acting and effects are good. This is a good flick for what it is, which is an over the top ghost story in the "House on Haunted Hill"/ "Ghost Busters" vein. B.
20 Million Miles to Earth (1957)- Classic Harryhausen effects fill out this flick about an egg brought back from Venus by tough guy know-it-all 1950s style macho astronauts. The egg hatches and earth’s atmosphere the lizard like creature grows big rapidly. Scientists try and save the creature but in the end it becomes too big and powerful and the military shows up. Yeah, this is typical 50s sci-fi fodder but it probably one of the better films because of Harryhausen’s creature. I dug this one quite a bit for what it is. B+
28 Days Later (2002)- Do gooders want to free some chimps that are being experimented on. Someone at the lab that catches them and warns them about a virus they carry. They ignore him and release the chimps. The chimps attack everyone. Now it's 28 day later and London has been evacuated. A bike delivery rider awakens from a coma and has no idea what's going on. We find out the virus Rage has run rampant across England, turning those infected into violent maniacs. An extremely effective turn in the zombie sub-genre (though they are technically not zombies), I think this is one of the best horror movies to come along in a long time. Great sets, great acting, and a look at the problems of food, water, power, and companionship that other zombie movies have swept under the rug. Very powerful stuff. A+.
28 Weeks Later (2007)- "28 Days Later" was a brutal film and a nice twist on the zombie/I Am Legend/Omega Man genre. "28 Weeks Later" is even more brutal and is one of the tensest films I’ve seen in quite a while. It picks up during the initial outbreak. Several people are holed up in a cottage in the country when the inevitable attack occurs. What follows is probably the 2nd most intense intro to a horror movie since the remake of "Dawn of the Dead". 28 weeks later and England is being repopulated, with great caution, and of course, too soon as scientists still know next to nothing about the Rage virus. As it turns out, some people can be carriers without showing symptoms. And of course, all Hell soon breaks loose. One doctor thinks she has someone genetically able to carry the virus without the symptoms, but will she live long enough to get them to safety? This movie is very violent, as should be expected, and it is well acted (for the most part) and well directed. There are a couple of weak spots and one or two "That wouldn’t happens" but suspend a little belief and this is a great horror ride. Not as good as the first but pretty close. A strong A.
30 Days of Night (2007)- I’ve been saying for a while someone needs to get back to the old school Nosferatu version of the vampire. Somewhere along the line, I guess because of Bela’s version of Dracula, the vampire become all about sex and erotica. I appreciate that version but I also like the true ‘horror’ version as well, and here we have one. A group of vampires attacks Barrow, Alaska, a town so far north that it stays dark for an entire month. We start slow, with a stranger in town, steeling cell phones, killing sled dogs, doing the dirty work before it gets dark. Suspense builds as the power goes out and the sheriff finds the man that runs the power plant decapitated. Then we go from suspense to all hell breaking loose as the vampires attack the town. A small group of townsfolk, including the sheriff and his estranged wife, elude the vampires, but can they make it for 30 days? Yeah, there are some plot holes and some things that won’t hold up under too much scrutiny but come on, it’s a vampire movie. I liked this one and felt like the vampires were very effective, the suspense was good, and the acting and plot worked. A-.
6th Sense, The (1999)- This kid is WEIRD! What is his problem anyway? Luckily he has a brilliant award winning child psychologist in Bruce Willis looking out for him, who soon finds out the kid's problem is he sees "dead people". They give him clues about things they want alive people to know. Problem solved, or maybe it's just beginning for Bruce. This movie is very well acted by everyone involved, there is great suspense and some genuine scares. Watch it closely; it's an M. Night (Jenny's second favorite director behind Tim Burton) movie. Speaking of Jenny, we saw this movie the same day we saw "The Blair Witch Project" in a horror movie double feature weekend. That was a fun time for several reasons the least of which isn't the fact I give both movies an A+.
7th Victim, The (1943): Very interesting and very dark Val Lewton flick. A girl's sister disappears and is no longer paying her way at school, she decides to head to the big city to find her. She meets a load of strange characters that each probably represent something but I won't get into that. (Although it is interesting that Beaver's dad Ward Cleaver is in the film and his last name happens to be Ward in the film, OK, not that interesting but a nice trivia question.) Anyway, one thing leads to another and it turns out her sister ran with some... Well now, I really don't want to give too much away. Lewton flicks are deliberately paced, which is a good kind of slow if you like mystery and suspense and this one is no exception. Plus it has a pretty dark non-Hollywood ending. A+
4108 (2007)- Uh oh. Another movie based on a Stephen King story. In my opinion they haven’t had much luck with those lately. This one is about a writer... of course... who writes reviews of hotels, motels, bed and breakfasts, etc. that claim to be haunted. He basically writes tour guides to people who want to stay somewhere scary, even though he himself doesn’t buy any of it. You see his daughter recently died... of course... so he’s pretty bitter and has lost all faith. Then he gets a strange postcard... of course... warning him about room 4108 in the Dolphin Hotel. He goes, and despite the warnings, bribes, and pleadings of the hotel’s manager, he stays in room 4108, and yes, it is very haunted... of course. Despite the predictability of this it was a pretty effective movie. There are no "it was built on an Indian Burial Ground" nonsensical explanations as to why the room is bad, it is just an "evil room" and it plays on people’s biggest fears until they are forced to commit suicide. Interesting idea. And it also has a very nice twist ending that worked for me anyway. A-.
Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)- The second in Herschel Gordon Lewis’ ‘Blood Trilogy’ ("Blood Feast" and "Color Me Red" being the other two), these films mark the spot where on screen gore began being part of the horror genre. This flick is about a town of 2000 people who are celebrating a centennial (they always seem a little hesitant to say exactly what it is the anniversary of). To celebrate they trick some "Yankees" into driving into town and then promise them a grand time, and instead torture and kill them in odd and brutal ways (and we find out it is the centennial of the Northern Army destroying the town in the Civil War). The film was way ahead of its time, predating similar flicks like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Last House on the Left" by 10 or so years, however, keep in mind that this is low budget drive in movie stuff. It is injected with a silly script, bad acting, and some terrible camera work. Still, it works really well on a lot of levels, a great story, and some great over the top characters (especially the mayor) and plenty of goofy black humor to go around. It is an important horror film and great for lovers of bloody cheese! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Abandoned, The (2006)- One of the "8 Films To Die For" Horror fest, this is a very well made movie with some good scares, great atmosphere, and effective acting. The story, while not terribly original, is done in a very original way. A woman inherits her mother’s property. Her mother was killed just after her birth and she knows nothing of her biological parents other than they lived in Russia. So she heads back to the Russian boonies to check out the property and confront her destiny, which was supposed to have been fulfilled 40 years before. Yes, this was a well made, originally presented movie, but when it was all said and done, I didn’t dig it all that much. It was just a little too ‘convoluted’. There were scenes, flashbacks, events, and sounds that just didn’t really fit and I started getting that feeling the director was just trying to prove how clever he was at the expense of the movie. The suspense and scares work, the art attack directing falls a little short. C-.
Aberration (1997)- A biologist is trying to figure out what's going on to the wildlife in a mountain area. A woman has moved into a cabin to spend the winter there, does she have something to hide? And just exactly what is going on out there in the mountains? Maybe some kind of mutant is eating everything. This movie wavers between trying to be scary and trying to be funny and fails at both. Bad acting and senseless events all lead nowhere. Fun to rip on though. F
Abominable Dr. Phibes, The (1971)- Price plays Dr. Phibes, a psychopath genius that is believed dead. He blames several doctors for his wife's death and sets out getting his revenge using the seven plagues of Egypt as inspiration. Man they would come up with a lot of interesting ways to kill people in these movies (and modern movies like "Se7en" and "Saw" would pick up on that). The movie has that odd 60s psychedelia going for it, which works sometimes and gets old sometimes. Price plays the part with strange restraint (his character can't talk) and the sets are equally strange. Somehow, between the weirdness it still all works. The camp relief of the bungling police is a nice touch too. The same theme would be developed further in "Theatre of Blood" and to some extent in "Madhouse". A-.
Alien (1979)- This has been called a 'haunted house in space' movie and the tag line "In space no one can hear you scream" bares that out. A plot similar to Hammer's "Quartermass Xperiment" has aliens using humans as hosts for their young. The effects still hold up, as does Giger's Alien design (when I went back and looked up the year this was released I was actually surprised it came out in 1979, it holds up really well). A mining company's ship is rerouted after it receives an SOS signal, which in time turns out to actually be a warning. The ship's crew investigate and find a hive of alien eggs, eventually an alien hatches on board the ship, and what follows is sci-fi horror at its best. Many have said this movie took what was best about "Star Wars" and what was best about "Halloween" and put them together. That'd be more or less right. One of my favorites. A+.
Alien Resurrection (1997)- I saw this in the theatre when it first came out and I liked it quite a bit. When I recently caught it again on satellite I was less impressed. Ripley is cloned and brought back to life so the military scientists can get the alien queen inside her and begin breeding aliens for their own nefarious deeds. The military types are all over the top sadistic bad guys. Enter the unruly crew of a freighter, or are they pirates, either way they are a wild bunch who take no guff from anyone, and of course, they are the good guys, sort of, somehow. Anyway, the aliens are learning quickly and soon escape, wreak havoc, and breed a new odd hybrid alien. Action space adventure cliché ensues. Not terrible but it is a long fall from the original. C-.
Alien Vs. Predator (2004)- I like the Alien franchise and I liked the first Predator so I really wanted to see this one. This falls in the 'could've been good' file. Hollywood is stuck in the rut with these flicks and the action star wannabes in them. Let's see we've got the crazy adventurers who don't follow rules, we've got the sensitive scientist who's never wrong but is always ignored, we've got the guide who knows better (perfect love interest for the sensitive scientist), and tying them all together is the greedy capitalist. Apparently every several thousand years or so the Predators hatch Aliens in humans and then hunt them. Never mind the plot holes, the predictable nature of the movie covers those up. People die, Aliens die, Predators die, etcetc. The queen Alien was cool though. D.
American Psycho (2000)- A satiric look at consumerism and ‘one-up-manship’ through the eyes of an 80s Wall Street broker, which seems more relevant today than it did in 2000 when the movie was made, or in 1987 when the movie is set. Here was have Patrick Bateman, a very successful broker who has it all, great apartment, even though he knows people who have a better one, a great office, still not as good as some, great business cards, even though some people have better ones... and so on. No matter what material goods he gets, he still cannot be satisfied, so murder and eventually torture and cannibalism seem to be the only way he can feel anything. He is a serial killer in every aspect, from the sloppiness of covering up (they always ‘want’ to get caught right?), to conflicted reasoning for why he does what he does and the superficial guilt of knowing what he does is wrong, but not being remorseful of it, and of course the fact no one would believe he was really like that. This movie is a black comedy, a sad and satiric look at crassness, shallowness, and consumerism. This isn’t new territory (Romero has been down this road quite a few times, but none better than "Dawn of the Dead") but here we are literally and figuratively beaten over the head with it. From the business card rivalry to the need for a table in the best restaurants to over analysis of goofy pop music (treating it like some philosophically deep opera) we are reminded that much of our society suffers from any real depth or true feeling, but is instead a manufactured, perfected, and fake attempt at lending meaning to the meaningless, depth to the shallow, and truth to the false. A mere carbon copy of something already suffering from imperfection, and this movie, although admittedly over the top, succeeds wholesale in this. No, you never develop any real pathos for the characters so what happens to them doesn’t really matter; you will have little or no emotional investment... and isn’t that really the whole point? PLOT SPOILER! In the end we are left to believe that Patrick must not have killed anyone at all, and just fantasized it all (even though he has totally succumbed to the fantasy and has become completely paranoid), however, keep in mind that one of the recurring themes of the movie is that no one really knows who anyone is, so maybe the lawyer didn’t have dinner with Allan. If you don’t like movies that don’t resolve you won’t like this ending. I’d like to give this an A+ but I’m going to dock it a little for being a tad too over the top, thereby losing some of its impact and becoming more of a cartoon than it needed to be at times. So a strong A will suffice.
An American Haunting (2006): Like I said before, I dig a good old ghost story and this one comes close. It starts in the present day with a girl obviously scared and running from something. She wakes up from a nightmare and her mother finds an old letter she's been reading and decides to read it. It is from 1817 and is about a haunting that took place on the land. A man (Donald Southerland) is cursed by a lady and is found guilt of usury by the church. Right after things around the house begin to get strange. Ending with windows being broken, their daughter being pulled by her hair from room to room and slapped silly. Nightmares, soars, etc. become common in their house. The acting is good, the story is good, and the effects are good. But, you kind of get the feeling that the director was done making the movie and realized it was an hour long so he went back in and added more of the same. There were parts that just didn't seem to fit in and parts where I was thinking "Didn't that happen already?" So overall I'd have to say this one was fair to middlin'. C+.
American Zombie (2007)- A mockumentary chronicling the plight of zombies trying to eek out a 'living' in LA. Some lower functioning zombies are taken advantage of, some higher functioning ones are trying to help the others, or just survive being dead. The film comes off as a real documentary very well, the acting is actually brilliant as you would truly believe what the subjects are saying and how the filmmakers act throughout. There is some camp and comedy relief but it isn't over the top and done to the detriment of the movie. We start out feeling sorry for the zombies but things slowly start to crumble as the veil is lifted from their world. And that is where I think the movie stumbles a bit. It seems a little too slow to start, but a little too quick to end. I didn't hate the end, but by the same token, I just felt it seemed like they just ran out of ideas. Also, I read that this was a 'gorefest', it isn't at all. Still, over all, I liked the movie. It is flawed but it still worked for me. A-.
An American Werewolf in London (1981)- Another classic from my youth. American hitchhiking tourists have no respect for local custom or local's advice. One dies, one becomes a werewolf. The one that becomes a werewolf is visited by his dead friend and later by his victims, which makes for some great camp. Enter a nurse love interest and you've got a classic horror comedy. Great effects for the day and a great twist on an old tale. A+.
Angry Red Planet, The (1960)- Another example of "so bad it's good". I have no idea how I draw that line between bad=bad and bad=good and I'm sure most disagree with me but that's another essay. Here a rocket is sent to Mars to investigate but contact with it is lost shortly after it enters Martian orbit. Some time passes before they are able to make contact and bring it home via remote control, unsure if anyone has survived. The rocket lands and a survivor from the crew tells us what happened in flashback. Apparently Mars is covered in jungles and lakes and cities and they are all very very angry at us (yes, the lakes and jungles are angry too)! They are also all a strange tint of red. I mean everything is red. Light wavelengths must be seriously limited on Mars. The makers of this film used something I believe they called Cinemagic to create the (not) dazzling FX of The Red Planet, but they really did it so it would be harder to tell that the sets were all just paintings. Anyway, there are some GREAT 50s sci-fi moments and stereotypes along with crazy Martian Critters to enjoy. A must see for sci-fi B movie fans, everyone else stay away. I got to see it at the drive-in recently! Thanks Horseshoe Lake Drive-in! A for awful.
Antichrist, The (1974)- Yes this is a blatant rip off of "The Exorcist". Yes it is an over the top European spin on the subject of possession, and yes, it sucks. Rather than bother with any coherent plot or character development the movie just goes for the groin, literally. It’s all sex and vulgarity. Now I’m not one to put that down, but in this case, we end up with crap. The plot. A young girl is paralyzed after a car accident that also kills her mother, but it turns out her paralyses is purely mental, there is nothing physically wrong with her, even though in a flash back of the accident she is crying and screaming that she can’t feel her legs, and all this somehow triggers memories that she has of an ancestor who apparently was a member of a satanic cult that had big orgies in the woods and licked goat assholes. Years later she has lost faith in God, wants to have sex with her dad... I guess... I’m not sure what the Hell it all meant but it did seem that that gal was old enough to stop being such a whiney little bitch. Aside from a creepy and atmospheric intro this possession flick shows why possession flicks so rarely work, they wind up being funny rather than scary. Maybe I should rate this one on the craptacular scale but I was just too disappointed after thinking it would be pretty good. F.
Ape Man, The (1943)- No budget flick about a doctor who has been experimenting with apes and combining human and ape ‘spinal fluid’. I’m not sure what the up side would be but the down side is the scientist is turning into an ape. Lugosi is great in the role of the ape doctor and actually the makeup is impressive for such a low budget piece (in as much as there is makeup, more of a hairpiece and muttonchops), and there were enough bizarre sequences, like Lugosi getting out of the ape’s cage, to make this interesting. This is everything you’d expect from movies like this, smart-assed reporters, careless doctors, stupid ‘comedy’ relief, still, I liked this one but I only recommend for lovers of silly 40s sci-fi or Lugosi completists. C+
Arrival, The (1996)- Plot? Aliens are terraforming the earth in order to move here (global warming?). Charlie Sheen, an astronomer, figures out what is going on. Folks think he’s crazy as ‘they’ hunt him down. Seems like a good enough plot and it’s obvious no one here is taking anything too seriously, especially Sheen who goes through the film with about the same look as the foreman from the medical supply company in "Return of the Living Dead", very over-the-top intense. It works in "Return..." but here, not so much. It is fast paced enough with a few twists and turns that kept me interested but at the end of the day it fell flat because it seemed to me it couldn’t decide if it was camp or serious so it became neither. D-
Atom Age Vampire (1960)- Another film about a guy killing girls to make another girl pretty. An oft repeated theme of this era in Europe ("Eyes Without a Face", "... Dr. Orloff" etc, all of which hearken back to the Lugosi vehicle "Murders in the Rue Morgue"). Anyway, a woman is disfigured in a car wreck and in the incredibly shallow world in which she lives decides to kill herself, just then she is visited by a woman who says she knows a doctor who can help. She takes the gal up on the offer, is cured, sort of, and the doctor falls in what I call "cinema insta-love" with her. When her disfigurement comes back he has no choice but to kill young woman to make more serum. Not sure why he didn’t have to kill women to make the fist batch, that is never explained. He doesn’t have the stomach for murder though so instead he injects himself with an older serum he made that turned people into monsters instead of curing them, yeah, it was an unfortunate side effect, but, like Viagra, he found a good use for it. This would be more aptly titled "Atom Age Dr. Jekyll and My Hyde" but that doesn’t sound as cool. This is typical early Euro-trash complete with hilariously bad dubbing, way over the top acting, and terrible dialogue. There are a couple of inspired moments with some interesting and atmospheric camera work and the monster sequences might have worked if they wouldn’t have felt so 1932 Dracula. This is a tough one to grade, there were some great craptacular moments and dialogue, but it was a little too slow moving to really be too much fun in that regard. I guess maybe I’ll give it a D+, weird, it seems too good for that grade but not good enough for a C-!
Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)- Another early Roger Corman masterpiece. Well, maybe not a masterpiece but it’s better than the title would imply. The acting, directing, and sets for the most part work pretty well for a zero budget 50s monster movie. In the swamps of Florida a poacher disappears after having told some friends that he thought he saw some sort of monster in the swamp. Meanwhile a fat sweaty guy tries to show his eye candy wife that he loves her, but he finds her with another man and chases them out into the swamp with a shotgun, they are taken away by two monsters, right in front of his eyes. The local game warden, eye candy for the ladies, along with the local law enforcement, pretty much get everything wrong and make wrong decision after wrong decision. More folks disappear before everyone realizes that atomic waste, just enough to make leeches huge, is coming down from Cape Canaveral (?!?) The sequences in the leeches' cave are actually fairly effective (not counting the leech suits) for the time. Terrible monster suits, goofy diving sequences (are swamps really that clear), silly dialogue, and stiff as board acting by our hero only make this one more fun. B+ on the craptacular scale.
Bad Taste (1987)- This is a classic horror comedy in the vein of "Evil Dead". Over the top gore comedy rivaling that of Wile E. Coyote and the roadrunner. Yeah it's ultra low budget but still, there is a quality of film making and editing that lift it above the usual low-end fluff. It's pretty obvious that even with little to work with Peter Jackson knew how to make a movie and yes, this was his first made with friends and family on weekends. The plot? Aliens have discovered earth is covered with billions of delicious animals, humans that is and they fit nicely into shipping boxes. The aliens are half moronic zombies that seem to fall apart pretty easily into gooey messes of brains and bodily fluids. The over the top effects work really well in this one too, I was pretty impressed with some of the scenes (considering the budget) especially the fight on the side of the cliff between the geek and the alien. Perfectly filmed and paced and a classic ending! This definitely isn't for everyone but if you like low budget silly gore fest comedies then I think you'll dig this one. A.
Baron Blood (1972)- A great atmospheric piece by Bava about a man who returns to his roots by trying to find some of his heritage in his family’s Austrian castle. He jokingly reads an incantation ends up working and resurrects a brutal ancestor. This directing and suspense work really well (as should be expected) and this film works really well being what it should be, horror suspense. It is a great Euro-Horror and my only complaint would be a let down of an ending, pretty anti-climactic. B
Basket Case (1982)- What do you get when you combine the story of a pair of Siamese twins, one normal, one a hideous beast stuck to the side of the other's head, with a low budget and stop-motion -animation? You get insanity. Belial, the ugly twin, is removed and left for dead, but the normal twin can't leave his brother, especially since they're connected via ESP so naturally he totes him around New York in a basket (hence the name). Belial does some nasty things to the doctors who removed him, one of whom is a vet. He looks pretty cool too... Until he moves and you can tell this ain't no Harryhusen production. If you like your horror crazy, cheap, and bizarre then this is for you. I did like it because it was pretty unique, and pretty damned nasty! B-.
Bat, The (1959)- There's a serial killer on the loose, one the cops had thought was gone. What's he after, hidden money? Inheritance? Or just killing people for no reason? Is Vincent Price in fact "The Bat" or just another red herring? You'll have to watch this goofy murder mystery to get the answers; even after watching it you may not have the answers! Not a particularly good movie but not terrible. Price is good in this early vehicle, before he had really developed his horror persona he'd make famous with Roger Corman. Good enough acting and OK directing but the plot and writing leave something to be desired. C-.
Bay of Blood (1971)- After Bava tried to be hip with "Five Dolls..." he came back with this hugely influential flick about folks trying, and dying to get their hands on the real estate around a bay. Lucrative land which could easily be turned into a resort, but who really should inherit it, and do they all want to see it turned into a crass commercial tourist trap? Lots of bodies pile up and no one is really innocent in this true originator of the ‘body count slasher’ sub-genre (even I usually give credit to Clark’s "Black Christmas" for starting the trend but Bava beat Clark by 3 years!) You see Bava’s Hitchcock inspiration, and you also see where "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" et al got their inspiration as well. A must see for any fan of the slasher flicks. A+
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)- What the... It’s like 20 years after the ape revolution and all of a sudden the apes can talk, and are in school learning to read and write. The apes and humans are trying to live together but those gorillas just hate humans too much. Apes are so peaceful though, or are they? Caesar goes back into the city, which was destroyed by a nuclear bomb, to learn the truth about how apes destroy the world, leading to his parents escaping and traveling back in time and leading to more sequels. Once the mutants still living in the city realize apes have their own future primitive city, revenge is plotted. I think over all this is a better film than "Conquest..." It’s still cheap but good and evil aren’t so easily differentiated and the conflicts seem more real. Yeah, the time sequence doesn’t add up so don’t ask too many questions but it is a nice ending to the franchise, which ties a lot of things together and leaves you wondering if Caesar was able to change the future. B
Beast From Haunted Cave (1959)- Super cheap entry into the gangster-horror-monster-movie sub genre(?). This one is too long at a little over an hour! Still, it has a certain charm to it in that silly innocent 50s way. Some gangsters heist some gold from a small town bank in the Dakotas and hide out in a ski instructor's cabin in the boonies. It turns out the explosion they set as a diversion pissed off a giant spider like creature, which somehow hunts the group down, and they are stuck at the cabin as a blizzard approaches. Though it’s a little stiff, most of the acting is actually pretty good and the directing works. The effects are terrible even for the time but the monster isn’t in it much anyway. The end rolls up and you pretty much think "yeah, that’s what I thought would happen." Not bad enough for the craptacular scale. C-.
Beast Must Die, the (1974)- Wow, this movie is a child of the 70s in every way imaginable. The clothes, the cars, the music, even the dialogue feels 70s (with great Shakespearean delivered lines like "You... make... me... ssssiiiiick..."). Remember boys and girls, when you try to be hip all you are probably really doing is dating yourself! A super rich guy who likes going on safaris decides to hunt the ultimate prey. Man? Close. Werewolf. He outfits his huge mansion and surrounding land with cameras, microphones, and sensors and then invites several people over who may or may not be serial killers and cannibals. He knows at least one of them is a werewolf too. I have no idea quite how he knows but Peter Cushing is along for the ride as the Van Helsing of werewolves. Red herrings flop all around as the director must have realized he had no where near enough material to make a full movie so he just extended it with tedious explanations and strange chase scenes (I guess the guy has basically kidnapped these people). Anyway, the decidedly unfair hunt is on but the werewolf makes a go of it and winds up with the advantage somehow. This is fun 70s craptacular stuff, a must see for those that love the Velveeta Cheese filled classics (where can I get the soundtrack?) I’ll give it a B on the craptacular scale, it’s actually well done, just pretty goofy.
Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)- Holy...! This flick is a masterpiece of the craptacular. It would be a toss up between which is truly the worst, this or Wood’s "Plan 9...". This thing is a mind boggling must see for lovers of grade Z flicks. Tor Johnson, in his final roll, plays a Russian scientist who is defecting to the US. KGB agents chase him into the desert Southwest where he is accidentally subjected to radiation from a nuclear test. "Progress", the narrator tells us. Tor is transformed into a mindless killing machine... sort of. Or at least a big slow moving guy waving a stick. He offs a couple of people then pursues some kids who got lost in the desert. Meanwhile he’s chased by "shoot first ask questions later" (literally) cops, who shoot the lost kids dad while flying over in an airplane!?! This movie was shot without sound, unsure if that was for budget reasons or a statement by the ‘artist’. All dialogue was added later and it is painfully obvious. The narrator tells the story in what sounds like 8th grade prose and any time two characters speak to each other the director goes out of his way to not show their mouths since nothing would sync up; hilariously awesome. This one gets a strong A+ on the craptacular scale.
Beast With Five Fingers, The (1946)- One of the first 'attacking hands' films, this concept would repeat itself over and over again in horror movies, shorts, and omnibus movies. A musician who is paralyzed on one side but can still play piano with his good hand falls down the steps in his wheel chair and dies. Well, most of him dies; his good hand wants a little revenge. Or does it, maybe it's one of the leaches trying to get a hold of his estate that he has left to his friend and caretaker. This is an effective murder mystery, suspense yarn with an added element of horror. The acting is good and most of the effects work considering the age of the film. Many consider it a classic but I wouldn't quite go that far, Peter Lorre is great though, as usual! B+.
Beast Within, The (1982)- Decent enough early 80s monster movie. We open in the 60s with a young couple stuck in the boonies of Mississippi, the husband heads off to get help, and the wife is brutally raped by something less than human. Jump ahead 17 years and the result of the rape, the couple’s son, is having serious medical problems (you can guess the rest). All this leads to them investigating the past and who... or what, may have raped the wife, which in turn leads to a somewhat confusing mess of a story. Yeah, this is a little hard to follow at times and doesn’t always make much sense, and as for plot holes... well, just don’t think too much about it, enjoy some fairly good 80s effects, some atmosphere, good dark camp (a girl’s dog digs up a hand and promptly drops it on her head), and some great dialogue ("...now I know what’s wrong... He has a crush!" yeah, that’s it!) Anyway, if you like the 80s flicks that aren’t slasher flicks, then you’ll dig this one; just don’t put too much thought into it! I’ll give it a fairly weak B-, you know the kind of B- that should be a C+ but I gave them an extra point for effort.
Bedlam (1946)- More a Val Lewton thriller than horror but here ya go. It's the 1760s, an age of reason, and a fat and powerful English Lord likes to laugh and likes to make fun of the "loonies" in the local asylum run by Boris Karloff. Karloff is a very wise politician and likes things to stay status quo so he uses his powers of persuasion over the none too bright Lord to get his way, like keeping the asylum just the way it is and making sure anyone who wants to make changes ends up as his guest in the asylum. The cunning work and great acting by Karloff carry this one. It's dated and slow moving at times but remains a pretty good story with a pretty good ending. B+.
Before I Hang (1940)- Here Karloff plays a kindly old doctor looking for the secret to stop aging. He promises a patient, who is suffering greatly from unspecified age related issues, that he will be able to reverse the aging process. When his serums fail the patient begs to be euthanized. Karloff does the ‘mercy killing’ and is sentenced to hang for it. He accepts his fate, hoping someone will be able to continue his work, however, as luck would have it, the prison allows him to work there, he develops his serum, and, just before he is to be hanged he tries it on himself. Just then his sentenced is commuted to life, and his serum starts to work, but with some wicked bad side effects. We’ve all seen the transplant horror movies, get a murderer’s hands, become a murderer, get a murderer’s eyes, and see murders. Here Karloff’s serum is mixed with a murderer’s blood and, well, you can guess the rest. This is pretty slow moving, even for its age. Karloff is good but not great, for Karloff completists only. D+.
Below (2002)- During WWII an American submarine picks up survivors of a sunken hospital ship. Soon after things start getting strange on board. We quickly find one of the survivors is German. Is he trying to sabotage the submarine? I always like claustrophobic stories, and you can't get much more claustrophobic than a sub, especially one that just may be haunted. This is a pretty effective story, well acted, tense, and paced well. B
Beneath (2007)- Moody little piece about a girl who, after the funeral of her parents, accidentally kills her sister in a car wreck. Wracked with guilt she believes her sister was actually buried alive and has hallucinations to that effect. She is put away in a mental institution and eventually gets into college as a premed student, but her erratic behavior still shows through. She eventually goes back home for the funeral of her ‘caretaker’, a nice old guy who had a heart attack. Her niece believes the ‘dark things’ killed the caretaker though and we’re off into an investigation paralleling the death of the caretaker, the grandma, and the earlier death of the sister. This is an atmospheric enough tale but it is a little hard to follow and at times just seemed too long. There’s a moody darkness to it that works but there’s also a few too many "what the..." moments too. I’ll give it a C.
Beneath The Planet of the Apes (1970)- The first "The Planet of the Apes" tried pretty hard, and for the most part succeeded, in avoiding the 60s sci-fi clichés (except for the goofy disgruntled teenage chimpanzee near the end). "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" makes no such attempt. We are clubbed over the head with warrior class, nonviolent peace protestors, Nazi like fascism, violence solves nothing, nuclear bomb cold war era paranoia complete with bizarre pseudo-religious zeal and psychedelic effects. The entire first 2/3 of this movie are nothing more than filler for the annoying climax of fall out scared humans who worship a doomsday bomb and sing hymns to its greatness as the gorillas attack. Very little makes much sense until you plug in the ‘violence never pays’ moral of the story. I’m a fan of the "Planet of the Apes" movies and this is by far the weakest. I’ll give it a C though as some of the scenes of the gorillas training for war and the makeup jobs are still great. I was a huge fan of these flicks when I was a kid and wanted nothing more than one of those gorilla masks. C.
Berserk (1967)- Over the top circus movie with Joan Crawford as the circus owning vamp. Someone is murdering the circus folk, are they trying to shut the circus down, or are they trying to generate publicity to make more money? Red herrings swim in all directions and I can usually figure these things out but I turned out to be wrong this time, and that makes me want to "Kill, kill, kill" (you’ll have to see the movie). I won’t give too much away but suffice it to say, we get the ultimate in poetic justice at the end. This one’s campy and fun and worth a viewing if you like such 60s flair, complete with Joan Crawford saying things like "We’ve eaten caviar and we’ve eaten sawdust". Too many damned circus performance stock clips though, and the musical piece with some of the ‘freaks’ caught me off guard! Classic stuff though. B.
Beyond, The (1981)- Italian Zombie Master Fulci Strikes Again. Here's how I figure the planning for this movie went down. Meeting #1: "Hey I have an idea. Let's do a movie about a hotel built on top of a gateway to Hell and strange things start happening when someone decides to restore it." "Great idea!" Meeting #2: "Hey let's make this movie extremely gory with lots of slow death scenes throughout!" "Great idea when do we start?" "How about right now?" "But we don't have a script or have the plot hashed out yet." "That's OK, ACTION!" So, if you're looking for a coherent plot with good dialogue and acting look elsewhere. If you're looking for an atmospheric gory Eurotrash Zombie flick, look no further! Fulci gets in lots of eye obsessed kills which include but aren't limited to eyes gouged out, spider eating an eye, and a nail through the back of the head and popping out through the eye socket in front. Some of the dialogue is great too. At one point the lady who now owns the hotel and is trying to restore it finds out about the hotel's past (a man had found the key to Hell and was killed there as a devil worshipper) she says something to the effect "I'm not going to let a few electrical problems and a silly story scare me away." Of course she has left out the fact that her painter fell from the second story and was mumbling incoherently about 'The eyes' after the fall and then the plumber was inexplicably murdered in the basement by having his eyes gouged out and a body was discovered severely mutilated and bricked up in the wall and then the plumber's wife is killed by acid being poured on her face while at the morgue. Regardless, this lady ain't scared PERIOD! Some of the effects are really good some are really bad. The spider scene is hilarious as they very obviously only had two real spiders to use and used very poorly executed blurred camera work, quick editing, and some fake spiders pulled along on strings to make it look like more spiders. Another scene has a doctor hook a 'brain wave machine' up to a corpse that's been dead for 60 years, I'm not sure what he's expecting to see. A close up of the 'brain wave machine' reveals it is an old oscilloscope, not very impressive. Of course it eventually does kick on but seems to be showing heart rate rather than brain waves. Also look for the sign on the morgue "Do Not Entry", which the plumber's wife duly ignores as she goes in amongst the dead to put her dead husband's best suit on for his funeral. Is that a European custom? . And wow, I would love to get me one of those self loading .357s that doctor has in his desk (that must be one rough New Orleans neighborhood if the dotor keeps a handgun in his desk at the hospital)! And seriously, even if you didn't know it takes a head shot to kill a zombie wouldn't you be able to figure that out? I mean shoot on in the head it drops./ the next one you shoot in the shoulder, stomach, arm, it keeps coming then you shoot it in the head and it drops. Next one you shoot in the neck, shoulder, stomach, keeps coming. Shoot it in the head it drops. After about TEN OR TWELVE OF THOSE IT WULD STAND TO REASON TO JUST SHOOT THE DAMNED THINGS IN THE HEAD!!! Anyway...This is generally one of those love it or hate it flicks. Having said that I fall somewhere between, it is over rated stuff by many zombie fans but not as bad as the haters would have you believe. I'll give it a B for atmosphere and pure discomfort level. Fulci's "Zombi II" is better.
Birds, The (1963)- This is a bizarre flick! A man wants to buy some miner birds for his little sister's birthday (this guy looks like he's about 35 years old and he has a successful law firm in San Francisco and his sister is just turning 11, weird). Anyway a spoiled rich girl pretends to work at the pet store and then later delivers the miner birds to the lawyer's weekend home in Northern Cali as a practical joke. Then weird stuff starts happening. Wild birds seem to be occasionally attacking people for no reason, then they begin flocking together and attacking people, and things get progressively worse. I think the real fear in this movie is the constant feeling that it could actually happen (OK probably not but it seems more likely than an alien invasion, zombies, or other 'monsters'). The material is taken very seriously and there are no cosmic explanations thrown about, all we know is huge flocks of birds are randomly attacking people. But even in material that seems like it would be silly, Hitch is able to develop complex characters and interesting sub plots. It's another example of Hitch's ability to pull you into a movie and keep you there until the end, wasting no shots or sequences in the process, and another favorite from my youth. A.
Birds II: Land’s End (1994)- MST3K time! Why oh why did this even get made, even just Made for TV? Anyway, the birds are rising up, this time because of an oil spill or something. You can predict as each character shows up exactly what is going to happen to them and why. There’s the crusty old guy who knows everything, the smart ass mayor who won’t believe anyone, the heroic dog, the helpless little girls and so on. Tippy Hedron makes a cameo to try and lend some validity but it is too little too late. An A on the craptacular scale only.
Bird With the Crystal Plumage, The (1970)- Argento’s debut as a director finds him copping a lot from Hitch, but not in a bad way. We have an American tourist in Rome who witnesses attempted murder, becomes a suspect, clears his name, and then becomes obsessed with solving the mystery of who was trying to kill the woman. Twists and turns abound (along with some dead ends that don’t make much sense upon reflection) and we wind up with a very satisfying murder mystery. Yeah, there are some plot holes, and some bad dubbing, to be expected really, but for the most part of you like Euro-Giallo Hitch like flicks then this is a must see. A
Birth (2004)- This movie isn't so much horror as it is "supernatural suspense thriller." Well really it's not so much "supernatural suspense thriller" as it is "slow moving pile of steaming crap." I realize suspense often equates to a slow moving movie, and when that approach works it works well, but when it fails, well, this is the result. I should have known I was in trouble when the first hour and a half of the movie was a guy jogging (or at least it seemed that long). Anyway, a lady's husband drops dead after a really long run. 10 years later a 10 year old shows up and says he's her husband reincarnated. He knows some sketchy details, I guess, of the guy's life. The lady is engaged to be married again but now wants to spend her life with this kid. Characters come and go and people eat a lot and sit and stare at each other and these people are filthy rich so it all has an air of "who cares" about it anyway. I hated this one. F.
Black Cat, The (1934)- This was originally supposed to be an adaptation of the Poe story "The Black Cat" but was totally rewritten save the name and ends up with next to nothing to do with Poe. I believe this is the best of the old-school Universal horror movies. Except for an occasional bit of camp this movie takes itself very seriously and it has none of the outrages characters, over the top plot lines, or over acting many of its contemporary horror movies have (not that those are bad things). The acting is brilliant and the directing is cutting edge for the times. It makes you wonder what could've been if Universal's horror hadn't fallen into B movie status with too much camp and too much fear of the censors. This was the first, and by far the best, pairing of the two greatest horror movie actors of all time. Bela Lugosi plays a doctor who has been in a Prisoner of War camp for fifteen years and is returning to the man who betrayed him during the war and then stole his wife and daughter, Boris Karloff. Karloff is apparently into taxidermy with interesting results and also a practitioner of the Black Arts. So many classic moments in this film but the best is right after Lugosi arrives and he is explaining to Karloff where he has been. Karloff sits quietly in his black robe with his white face, following Lugosi only with his darkened eyes. It's a brilliant combination of direction and acting. The Bauhaus architecture comes to life in the stark black and white film, complete with great lighting and long shadows. Lugosi is brilliant as the good doctor and Karloff plays his character with great restraint and believability. The censors were none too happy with this movie at the time and the boundaries it pushed led to problems for many years for horror movies (it was inspired by a true account of a couple's meeting famous English Satanist Aleister Crowley). My only complaint is the music which plays almost throughout the entire film is at times over-bearing and pulls the movie down. Still, this is a must see for students of horror or just film in general. A+.
Black Christmas (1974)- It's Christmas and most of the sorority girls are already gone from or leaving the sorority house for Christmas. Those that remain exchange gifts and drink a little, trying to enjoy themselves. Little do they know, a homicidal maniac has gotten into the attic and has set about killing the girls off. Sounds familiar right? It should, this Bob Clark ("Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things", "Porkey's", "A Christmas Story") plot has been worked, reworked, done and redone, however, when you remember that this film was made in 1974 then you see it's significance. It was an obvious influence on Carpenter's "Halloween" and deserves the credit, or blame, for kicking off the whole 'teens in distress/slasher' sub genre. So in context it is an important film, it is well made, well acted and suspenseful. It is a little slow moving at times though. It probably deserves an A+ because it set the standard for so many films that followed but I think I will give it an A- because it drags a little and leaves too many unanswered questions.
Black Christmas (2006)- Remake of the classic Bob Clark 1974 flick. All I can say is "Why"? The basic plot remains intact; sorority girls in a sorority house at Christmas are being killed off. But it's the new millennium so they all have cell phones. Of course the gore is over the top, often unnecessarily so, and I couldn't tell whether the film was going for camp or just gross out. At times everything was a slapstick comedy complete with 'ironic' Christmas music and then we are subjected to the ultimate in dysfunctional families complete with a mother raping her young son. Which leads to a more revealing back-story about the killer, which basically left all suspense out. This movie was so painfully unoriginal it was fun to sit and look for what movie each part was stolen from. F unless you like to rip on garbage.
Black Friday (1940): Another Lugosi Karloff vehicle, even though Lugosi is only in it briefly. Karloff is a doctor whose best friend is injured in a car accident caused by bank robbers. Karloff saves his friend by implanting part of a gangster's brain. You can guess the rest. Yeah it's silly but it is nicely paced and contains some decent enough suspenseful moments. It's a nice genre jumping gangster, horror, sci-fi piece. C+.
Black Sabbath (1963)- A tight little trilogy directed by Mario Bava and hosted by Boris Karloff. Story one deals with a woman who turned her boyfriend in for a crime and he has now escaped and is terrorizing her. A great little suspense piece. Story two deals with the warduluck, which is basically a vampire that preys on its own family. This is a good story but too slow moving. Karloff stars and is effective but it still drags. The third story is one of those 'put the hook in me' works. I was pretty young, 9 or 10, when I first saw this movie. The odd thing is I don't even remember the first two stories but I sure remember this one. It's the story of a woman who goes to sit with the corpse of an old woman who recently passed. She was into séances and such and tended to scare folks when she was alive. She's pretty hideous in death too. The woman decides to steal a ring from the corpse's body, bad idea. The corpse in this movie scared the crap out of me when I was young and, although now it's not really scary, it is still pretty effective. Story one gets an A, story two gets a C, and story 3 gets an A+ which averages to a B+.
Black Scorpion, The (1957)- If you like the giant monster sci-fi 50s sub-genre you’ll probably like this. It has all the (by 1957) cliché elements. Trashed cars, dead bodies, odd sounds, no one knows what any of it means. They slowly piece together the puzzle and realize there are giant dinosaur era scorpions around Mexico City. And what’s more there are giant worms and spiders too as a recent volcanic eruption and earthquake released them. Most of the stop-motion animation, supervised by the guy that did the original "King Kong", works, although there are some really bad prop close up shots and some piss poor mat shots. The scorpions’ underground lair is a nice set piece but, while a classic sequence, the final battle at a soccer stadium leaves a little to be desired. This is pretty much a must for lovers of 50s stop motion monster flicks, all others may want to avoid. I’ll give it a very strong B+ all things considered.
Black Sleep, The (1956)- You can't go wrong when Rathbone, Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr., John Carradine, and Tor Johnson are all crammed in one movie. Rathbone plays a doctor who puts science before everything except curing his wife. He experiments on living people who he pays a gypsy to procure for him. He saves a brilliant doctor from the gallows by making the prison officials think he is dead and then reviving him back at the castle. His experiments continue and with each one, results a failure leaving the person totally insane and often violent. This movie, while a little goofier, managed a little of that Val Lewton atmosphere, and although it was no where near as good, it conjured up parts of "The Body Snatcher" fairly often. Not a bad movie, but no masterpiece either. C+.
Black Sunday (1960)- A Mario Bava classic combining legends of vampirism, witchcraft, and Satan worship. A witch and her lover are tortured and killed (by her brother no less) and forced to wear the Mask of Satan, a mask that is basically nailed to the head. The witch curses the family and 200 years later returns to exact her revenge on her look alike descendant and her look alike descendant's father. There's some silly dialogue and some old school over the top acting but I still liked this movie as a well paced witch period piece. B.
Blair Witch Project, The (1999)- Another no-budget horror flick that seemed to come from nowhere. The most interesting thing about this movie (as I'm sure you all know) is it's filmed in the first person. You are literally watching the events as they unfold according to the tape that was 'found' in the woods. Some college kids set out to investigate the legend of the Blair Witch by taking camera equipment out into the woods. Through interviews and other parts of the documentary they are filming we get to know the basics of the Blair Witch Legend and, in essence, become part of the story. Things begin to go wrong as they become lost, one wrong move leads to another until the chilling end. There is no sex, no violence, no disturbing visuals, and no gore. This movie wants to appeal on a very visceral level and for me it worked. These people are lost, freaked out, and genuinely scared and the end has a definite impact. This is one of those movies where you either hate it or dig it and I dug it. A+.
Blob, The (1958)- This, the original Blob, was a nice entrant into the 50s ‘menace from space’ sci-fi sub-genre (or was it really a menace from space, could it be the devouring blob was yet another metaphor for "The Red Menace"?) Anyway, here we have Steve McQueen as a misunderstood rebel without a cause, some of his hot rod driving prankster friends and his date, a young Helen Crump from The Andy Griffith show. They see a meteor crash into the woods and find an old man with what appears to be some blisters on his hand. They rush the old man to the ‘doc’ and the next thing you know the blob is running around eating folks and the cops think the kids are just pulling a prank. This is chock full of 50s stereotypes but it works pretty well on the level it was intended. A little less standing around talking and blaming the 'kids’ for everything might have made it move a little better though. It is original (or maybe they had just run out of ideas for aliens so this was more or less just a surrender), low budget color flick. Like a lot of these 50s sci-fi flicks, if you dig them then this is a must see, if you hate this stuff then you may want to avoid it, unless you’re curious about this one’s cult movie status. I’ll give it a B+.
Blood Feast (1963)- Best known as the first ‘gore for gore’s sake’ splatter flick, "Blood Feast" is really a mess, no pun intended. An Egyptian priest is killing women who read his book and using their body parts as part of an Egyptian Feast he is planning for a rich lady’s daughter, of course his real motive is a feast for his goddess Ishtar... I guess. For the most part the plot makes little sense, the dialogue is senseless, and the acting is atrocious all the way around. This is a real train wreck, only a step or two above Ed Wood territory, but then there’s the gore. No the effects aren’t great but, keeping in mind it was made in 1963 you will have to admit, it was ahead of its time in that regard. We see the blood and the body parts removed and the mess left afterwards (as we deal with some hilariously bad grief stricken actors and cops who insist on rehashing the plot for us in case we missed something). Yes this movie is bad bad bad, but if you like’em bad, or if you’re interested in horror history and want to see where much of today’s over the top gore began, then this is a must see. I will give it a solid A+ on the craptacular scale.
Bloodlust! (1961)- Mr. Brady, before Carol and the kids, is out for an afternoon at sea with friends. They decide to visit an island. It's a strange island with a strange man living there. He's hesitant to let them leave. What's he got in mind? We know he likes to hunt. Hhhmmmmm, maybe he wants to hunt... PEOPLE?!?! Mr. Brady keeps a cool collected head just like you'd expect though. This is a cheap old school Scream Teen flick that in a cheap old school Scream Teen way works. I wonder if the producers of "House of the Dead" reviewed below saw this one. If you like goofy black and white thrillers, like me, you'll like this. B.
Blue Beard (1944)- John Carradine, though forgotten behind names like Lugosi, Karloff, and Price, is one of the great horror movie actors. He made some good flicks like "House of Dracula". Of course he made some bad ones too like "Blue Beard". A serial killer is on the loose in Paris. Carradine is a puppeteer, painter and, of course, serial killer. He paints; he kills, so he tries not to paint. His agent is pushy though and wants some more paintings to sell. Actually a nice non- Hollywood ending, but I just couldn't get into it much. C.
Body Snatcher, The (1945)- Val Lewton classic with Boris Karloff as the title character. Karloff is a "kindly" cab driver but to make extra cash he provides cadavers for a medical school. How he comes by those cadavers becomes problematic as does his black mail techniques he uses on the not so good doctor. Bela Lugosi has a small role as servant who has some black mail ideas of his own. The black and white photography is great as is the direction and acting. Some critics say Karloff's portrayal here is second only to his Frankenstein's Monster (I'd say his Mummy would be third). They're probably right. A well presented story with a nice twist ending. A.
Bonnie and Clyde Vs. Dracula (2007)- Caught the premier of this at the local drive in. To be honest I didn’t expect much, but all told it wasn’t a bad film at all. Really well done despite obvious budget constraints you still get better directing and acting than many big budget flicks, and a more original story. A doctor wants to bring Dracula to America and revive him in hope of curing an ailment. Things look to be going good for the doc until Bonnie and Clyde show up. This is a campy ride and you get what you’d expect with a title like that, but in the end I like the story and the end was really good. B+
Boo! (2005)- Halloween hijinx as kids break into an old hospital to scare their girlfriends. Bad idea as this hospital had a high security mental ward on the 3rd floor and those folks' spirits are wanting out after being trapped and killed there in a fire years before. Attempts at character development fall flat and the only character I ended up caring about was the German Shepherd dog. The acting was friggin' horrible too. And with friends like these... All in all this wasn't a terrible flick but it sure wasn't good either. D+.
Boogey Man (2005)- Kind of slow and predictable but in this case I think it works. A kid sees his dad killed by the bogeyman, or did he? It haunts him the rest of his life until he returns home for his mothers' funeral and decides to face his fears. It was silly and not very original but I dug it all the same. I think the acting was pretty good and the directing was real good with some scenes very well done. B-
Book of Shadows: The Blair Witch II (2000)- How could they make a sequel to a movie that wasn't supposed to be a movie in the first place? "The Blair Witch Project" just made too much money to leave well enough alone. There's more gold in that mine. Blair II more or less picks up where the first one left off; with the exception that now we're watching a movie, not a documentary. All sorts of tourists are showing up in Blair, bothering some locals, making others rich. Enter the unstable tour guide and his unsuspecting tour guidees, and off into the woods they go. Things begin to go wrong and one wrong move leads to another (etc.) until they wind up back at the tour guides house and insanity ensues. I was very suspect about this movie going in but I think it ended up being a fairly strong. Although not brilliant and not as original as the first one, it did keep me focused and interested so what more could you really ask for. B.
Bowery At Midnight (1942)- Another Lugosi Poverty Row flick. Here Lugosi basically plays three characters, by day he’s the brilliant psychology professor, by night he’s the kindly soup kitchen director, by later at night he’s the criminal mastermind behind several jewel heists, using the patrons of his soup kitchen as help. Once they help him out they wind up dead, but apparently only for a short time as the junky janitor of the soup kitchen, whose nickname is "Doc" and who maybe was a doctor before becoming a junky, has found a way to reanimate the dead crooks, and you better bet there’ll be Hell to pay! The cops are already closing in when one of Lugosi’s students recognizes him while visiting the soup kitchen for a class project; the grand plan all comes crashing down, complete with angry zombies. In the end the soup kitchen assistant sets up some wedding plans with a zombie. Weird. I’ve seen better but I’ve seen much much worse. If you like the Poverty Row quickies you’ll like this. Fun dialogue and more shoot first ask questions later cops make this one complete. A strong C+ on the craptacular scale.
Boy Eats Girl (2005)- As you can tell from the title, this isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. It is like a low budget John Hughes film with zombies; kind of "Pretty in Pink" meets "Shawn of the Dead". We have a kid who likes a girl, she’s good friends with him, he wants to date her but feels she is out of his league, but she likes him too. When she doesn’t show to hang out one night he becomes depressed, starts drinking, and accidentally commits suicide (accidentally commits suicide? Yes). His mother works at the local church and knows they keep a book of voodoo spells in the basement, she uses them to bring her son back, but a page is missing, its an important page as now her son craves human flesh and when he bites a bully classmate the disease spreads, rapidly. How will the boy and his goofy classmates get outta this one? At no point does this movie take itself too seriously. It isn’t laugh out loud funny or as witty as "Shawn of the Dead" but it is funny at spots and over all fairly well done. There are no real ‘scares’ in it, and while slow to start the gore is pretty good and the climax was obviously influenced by Peter Jackson’s "Dead Alive" lawnmower ending. Purists will hate the ‘stronger faster’ zombies but if you just want 80 minutes of goofy zombie-zaniness you could do much worse. B.
Brain That Wouldn’t Die, The (1962)- Oh my. Some of the greatest acting, editing, and dialogue ever to make it’s way onto the craptacular scale. There’s this doctor see, and he’s got these notions about transplanting human limbs and such see. His dad is old school man, and he doesn’t like the fact his son practices his experiments on humans. It just ain’t right that’s all. The son doesn’t care. He gets a call from his assistant back at the country house, which gives ol’ dad the creeps, and the son rushes off in a huge hurry with his fiancée. Ignoring the winding road signs the son takes the corners in his girlfriend’s giant 1961 convertible at breakneck speeds... and crashes in one of the most hilarious car crash scenes ever! As luck would have it his girlfriend is decapitated. He must save her head and then find a body for her. After making sure her head is fine in his lab (this lab gives Bela’s lab in Ed Wood’s "Bride of the Monster" a run for worst lab scene ever) he sets out to find a body, and where better to find the perfect body than a strip joint! What follows is some of the best late 50s early 60s horror movie sexiness ever filmed as the buxom ladies sing, dance, and catfight. After all this there’s a beauty contest, and the good doctor winds up at an old friend’s house. She has the greatest body ever, too bad her face was burned in an accident. Perfect! He gets her back to the lab, starts the operation, and... well his Frankenstein like monster that lives in the closet just may throw a monkey wrench in his plans. This one gets a strong A on the craptacular scale.
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)- Some people really hate this movie. To them I say "Screw You!" maybe the sexual angle was over played a little, or then again, maybe it wasn't. It depends on your interpretation of the Dracula story. All said and done this movie follows the book pretty closely and, in my humble opinion, works. The acting is great (except Keanu who damn near ruins it with his terrible attempt at an English accent) and the directing is brilliant. (Man, hardcore critics will hate me for this one I bet.) I love the minimalist sets and the frequent nods to the Browning/Lugosi "Dracula". It is after all, really just "Romeo and Juliet" in the horror mold. A+.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)- I've read a lot of reviews that say this film is superior to the first. I think those reviews might be right. Great atmosphere that you expect from these old black and white Universal movies (they had a great way of lighting that took full effect of the huge sets and the dark shadows they cast), great lab scenes, and a good, well directed story. A doctor who has been doing similar experiments as Dr. Frankenstein wants to create a mate for the monster, who survived the fire at the end of the first film. Aside from some silly, dated 'scientific' mumbo-jumbo and some very silly creations made by this other scientist, the movie is very good. (The campy old maid is a little over the top though.) I think the Monster's looks might have been softened a little to make him more sympathetic, but it still works. Colin Clive gets to work in his famous "It's alive... alive!" line again too. Look for a lot of Christ-figure imagery associated with the Monster in this one, amplifying Dr. Frankenstein's roll of God. A+.
Bride of the Monster (1956)- What can I say? This is an Ed Wood masterpiece, and those of you familiar with the great Ed Wood know what I mean. Those of you not familiar with Ed Wood, well, there's a reason for that. Anyway, this is full of the usual Ed Wood dazzling special effects (a giant octopus attacks Bela Lugosi), excellent usage of stock footage (nuclear bomb exploding), and amazing sets (Bela's lab, especially the stone masonry work on the walls). Ed Wood tried to make good movies... Well, not really but he did make movies. Anyway, Bela is a scientist who was run out of his own country and is now on the verge of doing something great with his giant octopus so his country wants him to come back. Too many people have been disappearing in the swamps around his house though so the cops and a reporter are snooping around and figure Bela has something to do with the disappearances. They're right of course. Seriously, Ed Wood flicks are great simply because they are not great at all. If you like digging the bottom of the barrel then you'll love this, if not then you'll hate it. Personally I like it but it's not as bad/good as "Plan 9 from Outer Space". B.
Brides of Dracula, The (1960)- Pretty classic Hammer material; Great sets, great acting, great use of vivid color, Hammer didn't skimp in those days. Dracula was killed... several times, and is still dead (not undead) throughout this movie (in other words Christopher Lee said "No") so the plot has Cushing's Van Helsing pursuing a vampire who has been chained up in his room by his own mother and kept alive by the blood of young traveling woman, and now has escaped thanks to one of those women. The vampire is so happy that he's asked her to marry him. It's a fairly original take on the legend and it works for the most part. The fight scenes are poorly staged and apparently flying bat special effects technology went nowhere from the 1930s to the 1960s but those are small issues. B-
Broken, The (2008)- Slow paced moody suspense thriller with an odd supernatural twist. This is a dark film with a few disturbing images and a nice sense of ‘what is going on?’. An American ambassador to England is having a birthday and retiring. His kids and their wives/boyfriends/whatever throw him a party and during the party a large mirror falls from the wall. From that point on strange things begin to happen as mirrors begin falling from walls seemingly wherever these people go and it just might be that evil doppelgangers from inside the looking glass are to blame. The story hinges on the ambassador’s daughter who sees herself driving her Jeep down the road, then gets in her Jeep and has a terrible head on collision. Has her brain been damaged from the wreck or are there in fact evil doubles of the people she knows showing up? And what happened to the double she saw driving the Jeep before the accident? If you like the slightly odd, slower paced suspense films then this one is for you, the bottom line is there really isn’t much going on but I was kept interested the whole time and I liked the twist ending. At around 90 minutes the running time was just about right, any longer and it would’ve started loosing my attention. A-
Brood, The (1976)- Cronenberg explores the demons in us all, or in this case the snowsuit wearing little devils in one particularly strange lady who had a rough childhood, and plans her revenge, via her subconscious and her psychiatrist, together the three of them birth these wicked little things. Yeah, this is a weird one and a little hard to explain really. The acting is really good, as is the directing, and the dialogue works for something so seemingly silly on the surface. No, it isn’t extremely frightening, and may even at times be almost laughable, still, I liked it, it is fairly unique and creates a good little atmosphere. B.
Bucket of Blood (1959): Early Roger Corman cheapie about a halfwit outcast who buses tables at an ultra hip beatnik club called The Yellow Door. Said halfwit wants to be an artist and be accepted in someway but has no talent beyond memorizing other's poetry. Then one night he's trying to make a sculpture, and failing badly, when he accidentally kills his landlady's cat. So to hide the body he naturally encases it in clay and turns it into a statue (knife sticking out and all). His sculpture becomes a big hit with the in crowd and also draws the attention of an undercover cop who's casing the place. Halfwit then proceeds to accidentally kill the cop too. Luckily he knows just what to do with the body. Meanwhile the owner of the Yellow Door discovers halfwit's secret but knows he can make some money from him so he goes along for the ride. This is a pretty decent black comedy cult favorite about loneliness and the desire to be accepted. It is cheap of course and the copy I watched was pretty bad but that aside I liked this one. Nothing great about it just a good story and fair acting, tightly paced and played out. B.
Buddy Boy (1999)- An intense study of a dysfunctional family and one man’s further descent into insanity. Buddy Boy as his step mom refers to him is a lonely stuttering voyeur who has to take care of his invalid bible thumping step mother while also carrying his own load of Catholic guilt. He saves his neighbor, who he’s been spying on, from a purse snatcher and eventually winds up in bed with her, and she is falling for him. He continues to spy on her, seeing her eating meat (she claims to be a vegan), with another man, and having parties where the main course is not only obviously meat, but may in fact be human flesh! Buddy becomes increasingly unraveled, especially after his step mother’s relationship with a plumber goes terribly awry and we begin to realize all is definitely not as it seems. I was pulled into this one and liked it quite a bit, in a disturbing sort of way, and the cliffhanger ending I thought was perfect, as was the soundtrack. I’m giving this an A+ as a great study of insanity.
Burial Ground (1981)- A classic piece of Euro-Trash and a must see for Italian zombie movie fans, Hell, the bizarre man-child with the Oedipus complex is worth the price of admission alone. Plus dialogue like "Mommy, this cloth smells like death", man, what can I say? A scientist apparently raises up some zombies who then go on a rampage after some weird folks staying at a mansion in the boonies. Not sure what they are doing but it seems they may be prepping for an orgy. Some of the effects are good, some of the zombie make up is good, some of it is bad. Over all this is just a classic piece of work of total trash. I think this gets an A+ on the craptacular scale.
Butterfly Effect, The (2004): I heard a lot of bad things about this flick from pretty much all sides plus it has Ashton Kutcher in it so I never bothered seeing it but it was playing late one night on satellite so I decided to catch it. I actually liked it. It wasn't overly original (basically a long episode of "Quantum Leap") and some of the sequences were too long (like when the main character wakes up as a 'frat boy') so it wasn't perfect but I have to admit I was pulled in and it kept my interest, which is important. Basically this guy does some pretty heinous stuff with the neighborhood kids when he was young and has regrets and also tends to have blackouts. He's pretty smart too and working on becoming a psychiatrist studying memory. It turns out that he may just be able to change the present if he can change the past during one of his blackouts. Yeah it seems a little convoluted but it's not. It's nothing incredible but it is a good story done pretty well. B+.
Cabin Fever (2002)- Kids go camping... start dying. "Evil Dead" meets "28 Days Later" with a helping of "Deliverance" tossed in for good measure. I kept waiting for that point where what was happening would all be tied together and the movie would make sense. It never came. Lots of blood and tense scenes. Directing and acting not too bad and the plot could've been good but... Also, the "People who live in the country are either crazy or stupid or both" bit has been done already... Lots and lots of times. Of course that had nothing to do with what was taking place back at the cabin, but then again, nothing had anything to do with anything in this move. I'll give it a D+ because it wasn't as bad as House of the Dead.
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The (1920)- I'm not a big silent movie buff. I like to catch the ones I read are the most influential and of those, "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" seems to be the most influential. And this is a great looking film. The painted sets, the jagged malformed doors, windows, and buildings, the whole expressionist experience comes to a head in this film. It was made as an art film but with an attempt to keep the story 'mainstream' so art film buffs and the general film going public could both enjoy it. It must have worked because after almost 90 years this film's influence is still being felt. From 1932's "The Black Cat" to about anything by Tim Burton today, this movie wields its awesome influence. Though not the first expressionist film, it seems to be the best (from what I've read) and most accessible. The plot? A doctor is experimenting with mind control on a somnambulist (sleep walker). The experiment includes seeing if the somnambulist will do things while asleep he wouldn't do while awake. Like murder. The whole story was supposed to reflect the dangers of blindly following leaders, which Germans were reeling from after WWI when this movie was made. However a twist ending was added which in effect reversed the original meaning of the story to say that calm, benevolent leaders are in fact necessary to a society gone mad. So at the end of the day did I like this one or not? Well, I liked "Nosferatu" quite a bit more. This movie felt longer than its 70+ minutes. Yes it is a beautifully filmed movie and deserves the accolades it gets. It is also an interesting story, which is sadly still relevant. I give it an A+ although I found it hard to stay interested in it at times.
Cadaverella (2007)- Twist on the Cinderella story. Our main character is a smart assed librarian who acts like she pretty much hates everyone. Her boyfriend is a college guy who’s always trying to get her to go to college. She’s a clepto and lifts things from his apartment all the time, including a small voodoo charm of the spirit who guards the door between the living and the dead. Her dad died soon after marrying a stripper so she was raised by her stripper step mom with her two very strange twins. Her dad was loaded and left her a nice trust fund that she’ll get when she turns 21 but, the day before her 21st birthday she decides to do a little partying with the gardener and winds up dead. A visit from the voodoo spirit from the voodoo charm gives her until midnight to avenge her death. For a no budget flick this is pretty well done. It drags at times and plays up the camp a little too much though. It feels very much like those syndicated shows "Tales From The Dark Side" from back in the day so if you liked those you’ll like this. B-
Call of Cthulhu, The (2005)- How, on a small budget, do you film a Lovecraft story? Giant monsters, ocean voyages, large cult gatherings, ships landing at uncharted islands. Impossible to pull with any believability at all... But what if the filmmakers decided to make the film look like it was filmed when Lovecraft actually wrote the story in the 1920s? What if they filmed it as a black and white silent film and used many of the same special effect techniques used then? They could pull it off on a small budget without looking like a small budget, get in the main points of the story, and look like ‘artists’ in doing it. That’s what they did, and did it work? That depends on if you like silent movies and Lovecraft’s mythos. I think the film was done really well and definitely had that old school silent film look and feel, and the effects were, well, quaint I guess, but it worked for me. The story? It follows Lovecraft’s story very closely. A man’s great-uncle dies and he inherits his work. The great-uncle was an archeologist and an expert in old languages and had been investigating a strange cult called The Cult of Cthulu and its worship of a huge ancient god-like beast. The man becomes obsessed with the research himself and uncovers a plot larger than he anticipated... Or maybe he is insane and reading too much into simple coincidences. I’m going to give this a strong A. It clocks in at about 50 minutes and is a perfect vehicle for this story.
Candyman (1992)- Take a little bit of "Hell Raiser" and mix in some "Nightmare on Elm Street", add a racial element and you have "Candyman". There's this urban legend about a killer called the Candyman and how you make him appear ("Beatlejuice Beatlejuice Beatlejuice!"). He appears, writers get involved, etc. Not very original but this movie works most of the time with a few good scares, good effects, and decent enough story line. B.
Card Player, The (2004)- OK, this one is just plain silly. A serial killer kidnaps gals and then plays video poker with the police for the gals’ lives. The cops are dumbfounded as to how to play video poker so they go out and find a kid who is really good at it because he keeps any two-of-a-kinds he gets, genius kid! The kid tries to convince the cops that it is really just luck, that video poker requires absolutely no skill what so ever since you can’t bet and can’t bluff and in this version the killer can see what hand he needs to beat when it is his turn. The cops don’t buy it and when the kid beats the serial killer once they throw a frickin’ huge party with food and tons of champagne, I guess they thought if they beat the guy once he’d stop killing gals. I have no idea. And don’t miss the profilers for the cops, awesome, they have it narrowed down to someone 30 to 35, male or female, who likes to drag race cars and play Russian Roulette. What?!?! Then we have the ‘go it alone, don’t call for backup, and even though you have a good lead don’t tell anyone else in case you get killed’ cop which all leads to an awesome conclusion involving a speeding train and a woman tied to railroad tracks, yeah there’s more hilarity but I will leave it at that. The only shocker is that I had it figured out halfway through and I wasn’t wrong because Argento didn’t throw in his usual ‘impossible to see coming’ twist at the end. Hilarious plot, terrible dialogue, even worse dubbing, and bad acting, yeah this is Argento all right. Man, I hate to do it but I am going to give this an A. An A on the craptacular scale. Sorry Argento, I do respect your work, but this is juts so bad it’s good.
Carnival of Souls (1962)- Low budget strange flick about a woman who survives a car crash that kills two of her friends. She moves away to start a new life and soon begins to hallucinate that some strange man is following her. The people are odd and the circumstances are odd making this horror movie on the verge of being art house fare. Not that there's anything wrong with that and there isn't. Get over the oddness and almost lack of plot and you'll probably like this little movie for its creepy visuals and bizarre ending. Played an influence on Romero as he was getting ready to make "Night of the Living Dead." A.
Carrie (1976)- Before Stephen King became cliché there was Carrie. Written by King, directed by Brian DePalma, and starring Sissy Spacek, how could you go wrong? A high school girl is an outcast at school, considered weird her peers and a sinner by her religiously psychopathic mother; Carrie's rage burns into telekinetic power. Her full power is unleashed after a terrible joke is played on her at her prom. This is a classic suspenseful movie well acted and directed and it pulls the viewer right in, whether you were the high school bully or the victim of said bully, or somewhere in between, most can relate to this movie. A+
Cat People (1942)- Strange and original little flick. Not strictly horror I guess but not really anything else either. A man falls in love with a woman who emigrated from a country full of superstition. She is from a family with a strange curse. Kind of an odd play on the werewolf/Dr. Jeckyll Mr. Hyde theme. She wants to love him but is really too weird, or maybe it's something else. Despite its subject matter it is played out in a pretty believable way and has a modern feel to it by working in psychiatry instead of silver bullets. Great black and white cinematography too. B+.
Cathy’s Curse (1976)- Bizarre little Canadian film obviously cashing in on movies like "The Omen". One night a mother takes her son and leaves her husband, inexplicably leaving her daughter behind. When her husband gets home and finds his daughter alone in the house and his wife gone with their son he is furious. He heads out to find her, dragging his daughter along and berating women along the way. A fiery car crash kills them both. Jump ahead 20 years and the son who left with his mother is grown, with a daughter of his own, and moves back into the house where the story began. Anyway, we learn early on that his wife has suffered a nervous breakdown and is determined to give viewers one also with her terrible acting and whiny voice. Eventually their daughter finds an old doll that apparently belonged to her aunt (remember, she was killed in the car crash). She becomes possessed, I guess by her aunt or maybe by her uncle, they never really say, and more than a little pissed at women, apparently blaming her death on her mother rather than her drunk father. Rotten special effects, senseless dialogue, and terrible directing follow. I guess the mother, recovering from the nervous breakdown, is loosing touch with reality as she doesn’t seem all that surprised that her daughter can disappear and reappear and that the house itself shakes and moves, slams doors and windows, and locks and unlocks doors whenever she tries to get in or do something. The father is totally oblivious to everything that is going on. I put this in the ‘could’ve been good’ file. If they would’ve taken a more subtle approach (less telekinesis, less Casio keyboard music, less silly special effects, and more suspense, and approaching the story in a way that forced the viewer to decide whether that mother was in fact crazy or the daughter was in fact possessed), it could’ve possibly worked. Because it does, although rarely, generate some atmosphere I’ll give it a D-.
Cave, The (2005)- First take every cliché from the 'trapped and hunted' horror movie sub genre starting with 1951's "The Thing" to 2004's "Alien vs. Predator", then add a cast of Sears Catalogue models as some sort of dive team extreme sport enthusiast types and low and behold you have "The Cave". Apparently a scientist has discovered a huge cave under the Carpathian Mountains and needs help exploring. Who ya gonna call? Obviously the only people for the job are the previously mentioned American Sears Catalogue unprofessional, risk taking, extreme sport enthusiast types. Lord knows no one in Europe could possibly know what to do. Anyway, make unprofessional comments about eye candy female scientist, go down in cave and get angry and jealous about who gets to go where, get in a few alpha male fights to add tension and excitement, realize you are not alone, make references to the "top of the food chain", make bad decisions, etc. This movie has fairly good production values, the acting is OK except for a couple parts, but it is so predictable and generic that it is pretty worthless short of the ol' MST3K treatment, which it is ripe for. I'm not going to flunk it though since I did catch myself getting pulled into a couple suspenseful parts, brief though they were. D-.
Cemetery Man (1994)- This is one of those surreal movies that seems to take place in an alternate universe. The cemetery caretaker and his half wit helper always have to kill the dead folks who’ve been buried in the cemetery. They just always come back around 7 days after being buried, that’s just the way it is. He wants to complain to the government but there’s just too much paper work, and they don’t really want to hear about it anyway, especially in an election year. So the Cemetery Man and his side kick bury everyone twice, and live a lonely existence. Love interests come and go under even odder circumstances (especially for the assistant) and the line between living and dead blurs even more. This is a great camp ride, a must see for lovers of the bizarre and zombie film addicts. Well done and some great zombie effects (the Boy Scout zombies are awesome and the head zombie is classic!) too. A+
Changeling, The (1980)- George C. Scott has a good life, nice wife, smart, young daughter, and then tragedy strikes. Right before his eyes he sees them killed on a snowy highway. George tries to put it all behind him by moving to a new place in a massive old mansion that is on the local historical register. And then weird things begin to happen. Is it his deceased family? Or is there something sinister that happened in that old house? This is a really good ghost story. It's hard to come up with an original haunted house feature but it works really well here, from great acting and directing to nice twists. Always a favorite of mine. A.
Child’s Play (1988)- Classic 80s slasher with a twist. A criminal who has been studying black magic transmigrates into a doll when he’s sure the cops are closing in. The first half of the movie is about a kid who gets the doll, realizes the doll is a little more real than it should be, especially after it kills his aunt. Of course, no one believes him until they are confronted by the doll (in one of the greatest camp scenes ever filmed the lead detective meets Chuckie, the doll, while driving in his car). This movie isn’t scary in any sense of the word (but who didn’t as a child have one of those ‘creepy’ toys like Chuckie or the clown in "Poltergeist"?) but it plays well as a campy twist on the slasher genre, which was getting a little long in the tooth by ’88. Get past a little wooden acting, especially by the little kid, and you’ll like this one. A-.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972)- With a title like that there really is no going wrong. Bob Clark wrote and directed this and went on to make "Black Christmas", "Porkey's", and "A Christmas Story" among others. This is a low budget offering to be sure but the cast and crew made due with what little they had and like Peter Jackson's early low budget work you realize that there's quality under the hood. The story is about a smart-assed theatre troop director who takes his smart-assed actors out to a burial island to dig up a grave and try out some black magic to see if it really works. The theatre director is a pompous ass and continually holds his position as the actors' boss and how hard it is to find work as an actor over the heads of his cast. At first they are willing to go along with his insanity and view it as a great gag but then things go too far, sadly, by then it's too late as an entire cemetery's worth of zombies are on the hunt. This is a black comedy in the vain of "The Evil Dead" which I think borrowed quite a bit from this movie. It's no masterpiece but if you like the stumbling Romero zombie vision (and this was riding on "Night's..." coat tales) then you'll probably like this. There's something about this movie that I liked even though I honestly can't quite put my finger on what it is. A-.
Christine (1983) - You probably already know the plot to this one. Boy is a geek with pushy parents, boy sees old car, boy buys old car, restores old car, become car’s best friend, car takes to destroying boy's tormentors, boy becomes cool, car goes too far. Strange tale to be sure, I never read the book but I’ve always liked the movie. It’s no masterpiece but John Carpenter directed and made the movie believable in an odd way. The acting and effects hold up pretty well too. B.
Church, The (1989)- Back in the day Teutonic Knights attack and kill everyone, men, women, children, and animals, in a village. They have reason to believe the villagers are possessed and worship Satan. They feel, after the massacre that the only way to contain the evil is to build a large cathedral over the hole containing the bodies of the villagers. Jump ahead to modern times and a new librarian at the now old gothic cathedral figures out the old church has something to hide. He wants the power or riches buried there so he removes the "Stone with 7 eyes" and unleashes the evil and everyone, from church workers to worshippers, to those touring the old cathedral, are overtaken by it. This movie moves along at a respectable pace and has some really good atmosphere, as well as some bad acting and unintentional laughs. It borrows heavily from John Carpenter’s "Prince of Darkness" and also tosses in elements of "Rosemary’s Baby" near the end. I was a little disappointed in this one as I expected a little more form it with Argento on board as producer/writer. (So were the Teutonic Knights right in killing the villagers? And exactly how does SPOILER ALERT collapsing the church contain the evil?) C+.
City of the Living Dead (1980)- The first in Fulci’s loosely tied together zombie trilogy (followed by "The Beyond" and "House by the Cemetery"), these zombies are some oddly powerful supernatural zombie ghost like things. Here we have the priest of a small town parish (probably not coincidentally called "Dunwich") who, by hanging himself in the cemetery, opens the gates of Hell. He, along with his victims, walk around town killing folks, either by causing them to regurgitate their innards, bleed from their eyes, or their apparent favorite, squeezing the brains from their heads. Although there are no stabbed, removed, or poked out eyes, we do get lots of close-ups of eyes and we also get a drill through the head. Most of the effects work pretty well, and while there isn’t exactly a great narrative story going on here, we do get some good Fulci atmosphere and gore. I like "The Beyond" a little better despite its obvious flaws, and neither measure up to "Zombi 2" but this one was still pretty good. C+
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)- Of course it’s scifi but I remember seeing this at the drive-in when I was knee high to a grass hopper and it scared the crap out of me, especially the part where the kid opens the door and everything is red outside. Anyway, after many folks in Indiana see some UFOs things for several people begin to change. The movie focuses on two, Richard Dreyfuss and his family and Melinda Dillon and her young son. They become obsessed with UFOs and a particular mountain looking form they can’t quite explain. After loosing his job and his family because of his behavior, Dreyfuss realizes what he is seeing is Devils Tower in Wyoming, where the government is evacuating everyone because of a nerve gas spill... or is that really why? Throughout much of the movie we aren’t really sure if these are invading aliens or if they are benevolent aliens and we never see much more than lights in the sky and strange electromagnetic interference with everything from kids’ toys, to cars, to electric stoves. Spielberg directed and it has much the same feel as his other movies around this time including "ET" and "Poltergeist" (which he produced). It was also an obvious influence on M. Night’s "Signs". Sure the movie feels a little dated now but it still works. B+
Cloverfield (2008)- You’ve probably heard this described as a cross between "The Blair Witch Project" and "Godzilla", and that’s not inaccurate. A couple is throwing a going way party for the guy’s brother. The first 15 minutes or so are spent getting ready for and attending the party, here we get to meet the players and develop some characters like the smartass Hud who is assigned to film the party and partygoers ‘goodbyes’. While sitting on the fire escape discussing whether or not the main character should go after the girl he loves they feel what they think is an earthquake. They flip on the news and a tanker has capsized near the Statue of Liberty, then all Hell literally breaks loose as buildings collapse, heads roll (sorry), and people run (lots of running). Turns out a giant monster is attacking Manhattan and is taking no prisoners. So we follow the small group of partygoers through Manhattan dealing with the monster, the military, and the monster's offspring as they try and make their way back to help a friend. This is one of those shaky handicam movies so if you hate that style then don’t bother, but if you can stomach that then you’re in for a ride. Great effects, pretty good acting, and just enough character development to keep it interesting. So what is this monster and where did it come from? Who cares? An angle like that would’ve never worked in a movie strictly about these folks quest to save a friend. And yeah it is short, but seriously, you wouldn’t want it to be any longer, and as for the end, I’ve read a lot of complaints, but I don’t see how it could’ve ended any better (yeah, in the end it is a love story taking place in what is probably a metaphor for a terrorist attack, take from that whatever you want as all movies like this, unless made by Ed Wood, are metaphors for something, and it’s still a great ride). I’m going to give this a very strong A.
Coffin Joe: At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964)- Surprisingly atmospheric little no-budget flick out of Brazil. Joe Coffin, or Ze, is the local mortician. He deliberately antagonizes the locals with his blatant disregard for their religion and traditions, eating meat on Good Friday, and forcing others to do the same, getting loaded in the local saloon, picking fights, and hitting on the ladies, he basically treats everyone like crap. He seems to have a pretty bad temper but it is never really explained if his powers are somehow supernatural, his contempt for such things makes it seem unlikely, he just must have really high blood pressure. But all he really wants is a son so his sterile wife has to be eliminated, as does his friend, if he wants his friend’s fiancé. Murder, suicide, and curses ensue until the procession of the dead shows up. This flick had to have been made for pretty much nothing yet it has a certain atmosphere and feel to it that seems to work and allows it to rise above some bad acting, terrible dubbing (the version I saw was subtitled but the voices still didn’t match up!), and insane effects at the end. If you’re not into low budget foreign efforts then steer clear, but if you like the bizarre cult horrors then this is a must see. A-
Coffin Joe: This Night I Will Possess Your Corpse (1967)- Part two in the Coffin Joe trilogy picks right up where part one left off. Joe has been attacked, but the villagers, for some unknown reason, save him and he’s then acquitted of his crimes due to a lack of evidence. Joe quickly resumes his old ways, this time with the help of hunchback Bruno, of trying to find the perfect woman to have the perfect child with. Joe knows the only real immortality is through our offspring. So how do you go about finding the perfect mate to breed with, well, you kidnap a bunch of women and then try and scare the crap out of them with spiders and snakes, the one that doesn’t get scared is the chosen one, the ones that do get scared, well they don’t get to live. So Joe sets about kidnapping, scaring, and torturing women, but before he finds his dream girl he is cursed. Joe is Nietzschean atheist so curses don’t scare him (despite what happened the last time he was cursed) and he finds, and impregnates, his perfect mate, and soon after he is dragged away to spend a night in Hell. This has all the atmosphere of part one with a slightly higher budget (or maybe it just looked that way) and a little surrealism thrown in. Joe’s trip into Hell is in color (the rest being in B&W) and feels like it was right out of Dante and despite the budget is a pretty effective set piece. Like part one this stuff ain’t for everybody but if you appreciate low budget foreign cult films then this is a must see. Although the story actually makes less sense than part one I will give it a slightly higher grade as I liked it a little more. A
Coffin Joe: Awakening the Beast (1970)- I tried to be open minded, seriously I did, and I do like the surrealistic... usually. But this one, Christ! Here we have a group of psychiatrists talking about the negative effects of drugs, we are shown those effects in snippets of the psychedelic experiences the drug users have, which usual amount to degrading women through sex, violence, and pissing in a pot, oh and being forced to listen to some terrible music and bad philosophy 101 essays. Eventually we get to the color segment where one psychiatrist is trying to show the effect of LSD, or maybe the effect of Coffin Joe movies, I was losing interest. Anyway, we wind up with an anti-establishment, evil-begets evil type of film. The strange thing about the Coffin Joe trilogy is José Mojica Marins, the writer, director, and star always seems to undermine his own philosophical stands by proving that what he is trying to prove is right in fact wrong. Check the trilogy out to see if you agree. Anyway, I have to admit I hated this one, I’ll give it a D- as some of the color sequences were interesting.
Company of Wolves, The (1984)- A modern retelling of the Little Red Riding Hood tale complete with werewolves and dangerous woods. A girl who is just hitting puberty is told tales about how men are basically animals by her grandmother. Her mother tells her otherwise so she is not sure who to believe. All she knows is she must not stray from the path. Yes, this is chock FULL of Freudian symbolism representing sex, growth, loss of innocence, etc. And it plays like a fairy tale pretty much throughout, basically being the dream of a girl who is afraid of getting older. It is probably more fantasy than horror, but the werewolf transformation scenes are some of the best and there are tense moments and a sense of dread as everyone in the village fears the wolves and the approach of winter. Some may see an ‘anti-male’ bias to the film (the book it was based on was written by a woman who rewrote fairy tales from a feminist point of view), but the father, neighbor, and neighbor’s son are good people, and it is the men who end up protecting the village. I think the gist is some men (and some women) are just bad and while all of us have animal like impulses, some control them better than others. Maybe I’m wrong. I liked this movie quite a bit. I do understand the arguments against it (senseless, too symbolic, hard to follow) but if you keep in mind it is a dream, a fantasy, and approach it as such then the surreal nature makes sense. I’ll give it an A.
Condemned To Live (1935)- Surprisingly decent old school "Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde mixed with a vampire" flick. A pregnant woman, hiding out in a cave from African Voodoo practitioners is bitten by a vampire bat, sealing the fate of her unborn child. Forty years on and her son has grown to be a professor and doctor and is known throughout his community as a generous and charitable man, thought of by the locals as a saint. Lately, in this community people have been getting murdered, having their throats bitten and drained of blood and their bodies deposited in a cave. It is the good doctor (we know this early on) succumbing, because of the stress of his impending marriage and his overwork, to his ‘dark side’, which is not so subtly conveyed by the fact he only turns into a vampire when he is in darkness. This one never won any awards, and it wouldn’t deserve them if it had, but it’s still a good enough hour long flick if you like ‘em old school. B-.
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)- For me, The Planet of the Apes franchise is a roller coaster ride. I really liked the first one, hated the second, liked the third, and well, this one isn’t as bad as the second but leaves quite a bit to be desired. Most of the problems stem from the low budget though and those are forgivable, mainly the lame battle scenes, which last forever. One of the things I liked about the first film was it avoided that ‘60’s sci-fi’ feel. The second film was nothing but ‘60’s sci-fi’ feel. The third film recovered and impressed by not going with the stereotypical characters, the fourth was nothing but stereotypical characters. The evil governor and his torture happy henchmen, the ape control officers who’s uniforms look remarkably like Nazi uniforms, the sympathetic black man who had ancestors who were slaves, the rich people who mistreat the apes. There is no doubt at all who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. And just exactly how did Caesar teach those apes how to fight so quickly? Anyway, this film picks up about 20 years after "Escape..." Caesar is visiting the city with the circus owner from the last film. He is seeing how apes are treated and not digging it. He accidentally talks and gets Ricardo in trouble but he escapes. Revolution (somehow) ensues. This isn’t a bad film, I like the idea and the writing is OK, it is just made on the cheap and paints such an obvious black and white picture. Plus, you need to do more than the usual ‘suspending of belief’. C+
Constantine (2005)- I had heard this movie was really bad so wasn't interested in seeing it but Jenny's uncle bought it and let us borrow it so it was a free viewing. Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Keep in mind it is based on a comic book and you'll understand what I mean. It is basically "Men In Black" only with demons instead of aliens and without the Fresh Prince. It was too long and the end was a let down but I didn't hate it. C.
Coraline (2009)- Fun fantasy/horror aimed at the 12 year olds but if you like stuff like "A Nightmare Before Christmas" or "Corpse Bride" then you’ll probably like this. It was filmed in 3D and it looks really good too. It is the story of Coraline, a girl who is ignored by her parents and at that age where the whole world is against her. She finds a hidden world locked away in her new house, and it is a great place, or so it looks. She soon realizes all is not what it seems and her ‘new mom’ wants Coraline’s love... and her soul, her ‘old’ world is beginning to look better. Yeah, it’s kid’s stuff but I like breaking it up with flicks like this sometimes. A.
Corpse Bride, The (2005)- Animated Goth horror from Tim Burton. His "A Nightmare Before Christmas" is a masterpiece so "Corpse Bride" has a long way to go to measure up and of course it doesn't quite get there. Still, in context it is a great little flick. The story? A boy and girl are unhappy with the idea of their arranged marriage until they actually meet and then they realize they may be made for one another. The boy is too nervous at the rehearsal though and goes to practice his vows in the woods, where he accidentally marries a dead woman. She takes him 'home' and things become complicated for them both. The voices and characters are perfect for an animated feature as is the length. The songs aren't as good as "A Nightmare..." but everything can't be perfect. A-.
Crazies, The (1973)- Romero's 3rd film it delves a little deeper into themes he had touched on in "Night of the Living Dead". Where that is about a society of consumers and isolation, this is about mistrust in the military and the government. A government plane carrying a man made biological weapon (a virus) crashes near a small Pennsylvania town and leaks the weapon into the water supply. The town is quarantined by the military and misinformation, lack of preparation, and general disarray cause a black comedy of errors that all but ensures the spread of the virus, which effects different people in different ways, causing some to act 'high' and some to become very violent. It is a typical Romero film with a cast of no names, some of which are really good and some, well, not so good, fairly shoddy editing and camera work, which isn't a bad thing in Romero's case and makes for a better film (I think he has been a huge influence on the look and feel of horror movies today with the over exposed and shaky shots, which now often seem forced but in Romero's hands give the film an edgy documentary feel). This is a good movie with an obvious and still very relevant message but it doesn't hold up, in my opinion, to Romero's Dead films. For me it just doesn't quite capture that elusive 'atmosphere' many of his other films capture. B-
Creature from The Black Lagoon (1954)- Some bad acting, dated, crazy music, and silly plot lines almost doom this one. Almost. The underwater scenes are brilliantly filmed and the "Creature Suit" is very impressive considering the times. On an expedition in the Amazon Jungle an archeologist finds a fossilized hand of some sort of amphibian. With the help of a greedy scientist (which in the 50s replaced the 'Mad Scientist') the archeologist puts together an expedition into the jungle to find the rest of the fossilized remains. Of course what they find is no fossil. The female role in this one starts out like she might be as smart as the men but then winds up being eye candy that just screams a lot. Why did women scream a lot back in the day? Instead of saying "Hey look! He's over here quick!!" She'd just cover her mouth and say "AHaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" She also goes for a dip in the Amazon, you know, with the piranha, alligators, electric eels, water snakes, etc. One shot across the boat shows each man with a gun, and the physically weakest of the crew, the woman, without one. Ah sexism back in the day. It don't get no better'n that. All flaws aside this is a classic. B.
Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)- How did Corman actually pull off halfway decent flicks with absolutely no budget? This goofy little spoof plays out like one of those "Airplane!" movies with over the top comedy mixed with a subtle wit. The plot is about a gangster hired by Cuban refugees during the Cuban Revolution to get gold out of their country. He plans on killing the Cubans and blaming it on a legendary monster that lives in the ocean, and then he’ll keep the gold. Of course it turns out the monster is real. The characters are insanely over the top as is the dialogue, but it works as a complete spoof of all things monster-gangster-spy. It gets a little tedious near the halfway point and even at 75 minutes is a little too long. Despite that I’ll give it a B but keep in mind this is low budget comedy schlock.
Creature Walks Among Us, The (1956)- After "Revenge of the Creature" I was ready to give up on the franchise but since there was only one more made I thought I'd give it a chance. It turned out to be much better than the sequel and maybe even better than the first. To make a long story short another Creature, or maybe it's the same immortal Creature, I don't know, is captured and experimented on. A scientist wants to make the Creature human and proves the Creature almost is human and can be changed. Silly non-scientific explanations as to why this could work are held to a minimum, and there is a little actual character development. The scientist is older than his eye candy wife and is jealous of her and over protective of her. This whole plot works nicely and kept me interested (is it actually a racist statement being made here?). In the end all Hell beaks loose. Good directing, acting, and actually well written. B+.
Creepshow (1982)- A classic pairing of Stephen King and George Romero that works. King is a fan of the old horror comics from back in the day and Romero has the perfect black humor camp meets horror style to direct and it works, bringing to the screen in omnibus movie form the feel of those classic comics without going totally overboard like Tales From The Crypt was apt to do. The stories: In "Father's Day" an old man who really wanted a cake for father’s Day and got murdered instead, comes back for his cake many years later, and he gets the cake too. Although not much really happens it is good to see Romero able to kick the flick off with a zombie tale! B+. In "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill" Stephen King plays a country bumpkin who finds a meteorite on his property, dreams of getting rich selling it to the university soon turn bleak as a green moss starts growing and spreading from anywhere the meteorite has been, and I mean anywhere. Great FX in this one with the day glow grassy moss growing everywhere, but King’s performance is a little too campy, but considering the material it passes. C+. In "Something to Tide You Over" a filthy rich Leslie Nielson isn’t about to let his wife leave him for Ted Danson so he buries the couple up to their necks in the sand on his beach and waits for the tide to do them in. Great suspense, acting, and directing on this one, and of course, water logged zombies soon show up. Predictable but as Hell but it is still a classic very well done. A-. In "The Crate" a janitor finds an old crate under the stairs at a university and calls the professor to check it out, one thing leads to another and it turns out there is a living monster inside the crate. Maybe the professor’s best friend could help him out, and could also use the monster to help him with his horribly obnoxious wife. A really good segment with great effects and a great mix of horror and camp to boot, kind of ‘Lovecraftian’ in feel.. A. And in "They're Creeping Up On You" an old Mr. Scrooge business man type is obsessed with cleanliness, especially when it comes to bugs, specifically roaches, and the roaches decide they don’t like him either. A classic and perfect closer to the omnibus, genuinely creepy and well done. A+. Final grade is a strong A.
Creeper (1977)- Although technically released prior to the slasher flick cycle this one more or less falls in that category. A group of doctors head out into the Canadian wilderness for a week long vacation, things seem to be going fine until they realize someone as stolen their boots. It’s all down hill from there as the doctors are picked off one by one in increasingly disturbing ways. Not graphic and low budget, this movie does create some great suspense and is well acted and directed. There are some plot holes but I’ll leave that to you so as not to reveal too much. A-.
Creepers (1984)- Let me get this plot laid out. The daughter of a famous actor transfers to an all girls' school in the Swiss Alps. Several months prior there had been a brutal unsolved murder. We learn early on that a bee has never stung her. Her first night at the school she sleepwalks and while asleep 'witnesses' another brutal murder. She winds up at the kindly old entomologists house. He's wheel chair bound but has a chimpanzee for a 'nurse'. He is amazed at the girl's odd relationship with his collection of insects and teaches her how to wake herself up while sleepwalking. The next night her roommate sneaks out (no one seems overly concerned that there is a serial killer preying on the girls). Again the main character begins sleepwalking but wakes herself up before going outside. She ends up outside though to find her roommate has been killed. A firefly (we call them lightnin'bugs in these here parts) leads her to a glove the killer wore.(?) She takes the glove to the kindly entomologist and explains how she found it. He comes to the conclusion she can communicate telepathically with insects. (?) To prove this, and to find the killer, he gives her a 'sarcophagus fly' and tells her it will lead her to the killer. Instead it leads her to the house where the killer used to live. Close but no cigar. The girl decides she wants out of this school, especially since the other girls have found out she thinks she can communicate with insects so they start ripping on her. She contacts her father's agent and begs him to get her out of there. This leads us to a pretty intense and insane conclusion where the killer is revealed, a couple times, and all Hell breaks lose. This is typical Dario Argento fair. Young girl in isolated situation, killers, odd behavior, and a need to suspend all belief and never ask 'why' or 'what', and also lots of heads going through plate glass windows in slow motion. Despite the insane plot and huge plot holes this movie is pretty good. It is well-acted and well directed, 'artsy' enough to be interesting but not so 'artsy' you lose what's going on. A-
Crimes at the Dark House (1940)- Tod Slaughter laughs his way through quite a few murders in this adaptation of "The Lady in White". First he kills off a guy while prospecting in Australia, Tod returns to England to assume the dead guy’s identity because he is filthy rich, but, it turns out, he isn’t rich at all and now Tod has to try and marry the local rich gal who is being taken care of by her hypochondriac uncle, while he also juggles hooking up with one of the maids. Leering, maniacal laughter, dastardly deeds, and really bad plans follow. I really dug this one. It is insanely over the top moustache twirling mayhem melodrama at its best. If you like this goofy crap then this is a must see and maybe one of Tod’s best, if you hate 40s camp killers then you will REALLY hate this. I think I will give this an A+ on the craptacular scale. It really isn’t ‘so bad its good’, just so campy its good.
Crimes of Stephen Hawke, The (1936)- Good old Tod Slaughter, breaking spines with his bare hands. We start out with Tod casing a huge mansion and deciding, maybe for practice, to kill off a little boy who lives there. Shocking stuff in 1936. We then find out that by day Tod is Stephen Hawke, a nice old money lender and local business man. But he really got rich by cracking spines and stealing jewels, which he continues to do, in what seems like a really bad plan when he does it at a party he was hosting. Deaths pile up, Stephen runs away, but he must return to the scene of the crime to keep his lovely adopted daughter from being blackmailed into marriage because of who he is, an odd touch of sympathy for Mr. Slaughter. Tod was somewhat of a legend in British theatre, always playing ruthless murderers and seemingly taking maybe too much pleasure in his rolls! He solidified his film casting with his portrayal of Sweeney Todd. This one is pretty creaky and definitely shows its age, and with most Slaughter movies, is really just a filmed stage play, complete with a very bizarre radio program intro that is so dated it was actually painful for me. So, if you like over the top salty ham chucks with your ancient serial killer flicks, then this is for you, just skip the first 5 minutes! I’ll give this an A- on the craptacular scale, check out "Crimes at the Dark House" to really see Tod at his batshit best.
Crow, The (1994)- Although the plot of this one is very unoriginal (a man and his girlfriend are killed for trying to stop a slum lord from forcing people to move, the man comes back from the grave to exact revenge on the slum lord/gangster and his henchmen), the execution of said plot is very original and well done. This is a great, atmospheric flick about love, loss, karma, and death. I always wonder in flicks like this though why those killed by the avenging ghost don’t get any revenge; I guess that’s where the karma part comes in. Anyway, the acting, directing, and over-all look of this one are great, full of dark wet streets, tweaker criminals, and a ghost out for revenge. Sadly, Brandon Lee (The Crow) was killed while filming this one (and in what seems to me an odd bit of irony, Heath Ledger’s Joker in "The Dark Knight" is very reminiscent of Brandon Lee’s Crow character, and Ledger also died while filming "The Dark Knight", although under very different circumstances). I would give this an A+ but some of the rock guitar bits are starting to feel a little dated, still it deserves a very strong A.
Cry of the Werewolf (1944)- Low budget werewolf flick about a gypsy princess who inherited her mother’s curse of turning into a werewolf. A museum curator is hot on the trail of finding her mother’s grave, whose location is apparently a local legend, and she’s willing to kill to keep it a legend. The curator is killed, his assistant driven mad, tough guy cops show up along with the curator’s son who is in love with his adopted sister (?) and secret tunnels, moving walls, and bad acting follow. Over all it isn’t a bad idea, but it just isn’t executed very well with crummy FX and cardboard acting. File under ‘almost was’. C-.
Crypt of the Living Dead (1973)- Much maligned Spanish vampire flick about a man who goes to a small fishing village on an isolated island to recover the body of his father, who died under some mysterious circumstances. The father died while investigating vampirism as the island was once known as Vampire Island and legend has it was populated by nothing but vampires until they were killed off around the time of the crusades. The vampire queen is buried in a tomb and the man’s father is lying smashed under her incredibly heavy tomb. He convinces the locals to help him get his father out but what they don’t bargain for is the opening of the tomb itself. Of course, the queen of the vampires is perfectly preserved. The downside is we know, right form the start, that the man’s friend was to blame for his father’s death so the ending comes as no surprise at all. That pretty much sums up this one, lots of potential but little payoff. Still, I liked it and felt despite the low budget, bad sound, and dark transfer (I’ve read this one was actually filmed in color but mine is in black and white), and bad dialogue that the movie was able to create some atmosphere and had some cool images. File under damn near good. C+
Curse of Frankenstein, The (1957)- Hammer's first foray into horror and already they got it right. Peter Cushing is the overly ambitious Victor Frankenstein who inherits a fortune at a young age and hires a tutor who eventually becomes his lab assistant. They dabble in resurrecting the dead and then come across a way to make it work. And of course, Frankenstein goes too far and Christopher Lee as the Monster is created. Ego, edginess, science, and insanity are explored in this effective rewrite of the story. Hammer also set the standard for use of color, great sets, costumes, directing, writing, and acting in horror movies with this flick. If you like the Frankenstein story and dig Hammer films and haven't seen this one then it is a must see. Plain great old school story telling. A+.
Curse of the Cat People (1944): This isn't really a horror movie per se but was a sequel to "The Cat People". Val Lewton was kind of tired RKO handing him "audience tested titles" so he went off on his own with this little tale of a girl with an over active imagination... or is it just her imagination? Yeah, it probably is. It's also adults trying to crush that imagination out of her and make her like everybody else. Interesting for its themes of imagination and conformism. Nicely paced well-directed story. Not scary in the literal sense but pretty good stuff. B+.
Curse of the Demon (1958)- So is demonology real, or a figment of over active imaginations? And if it is real, how does it work? Skeptics run across what appears to be 'the real thing' with regards to someone who conjures demons, hexes, and magic in general. This is a gem of a little atmospheric horror tale, if you ignore the rotten demon sequences, which apparently director Jacques Tourneur didn't want to add, but the producers insisted upon adding. It was after all the monster movie rage of the 50s. Still, this is a nicely paced, well-acted little tale. A.
Curse of the Devil (1973)- Paul Naschy is at it again, this time a family curse put on his ancestors turns him into a werewolf. Apparently his ancestors killed off a coven of Satan worshipping witches so they cursed his family and their descendents (actually they only cursed one of his descendents in a somewhat random fashion), a group of foxy hot gypsies, makes sure the curse goes down. It is an extremely complicated curse that I didn’t quite get and it seemed like a very bizarre way to get back at the people who executed you but whatever. This is typical EuroTrash, completely illogical and lots of sex scenes with busty gals that strive for a little controversy, or maybe they are just there to break up the boredom. If you trimmed down the sex scenes and the scenes of people walking around and looking at each other this flick would’ve only been about 45 minutes long, throw in some sex and some walking around and you have 90 minutes of TERROR! Well, not quite. For Paul Naschy fans or Spanish werewolf film completists only. F
Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb (1964)- Hammer revisits the mummy legend, this time without Cushing or Lee. It’s basically the same story as pretty much every other mummy story, Egyptologists find a tomb, disturb it, are cursed, die at the hands of a mummy. This time out an American is funding the research. Once the tomb is found he plans on taking the artifacts out on tour with his circus, which doesn’t sit too well with the Egyptians, or the archeologists either. Of course we know that the mummy won’t be having any of that anyway. The twist at the end was a nice change in the story, even though you’ll know pretty early on who the ‘bad guy’ is. This wasn’t a bad entry in the Hammer cycle, a little slow starting and the mummy makeup was effective, but I still kept feeling like I’d seen it all before, which I more or less had since all mummy movies are more or less the same. C
Curse of the Werewolf (1961)- Hammer was so incredibly original in their early days and was always able to put a good spin on an old story. After success with the Frankenstein, Dracula, and The Mummy stories they went after the werewolf and again it worked out very well for them. A beggar while in prison rapes a young woman. A local couple adopts her son and the rage left in him from his dark past has a strange way of venting itself, especially after he falls for a woman he really shouldn't be chasing. These earlier Hammer vehicles don't feel so much like "Horror Movies" as "Movies about Horror". The story always comes first, something many studios (as well as Hammer) soon forgot. This is a great period piece with an original story (based on the book "A Werewolf in Paris" but Hammer had some Spanish sets left from another movie so moved the local). A.
Cursed (2005)- This flick is basically just a rehash of plots, all mashed together. A heaping helping of "The Lost Boys", with a nice amount of "An American Werewolf In London", add equal parts "Silver Bullet" and "Fright Night" and you have this plot pretty much figured out. Still, I liked it. No it's far from original, and very predictable, but it just reminded me of the 80s and sneaking into the theatre to see the above mentioned horror flicks. So what's it about? A brother and sister get in an accident in the Hollywood Hills and are attacked by a 'wolf'. Now they are showing signs of becoming wolves themselves. Who's behind it all? Will the geeky brother like the effects of becoming a werewolf too much to let it go? Predictable, unoriginal, and I liked it. B.
Dagon (2001)- This Lovecraft tale is about a couple who find themselves stuck on a sail boat in a storm, the boat hits rocks so they head for shore to get help. They don’t find any help on shore, instead they find some half human half fish creatures who want very badly to capture and or kill them. A local who hasn’t succumbed to the fish changing disease, but has taken to quite a bit of drinking, tells them the story of how this came to be. It was a fishing village that had fallen on bad times, when a sailor told them about worshipping the god Dagon things would get better, so they did, and things did, and now, well, I’m not sure if this is better or not. The first half of the movie is basically a long (too long) chase scene; the second half becomes kind of an insane monster riddled alternate reality, not unlike a Lovecraft story! Over-all it is pretty well done, some parts campy, some pretty atmospherically scary, and some downright gory. There was obviously not much of a budget to work with, but they are able to make due with what’s available. I’ll give it a B.
Dark Fields (2004)- This is a painfully bad, painfully unoriginal "teens stalked by a killer" flick. A group of incredibly annoying bad actors run out of gas in the middle of no where, well not really no where, they are at some old farm, they look for gas, walk around, whine and complain, and get killed off. The action packed chase scene ending is seriously just so ridiculously bad that it is hilarious. A must see for connoisseurs of the terrible, all others stay far away. A+ on the craptacular scale.
Dark Ride (2006)- Here is one generic and predictable slasher flick. Was this made in the 80s or in the 2000s? A group of college kids are driving to New Orleans for Spring Break. There is some sexual tension between some of the guys and girls, and there is the nice guy, geeky guy, and annoying guy. The girls are typical but we get a hitchhiker to play the slut a little later in their trip. Anyway they stop along the way at a ‘dark ride’ that had been recently reopened (it had been closed in the 80s after a series of murders that took place in it). Take a wild guess what happens next. The twist ending actually was very predictable. Now having more or less ripped on the flick I have to tell you I really didn’t mind it that much. It was just fluff but it did have a good atmosphere in the ‘dark ride’ locals, and the killer was pretty effective. All things being equal I’ll give this a strong C+.
Dark Water (2002)- The original Japanese version ‘feels’ a little better I think than the American remake. It is still pretty derivative obvious comparisons to "The Ring" (same director) aside it still feels a lot like "The Changeling" as well. Still, if you are looking for a slow paced, slow building ghost story with no gore and no ‘gotcha’ scares then this is for you, if you want some action, or a faster paced scare-fest then you will hate this. The story revolves around a young woman who is going through a divorce and a custody battle for her 6 year old daughter. Her husband is pulling out all the stops to get custody, and we find out the woman has needed psychiatric help in the past. When she moves into a run down apartment things begin to really break down for her. She has the pressure of the divorce, the custody battle, trying to find a job, taking care of a 6 year old, dealing with the run down apartment and uncaring apartment manager, all piling up on her already fragile psyche when she starts noticing things that may or may not be there. Is she loosing her mind or is this place haunted by a missing girl? Like I mentioned this is a ghost story, with all the full on slow pace and out of focus background shots that accompany a story like this. There is no ‘devouring’ room or collapsing houses a la "Poltergeist" or jump out of your seat scares like "The Grudge" or mutilated bodies etc. This one gets put in with "The Haunting" and as mentioned "The Changeling". If you like those types of movies you will like this one. A
Dark Water (2005)- This is a pretty effective story despite it borrowing heavily from several other movies, mainly "The Changeling", "The Grudge", and "The Ring". So there's nothing original here but the acting and deliberately slow/suspenseful pace work pretty well. A woman going through a divorce and possible custody battle for her young daughter moves into a crappy old apartment building. It's all she can afford but it is by a good school so it seems like it might work out. Of course it doesn't as strange things begin to happen. Is the lady crazy? Is it the punk thrashers that live in the building? Is it? Anyway, it's a good enough ghost story to get a passing grade but loses points in the originality department. B-
Darkness (2004)- A family moves to Spain (where the father lived when he was young) and moves into a weird old house. The father begins having relapses of a mental disorder he had suffered from years before. At the same time weird things begin to happen in the house. The couple's young boy begins seeing children in his room and begins having bruises show up on his face and the standard electrical and sound issues come about. Soon all Hell breaks lose and we're let in on a strange secret. The movie was OK. I kind of saw the twist coming because they drop some pretty obvious hints along the way. I don't know, the shaky camera, now it's there now it's not directing is getting a little old. Time to find a new way to film 'ghosts'. Still, there were some effective parts despite a flimsy plot and not too good acting. C.
Darkness Falls (2003)- The Tooth Fairy is killing kids when it's dark. Sort of. I guess. One kid survived his fate into adulthood and now might be crazy or not. I don't know. I hated this movie. What we need is a really bright light! Like a lighthouse. Yeah, that's it! Dumb stuff. F.
Day The Earth Stood Still, The (1950)- Yeah it's more sci-fi, but again, aliens threatening to destroy the earth are scary. This movie is truly a classic that I still dig, despite it's obvious dated looks and flaws. A flying saucer lands in Washington DC and the pilot gets away, leaving a big ass robot to guard the ship. He goes around and learns about humans, war, etc. from a little kid. The irony. Anyway, eventually the military finds him and shoots him dead in the street and the big extremely slow robot wants to take revenge. Without giving too much away, it turns out alien races are pissed off at humans for using nuclear power for weapons rather than peaceful power. They want people to know they won't hesitate to destroy the earth if we threaten any of them. This movie is full of what would become 50s sci-fi clichés and some 50s silliness too, but they weren't cliches yet. I like it and feel it is a classic worth an A.
Dawn of the Dead (1978)- Romero's follow up to "Night of the. Living Dead". Sometime has passed since the problems with the living dead began. Inner cities are becoming unlivable. Some members of a SWAT team, after a botched raid, decide to get out of town. They hook up with a reporter and a news helicopter pilot and fly off to safety, but little safety is to be found. They wind up barricading themselves in a shopping mail. The rest is zombie movie history. Romero likes his horror with a message, like we are a consumerist society bent on consuming everything, including each other. What better way to symbolize that than cannibal zombies at a shopping mall? This a great zombie flick and one of my favorites, some of the effects are a little dated and I don't understand why the mall never loses power but still great story with great direction and a great Romero ending. A+.
Dawn of the Dead (Zombi) (1978)- Dario Argento would help finance Romero’s "Dawn of the Dead" if he could do his own European edit and keep all the European profits. A match made in horror heaven! This is the same flick as Romero’s but with a different soundtrack (provided by Argento’s favorite band The Goblins) and ‘some’ of the ‘American’ humor removed. For instance we still get the zombies tumbling down the escalator to Muzak, but we don’t get the zombies walking into the helicopter rotors. The movie has a faster paced ‘feel’ to it and in some points the new soundtrack adds to the suspense, but in some spots actually detracts from it, sounding very techno 70s dated, which of course it is. I didn’t watch the two versions back to back so it’s hard for me to say which I liked better. As it stands I’d just say this one is a little different, not really better or worse, which means it gets an A+.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)- People hiding from zombies in a shopping mall is really about all this movie has in common with Romero's. The first 10 to 15 minutes of this movie are some of the best ever made for a horror movie. I was instantly into it. (And picking Johnny Cash's "When the Man Comes Around" as the opening song was a stroke of genius). Even after those first 15 minutes the movie really doesn't let up. It gets a tad McGuyverish/action movie near the end but not enough to lessen its impact. Great ending too. Even if you don't like Romero's version of zombies, you should see this remake. A+
Day of the Dead (1985)- Many consider this the weakest of the original Romero trilogy and Romero himself was disappointed that he couldn't get the budget to make the movie he wanted (an all out war between humans and zombies). Personally though, I like this movie a lot. Another great mix of camp and horror as scientists 'protected' by soldiers, try and figure out what is causing the cannibal zombies. No one really trusts anyone and the two sides soon are at war with each other, especially when it's discovered that the lead scientist is using dead soldiers as experiments. 'Dr. Frankenstein' is one of the great horror movie characters and is one reason I like this movie so much. Another well-directed Romero movie, although the acting isn't as strong as his last two zombie films, the pacing and the story work in the cramped, paranoid, claustrophobic surroundings. A.
Day of the Triffids (1962)- Another one of those classics from my childhood. I remember watching this on a cold winter afternoon and digging it. I found it at the library and checked it out. Most of those old flicks I dug as a kid hold up, this one didn't. Pretty rotten special effects (even for the time) and pretty rotten story (although I haven't read it I hear the book is very good). A meteor shower ends up blinding everyone except a few who for one reason or another didn't get to witness it. Then the triffids, plants from space (I guess), begin to grow like mad, move about, and become people eaters. We follow an American who teams up with a little girl and winds up in France. I think M. Night Shamalyan kind of borrowed from here and there for his great "Signs" though. Still, I was disappointed. D-.
Dead Alive (1992)- Peter Jackson some time before he had the budget of "Lord of the Rings". Wow, this one is simply insane. There's a particular monkey that if it bites you, well, you die... sort of. Actually you become a flesh-craving zombie. Can't go wrong with that plot. A guy still lives with his overbearing mother. He'd like to get away and date some girls but his mom won't hear of it. Then the monkey bites her. Loyal son keeps her around despite her hunger and the fact she seems to be spreading the disease all over the neighborhood. Like taking the "Psycho" plot to the next level. Insanity ensues including a simply unbelievable climax that involves lawnmowers. This is probably the goriest movie I've ever seen but it's done in such a cartoon way that you really don't notice it. It's over the top in about every aspect of filmmaking. Next year I'll have a review of Jackson's "Bad Taste" which, from what I hear, is the perfect name. A-.
Dead and Buried (1981)- Twist on the ‘town with a secret’ flick, this town has a secret, and it’s a doozy! New folks who show up in town wind up dead, killed in some pretty heinous fashion as to mutilate their looks. But then they turn up as town residents later on. The local sheriff starts looking into the deaths, and starts to wonder just how his wife and the local weirdo mortician all fit into the mystery. Very well done by horror master Dan O’Bannon, this is a fun ride, frightening, mysterious, and campy to boot. An almost perfect mix (that Dan would perfect a little later with "Return of the Living Dead", this is kind of almost "Return of the Living Dead" light). The ending probably could have gone one of two ways; I think it went the right way over all (you knew it had to be one or the other, that’s all I’ll say.) I liked this one a lot, nothing great, but no glaring weaknesses either. A-.
Dead Heat (1988)- I knew going in what to expect, and I got exactly what I thought I would get. A big evil corporation is reanimating folks and an evil doc is using the zombies to rob jewelry stores. Cops are confused but a couple of loose cannon types are on the case. One gets killed and reanimated and now he’s pissed. Joe Piscapo is in this so you know it is going to suck. It tries to be funny, campy, and scary and fails at all three. The people making this knew it was going to suck so they just went all out. I’m going to give this an F, I know it was supposed to be dumb, but it’s just too damned dumb, despite a great part by The Night Stalker and a cameo by an old Vincent Price.
Dead Man Walk (1943)- Pretty much just a retelling of the Dracula story, this time out a pair of twin brothers, one good and one evil, square off for the soul of one of the twin’s niece, I’m not sure how that works, maybe it was by marriage. Anyway, apparently the good twin, knowing the bad twin was evil, killed him, but what he didn’t bargain for was the fact the evil twin was in tight with the forces of darkness and would come back as a vampire, complete with Renfield as his assistant (although not named that, it is Dwight Frye more or less reprising that role with a little less zeal). Very familiar territory yes, but really overall it’s not that bad. Keep in mind it is very dated and very cheaply made with some piss poor sets (how come anytime anyone goes from place to place in this town they travel through the woods?), but really not bad keeping those things in mind. B-
Dead Meat (2004)- In the mood for a mindless zombie flick? Looking for something in the vein of the classic Italian Zombi films of the late 70s early 80s? Don't really care about things like plot, good acting, interesting dialogue, or character development? Then "Dead Meat" is for you! This is an Irish zombie flick (?) that has no originality at all, but who needs that? A man and woman are driving across Ireland, unaware of a new strain of mad cow disease that seems to infect humans. They run over a man and kill him, the man comes back to life, bites the guy on the neck, he dies, attacks his girlfriend (or wife, whatever), she kills him (with a wicked strong vacuum cleaner), meets up with a local, and they run from hordes (and HORDES) of zombies (why are there always so damned many zombies out in the country?). Tons of zombie 'kills', low budget gore, and everything zombie aficionados love. Keeping in mind the obvious deficiencies I listed above I am going to give this a strong B. I liked it, yeah it is cheap and unoriginal, but I like zombie flicks!
Dead Next Door, The (1985)- Extremely low budget flick (although it was supposedly the most expensive ‘shot-on-video’ movie at the time) not so secretly underwritten by Sam Raimi. Despite the obvious budget constraints and amateur look and feel of the film, it works on its own level. We are some time into a zombie infestation, caused by a virus that reanimates corpses in order to feed itself. We follow along as government ‘zombie squads’ work to eliminate the zombies, scientists work to find a way to stop the zombies with a serum, protestors try and stop the government from mistreating the zombies, and a religious cult has decided that it is God’s will that the world be turned over to zombies. Yes, it is a detailed and fairly well thought out plot, executed by amateurs on a shoestring budget. Some of the effects are really good, some aren’t and some of the sight gags work too (a disembodied head bites the fingers off a person, then the fingers can be seen poking out of the neck, a zombie gets his hand caught in a car door and the car drives off, dragging the zombie along until the hand falls off). If you can handle the piss poor acting, editing, etc that comes with these types of efforts and/or you’re a zombie fanatic (look for the heavy handed references to other zombie flicks) then you will like this one, I give it a strong A for effort.
Dead of Night (1945)- An early horror omnibus film with the wrap around story being about an architect who goes to a country house to look at renovating it. Once there he gets a sense of déjà vu and claims he has dreamt of them all and has a vague idea that something bad is going to happen. A visiting psychiatrist tries to explain away the man’s feeling and other guests tell their stories of brushes with the supernatural. Story one is about a girl at a Christmas Party who, while playing hide and seek, hides in a room where a little boy is crying, she puts the boy to bed only to find out some bad news about him. A good enough simple ghost story. A. Story two is about an engaged couple. The woman buys her fiancé an antique mirror but when the man looks into the mirror he sees himself standing in a different room. Turns out the mirror’s original owner went crazy and killed his wife in front of that mirror; will the man be able to avoid that fate? A tad silly but well executed I’ll give it a B. Story three revolves around a race car driver, who after being involved in a crash has a fever dream that a hearse is waiting outside the hospital for him. When he leaves the hospital he thinks he sees the hearse driver from the dream, can the driver save him? Another well done short, A-. Story four is a campy piece about two golfers who wager a game for the hand of a girl in marriage, one man wins and the other commits suicide. The one who commits suicide finds out (on the other side) that the winner cheated so he comes back to haunt him, but has forgotten how to disappear again. This one is goofy and doesn’t seem to fit in but still isn’t horrible. C+. Finally we have a story about a ventriloquist who’s doll seems to have a mid of its own. Yeah it’s been done a lot since but was fresh here and works really well. A+ If you like these British omnibus movies you’ll like this one, which more or less kicked off the whole sub-genre. My average for the movie comes to about an A- but I’ll bump it to an A as the wrap around is really good, especially the insane ending (although the circular logic conclusion was a tad disappointing).
Dead Ringer (1964)- This falls under ‘suspense thriller’ more than horror for sure, but also was part of Bette Davis’ resurgence after "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" and "Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte". Here Bette plays a dual role as twin sisters (sort of a rehash of an earlier movie she made called "Stolen Life"); one sister is rich as Hell (Maggie), the other on the verge of bankruptcy running a crummy bar on the ‘other’ side of town (Edie). We learn early on that Maggie is rich because she stole Edie’s rich boyfriend back in the day, and Edie will obviously never forgive her. So what is an identical twin to do if she is down on her luck and has a rich sister who she hates more than anything? She has to kill her sister, make it look like it is her who committed suicide, and then assume her sister’s life; much easier said than done as we find out. Here I would say PLOT SPOILER but you can probably guess that this plan isn’t going to work. But I have to admit, the plot twist that ends up fouling up the plot caught me off guard, and the end was actually very well done. The acting and directing are also really good, my only complaint would be, at almost 2 hours, there are times it seems to drag a little, but they are few and far between, and yes, the plot is very far fetched so just hold on for the ride. If you like the suspense films or Bette Davis’ output as she got older then this is recommended. A very strong B+
Dead of Winter (1987)- Tense little suspense thriller that is well acted and fairly well directed but winds up being pretty typically predictable material. An actress is chosen for a part but must head out to the boonies with a couple old guys to do a screen test. She is 'made up' to look like the actress she is replacing and does the screen test. Slowly she begins to realize that she is being held against her will in said boonies and the part she is to play may not be in a movie at all. What exactly is it these two old guys have in mind for her? It is a suspenseful, interesting story and technically well-done but also pretty much ends exactly the way you'd expect it to and there is some expected 'suspension of belief' required too. B-.
Dead Silence (2007)- A ventriloquist doll shows up at a young couple’s apartment, it kills the girl while the guy is out picking up supper. His alibi of someone sending them a dummy and then killing his wife isn’t holding up so well so he goes back home to do a little digging into the weird legend of the old ventriloquist gal who used to do shows at the local theatre. She was apparently accused of killing a young audience member who ridiculed her act and was subsequently killed by a mob. Ever since the town has been haunted by bizarre deaths. Yeah, it’s a little far fetched and falls into some typical young people in distress cliché at times but never the less I liked it. The twist at the end was satisfactory to me and there were some genuinely creepy shots and atmosphere. No it won’t hold up under any intense scrutiny so just don’t over think it and you’ll get an OK ghost story. B.
Dead Zone, The (1983)- Cronenberg does King in this eighties flick about a guy who can see people’s pasts and futures by touching them. He gets this ability after being in a coma for five years caused by a car crash, and his life is in shambles. His girlfriend has moved on and married, he has no job, and the media finds out about his ability and hounds him. And as his visions get stronger he seems to be getting weaker. He moves to a small town to start over but his past catches up with him and his abilities force him to make a tough decision regarding a half crazed politician who may just wind up being president. This is a pretty good film, and although the payoff at end the was a little lame, I was drawn into it and it kept my interest, especially Christopher Walken’s character who is walking on the edge of sanity trying to deal with his lost 5 years and his new ‘gift’. B+
Deadtime Stories (1986)- El Cheapo 80's "Horror" pap. Having said that let's examine: Terrible acting, rotten lighting, bad sound, silly dialogue, forced excuse to rip off a trilogy of horror stories. Story one has a couple witches using an innocent slave boy to rope in victims for their magic. He decides he's had enough when the foul witches look to off a little hottie from the village to resurrect their sister. Story two has a guy looking to buy some strong sleeping pills as there's a full moon tonight. Hhhmmmm, werewolf? Alas, a young girl who was just almost busted masturbating is sent to get her grandma's prescription and uh oh, the sacks are crossed. She loses her virginity in a tool shed and then finds her grandma attacked and almost dead. The third story involves some escapees from a mental ward hooking up with a Carrie like killer and some mayhem ensues. TERRIBLE slapstick attempts at camp also ensue. These trilogies are usually set up to have the middlin' story first, the worst story second, and the best story last. This one didn't follow convention. Keeping terrible 80s cheapo not even exploitative material in mind I give story one a C-, story two a C+ and story three an F. That's an average of D.
Death of a Ghost Hunter (2007)- Low low budget flick about the death of a ghost hunter. A parapsychologist is hired by a young guy who has inherited his uncle’s house. His uncle was a preacher who had his own church and unorthodox ways of dealing with wayward youth. One night he and his entire family were murdered and the house has been haunted ever since. The nephew doesn’t really believe in such things but he has seen things in the house that bother him. The parapsychologist, a videographer, a writer, and a member of the original owner’s church all stay several nights and confront the ghosts that fill the house. You know how it ends because of the title of the movie. Despite the low budget, terrible editing (the movie jumps from point of view filming to conventional at the drop of a hat), rotten sound, silly dialogue, and bad acting this one worked for me. There were some genuinely creepy moments and when it was on it was on. It also WAY over did some effects (seriously enough backwards talking, why would ghosts talk backwards?) Even though I knew the end would be death for all, I was pulled in wanting to see how and why. The coda ending could’ve been left off though. (Weird how I kind of hated all the aspects of this one but liked the movie, compare to my review of "The Orphanage" where I liked all the aspects but didn’t like the movie, I have no idea why, just how I feel sometimes.) I’ll give this a solid B+, keeping in mind the weaknesses mentioned above.
Deathdream (1974)- Retelling of ‘The Monkey’s Paw’ story. A kid is killed in ‘The War’ (we’re never really told what war other than it is not WWII or Korea so it is a pretty safe assumption that it is Vietnam). His family is devastated when the telegram arrives, especially the mother who just refuses to accept the truth. Then suddenly late one night the kid (Andy) shows up at home (other than him hitchhiking we are never really cued in as to how he got home) and everyone is relieved and amazed at the mistake the army made. But all is not well as Andy spends his days sitting and staring into space, or rocking in his rocking chair staring at the walls. He doesn’t want a party, he doesn’t want people to know he is home, and is showing violent reactions when he doesn’t get his way. And then there is the truck driver who was killed by a hitchhiker in an army uniform the night Andy arrived. Everyone starts to notice these things except his mother who lives in denial, content that her son is home from the war. This is a product of the low budget 70s and it shows. Bad lighting, poor cinematography, etc. but it still holds up well, with some good acting and engrossing story. At the simple horror movie level it also works, a tad slow at times but there are some classic sequences (the drive-in scene among the best), but on a deeper level as a metaphor for the effect loosing a son (or daughter) in a war has on a family is pretty heavy, and maybe even heavier is the idea that some of those who do return home alive are not the same, with post traumatic stress disorder, etc. clouding them the rest of their lives. So yeah, it is OK as a horror movie, but as a study of the effects of war disguised as a horror movie it works really well, despite the few weaknesses mentioned above. A-.
Deep Red (1975): Dario Argento's Giallo piece obviously influenced by Mario Bava and obviously influential towards Carpenter's "Halloween"; It sits squarely between those two worlds, murder mystery and slasher flick. The directing is very interesting as Argento's use of color, camera angle, and point of view is always good (and must have been a big influence on John Carpenter), but his jarring editing and often intentional slow pace and over written scenes detract from the suspense rather than add to it. The plot is flimsy at best and hard to follow at times and centers around a pianist who witnesses the murder of a psychic who, through her ESP, knew about a murderer's past and that he/she would kill again. Anyone who gets close to the truth winds up dead. The investigations take bizarre and pointless turns yet somehow I hung in there until the end. This was an influential flick that held my interest but could've been better. B-.
Dementia 13 (1963)- Some people say this is an early masterpiece from Francis Ford Coppola and some say it points to the genius to come. I don't know. I think it's basically just a rip off of "Psycho" with some extra nutty family members thrown in and a dead daughter instead of mother. A woman is angry at her husband for not forcing his mother to set up a will so she kills him. She then hangs around the crazy family trying to figure their secret and probably wondering why they are Irish and living in Ireland but have no Irish accents, except for the grounds keeper who has a very fake Irish accent, but this never comes up. It's a little slow moving and you wonder why everyone is so weird but there are some very effective moments. Not great but not terrible. C+
Descent, The (2006)- This movie is a lot like "The Cave" except it doesn't suck. We start off meeting some adventuresome female friends who like hitting river rapids and such. On the way home from one of their adventures tragedy strikes and one of them loses her husband and young daughter (just before her birthday). Jump ahead a year and add a couple more adventuresome types and it's therapy time for the one who lost her family. The therapy? Get back to some adventure by cave exploring in the Appalachians. She's not 100% sure it's a good idea but her friends think it is, and at first it seems it might just be, but then things go seriously awry. After a tunnel collapse we find out the girls are lost, and quite possibly trapped. But that's nothing compared to what's waiting for them in the cave system. Ravenous carnivorous humanoids perfectly adapted to living in the blackness of the caves. They remind me of something from a Tool video. What follows is a pretty intense game of cat and mouse in that 'trapped and hunted' horror sub genre tradition. There are some stereotypical characters and not a lot of character development, which makes it hard to care much for some of the them, and overall the plot is somewhat predictable, but still, I was pulled in and really enjoyed this flick. B+.
Devil Bat, The (1940)- Cheap and silly would describe a lot of Bela Lugosi's movies, including this one. Lugosi is a (sigh) mad scientist who works for a cosmetics firm. He sold the rights to his great formula years ago for $10,000 while the company's owners made millions. He's bitter about that so he creates a giant bat and then some after-shave lotion that attracts the giant bat and makes it attack. Then he hands out samples of the lotion to the family members of the company owners. Yeah, it's as bad as it sounds plot-wise but if you dig goofy mad scientist movies with smart-aleck reporters solving the case, and I do, then this is for you. If you hate this 40s trash then you'll really hate this one. C+.
Devil Came From Akasava, The (1971)- OK, this isn't horror, it's James Bond spy action adventure with kind of a sci-fi twist, but it was billed as horror and played on Halloween night on the Sundance Channel so if they can do it so can I. Anyway, a scientist discovers a rock that can transform other rocks into gold (were all the rocks around this rock in the mine gold? I don't think they were so it must not have worked). Anyway the downer is it kills people who see it. The scientist is then killed... or is he... spies, cops, and agents, etc. all swarm around the place. Who's on whose side? Who cares? Since this also is a Franco film the main spy doubles as a prostitute and her cover in going to Akasava is she's an exotic dancer. Her act consists of sitting in a chair and taking her clothes off. Everyone is amazed at how talented she is, if they only knew she was a spy too! How exotic! Typical Franco 70s funk acid rock Hammond B3 organ soundtrack which fires up at the standard inappropriate times. If Muzak covered James Brown you'd have a Franco Soundtrack. Priceless! Still, this movie gets a D-.
Devil Doll, The (1936)- A scientist who has been locked up in the famous Devil’s Island prison escapes with the help of a banker who has also been doing time. The scientist wants to return to his work, which has been carried on by his wife. He has the idea that if he can shrink every animal on earth to 1/6 its regular size there will be no more world hunger, the problem is when he shrinks anything down it becomes a mere automaton with no will of its own, controlled only by the thoughts of others. The scientist drops dead and the banker realizes he can use these ‘devil dolls’ as a means to get revenge on his banking partners who set him up. Despite the ‘goofiness’ of the story this old school horror/sci-fi flick is actually pretty good. There is quite a bit of character development and we do become involved with the characters and wonder what will happen to the banker and his family, who have been destitute since his imprisonment. And for 1936 the effects are really good. If you like ‘em old school then this is a classic for you. A.
Devil’s Offspring (1999)- This is a weird Honk Kong film about strange occurrences at a boarding school. It is the summer and only the kids who have no parents, or whose parents don’t want them, are still at the school, waiting for the regular fall session to start. The weirdness begins when the cook’s granddaughter is killed and stuffed in a refrigerator (even though we are told later no body was found). The cook looses her mind and serves the kid’s her granddaughter’s dog in the soup and then the kids start to commit suicide. All of these events seem to coincide with the arrival of the new student who has been adopted by the school’s priest. This was obviously made on a shoe-string budget and some of the sub-titles are hilariously bad. Although for the most part this one misses the mark, it does manage to conjure up some atmosphere and kept me mostly interested. At 82 minutes it is just about right as any longer and I would’ve fallen asleep! The twist at the end really doesn’t make any sense, but then again, none of the movie really makes too much sense anyway. I’ll give it a D since I didn’t hate it and it lived up to my expectations, which were basically zero anyway.
Devil’s Rain, The (1975)- Holy Crap! As if a cast of Eddie Albert, John Travolta, and Tom Skerrit weren’t enough add Ernest Borgnine and William Shatner dueling it out for human souls and we have a masterpiece! I was pretty young through the 70s but what a great time that must have been. Everyone was afraid aliens were taking over, big foot was real, and of course, everyone was joining a Satanic Cult! Yup, and Shatner has inherited a book that Borgnine wants so he can get folks’ souls, can Shatner withstand the Devil’s power and keep the book? And what price will ultimately have to be paid? Typical 70s Satan vehicle, everything you’d expect from this genre in this era, I’ll give it a B+ on the craptacular scale.
Dial ‘M’ For Murder (1954)- Classic Hitchcock. Originally filmed in 3D using a prohibitively expensive and complicated process, this film is virtually never seen in that way. A former professional tennis player has become accustomed to the good life, which is now provided by his wife’s money since he no longer plays. He discovers his wife was stepping out on him and worries that he may no longer be able to live that life style, so the best thing to do would be to devise the perfect murder so he can get all of her money. The movie picks right up the night before the murder is to take place, even though we find he has been planning it for quite sometime. In typical Hitchcock fashion, we know the entire plot. There is no real mystery here; the suspense comes from not knowing whether the plan will work, seeing the plan unfold, and then sympathizing with the villain. Genius! Of course the plan goes awry, but the husband improvises a new one that just might get him that money after all. This film brilliantly uses plot devices and character’s skills (the boyfriend is a murder mystery writer) to weave us through the story. I have to give this one an A+.
Diary of a Madman (1963)- Vincent Price plays a judge who visits a man condemned to death in prison. The man claims to be possessed by an evil spirit, a "Horla", he tries to kill Price but dies in the attempt and the Horla, needing a new host, enters Price (a plot that would be reworked for 1998's "The Fallen"). Price's interest in art is renewed and he hires a model to pose for him, but really it is the evil Horla who wants the model around. This flick is more than a little cheesy and the effects are bad even by 1963 standards, but Price gives his usual 110%, which brings the other actors up a notch and saves the film from being totally forgettable. A classic if you like these 60s flicks. B.
Diary of the Dead (2008)- Romero is back with another zombie movie entry, this time taking a cue from "The Blair With Project" and "Cloverfield" by making a point-of-view film about zombies. It is sort of a retelling of "Night of the Living Dead" set today. A group of college film students/actors are making a horror film for their senior project when suddenly and for seemingly no reason the dead begin to rise up to consume the living. The student director becomes obsessed with turning his fake mummy movie into a real documentary on what is happening. So the group gets together in a Winnebago to head home. I guess they all live in the same direction and/or don’t own their own cars. Bottom line, Romero is the master, but even the master can have a bad game. Maybe Romero’s directing doesn’t lend itself to the point-of-view style, maybe the dialogue was just too clunky, maybe the acting was just too bad, maybe the plot holes were just too deep, maybe some sequences were just too unbelievable, maybe the message this time was just too heavy handed, maybe the camp parts seemed out of place, maybe it was a combination of all of the above, but I have to admit, as much as I don’t want to, I was very disappointed in this flick. It just felt like I was walking through a haunted house with a zombie theme. Here’s the outside scene, here’s the dorm scene, here’s the hospital scene, here’s the house scene, here’s the warehouse scene, here’s the panic room scene. This could’ve been so good, the idea was there, some of the parts were great (the opening with the police at the apartment complex, the team clearing out the apartment building with the old people, some parts of the hospital scene), but some were just bad (Deb’s house, the cameraman not doing anything when a zombie walks right in front of him to bite someone at the hospital, the mummy/zombie camp part). Also, from a realism point regarding the point-of-view- style, love it or hate it, the camera work and editing is supposed to feel bad and amateurish, here it was just too slick with the security camera angles edited in, the double cameras, and the soundtrack playing almost throughout. It just totally lost that ‘shot on the run vibe’. I know I know these were film students and had editing gear, they show that, still... And George, I dig my horror with a message, always respected you for your abilities in that respect, but crap man, I don’t need it hitting me like a baseball bat. Information overload indeed. I can’t believe this but I’m forced to give the Master a C-.
District 9 (2009)- This is a Sci-Fi kind of horror flick in the vein of "Alien Nation" and "V" (surely you all remember V?) but at the end of the day, really unlike anything. A giant spaceship has parked itself over Johannesburg, South Africa. Folks are naturally a little uncomfortable with it and eventually they board it and find a million or so aliens living in squalid conditions. They set up a camp (slum) for them to live in and move them there. A whole society sprouts up around the area catering to the aliens, and to people who want to exploit the aliens. Things begin to go awry when the government decides it might be time to move the aliens to a new camp (concentration camp). And we soon find out that everything the aliens have is based on biotechnology and their DNA, making their weapons luckily inoperable in our hands but also making things like fuel for their spaceship very dangerous for humans to handle. There is plenty of social commentary to go around, racism, exploitation of the poor and working class, addictions, desire, greed, inhumane (ironic) treatment of others, but none of it is heavy handed and is more just matter-of-factly part of the plot, which makes it work very well on many levels (like Romero’s "Dawn of the Dead"). The movie itself starts and ends as a documentary, and even though much of the middle isn’t that way, it maintains that gritty feel throughout. Sprinkled with bits of humor, everything from the look, acting, and story just work really well. The end becomes pretty balls out action movie but even then it never looses itself in that, it’s a balancing act that is successful. If you are a SciFi horror fan of the original "Alien" type of film then this is for you. A+
Devil’s Partner (1962)- An odd name for an odd movie. We begin with an old man killing a goat and signing a goat’s skin in goat’s blood, a hand reaches in and also signs the parchment and the old man collapses. Cut to a hip guy who doesn’t sweat no matter what the temperature who has come to town to claim his now deceased uncle’s property, his uncle being the old guy at the beginning. So, we know that the old guy sold his soul to the devil and the young may actually be the old guy, either way the young guy can make animals attack people and also make people die from drinking goat’s milk. So is the young guy the devil, or the devil’s partner, or the old guy transmigrated? Yes. And will the sheriff figure it out before the devil mates up with the local doctor’s daughter? You’ll have to find that one out on your own. Anyway, this is an odd little flick, a little slow moving at times with the feel of a long Twilight Zone episode. I read a review of it where someone said if David Lynch had directed it people would be drooling over it, not sure I’d go that far but it is a fair point. This is one of those low budget almost artsy horror flicks that were being made at that time like "Carnival of Souls" (although this isn't that weird) that are kind of hard to grade. I’m going to give it a B because I liked it and it just had an odd atmosphere about it that seemed to work for me.
Die! Die! My Darling! (1965)- Hammer saw the success of "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane" and took the theme of old actresses playing intriguing and bat shit insane parts for this suspense thriller. This flick, obviously inspired by Hitchcock also, is the story of an American, played by Stephanie Powers, who is going to England to marry her fiancée, but first she feels obliged to meet her former fiancée’s mother who lives in what looks like it was at one time a nice house but has fallen into disrepair in the English countryside (her first fiancée has died in what we are told was a terrible manner). After arriving at the old gal’s house, and meeting her help, we learn the old gal is a tad on the religious side, putting it mildly, and a light hearted comedy about the old fashioned and the modern seems to be underway. It isn’t long until things begin to turn sinister though, as we realize that the old gal, along with her help, plan on making sure Powers stays pure for when she is reunited with Steven in the afterlife. This is a very suspenseful movie that works really well and gives great performances by all involved, but especially Tallulah Bankhead in her final role, spouting off religious quotes and talking about how corrupt the rest of the world is (a lesson in hypocritical religiosity very relevant in today’s world). Bette Davis still keeps the reward for insane old lady parts in "... Baby Jane" but Tallulah comes in second in a photo finish. A
Die, Monster, Die (1965)- Based on Lovecraft's "The Colour Out of Space", this little American International flick moves along at a nice pace. A guy heads to not so jolly old England to visit his college sweetie and soon finds no one will help him find his way to the house. Cursed it must be. He eventually makes it to the house, after walking through some barren landscapes that is. Turns out the girl's family has a dim past of demonology and insanity. The girl's father, played by Karloff, will have none of that and looks for scientific reasons for what has happened there in the past, with typical devastating results. A great line that sums it all up "It's like a zoo from Hell... A menagerie of horrors." This is great fluff that sits somewhere between horror and sci-fi. The actors are just going through the motions (except Karloff who always took his roles seriously), most of the sets look good. If you like 60s goof then you'll like this, if not stay away. C-.
Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005)- Argento goes full on Hitchcock tribute mode in the made for Italian TV movie. It does have that ‘made for TV’ feel, the death scenes aren’t nearly as gory as typical Argento (or as long), although European TV is much more liberal than American. This is a flick about a film student who likes watching his neighbors (a la "Rear Window"), particularly one who prances around in her underwear. This gal is always arguing with her mother and when her mother winds up dead he figures the daughter had someone kill her (a la "Strangers on a Train"), a few plot twists later (a la "Dial M for Murder") and we find out the student was wrong... or was he? The Hitch references are literally held out there by name and that is the whole point, however, this movie never measures up to anything Hitch did! It’s OK as a made for TV tribute, but if you are expecting great Italian Giallo, or Argento atmosphere you will be disappointed. Some of the ‘suspense’ scenes just drag on forever and while Hitch may have never wasted a shot; there are plenty of wasted shots in this one. Not horrible, but nothing special either. I’ll give it a C+.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (1973)- A young couple inherits an old house, moves in, and promptly starts remodeling. The old caretaker knows it’s now a good idea and warns them about removing the bolts from the door that leads downstairs and about not opening up the currently bricked up fireplace, but silly advice from creepy old guys is meant to be ignored. Then the whispers begin and the little demon things show up and, well, you can guess the rest. Like many people my age, I saw this on TV back in the day and it scared the living crap out of me. I mean I couldn’t go anywhere without a light on. Now I find that fascinating, that a movie could do that to someone, even a little kid. It would be interesting if we could hold onto that imagination as adults, or maybe not. Anyway, I recently saw this again and, although it really isn’t scary now, it does hold up fairly well. It’s hard to give this a fair grade since I remember it so well from back in the day so I’ll give it a B.
Don’t Look In The Basement (1973)- Dr. Stephens runs his own sanitarium. It’s an odd place where patients are allowed to roam free, treated, and expected to treat each other, as family. To this end the sanitarium is actually just a really large house. Dr. Stephens’ methods backfire and he’s axed by one of his patients. Soon after a nurse he hired prior to his run in with the ax shows up and allowed by Dr. Stephens’ assistant to take her position. The new nurse soon realizes all is not what it seems, but did she realize it too late? The acting in this low budget indie isn’t too great and the cast of loonies aren’t overly believable, but the cinematography is good for such low budget material and the story is interestingly presented. Although a pretty nice atmosphere of trapped paranoia develops it is never really explored so it falls a little short in that department too. Still, I was pleasantly surprised. B-.
Don't Look Now (1973)- Art house flick with Donald Sutherland as a restorer of old churches. During a moment of deja-vu he realizes his daughter is drowning but arrives too late to save her. He and his wife go to Italy to restore an old church. A blind psychic lady reassures Don's wife that their daughter is OK. He doesn't like blind psychic ladies. Weird stuff happens and people act real weird and then the end rolls around and I thought "What the ... ?" This is one of those movies that are filled with symbolism and stuff for people to coo over and for the director to prove how smart he is. Sometimes I like those movies, this time? Well... It did have great atmosphere and suspense and kept me interested, even though a fair amount of the time I was confused and there didn't seem to be a plot. I guess it boils down to this, I liked the movie until the very end and then I felt pretty let down. B-.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)- John Barrymore plays the title role with some silent movie over acting. Still, keeping in mind the age and style of the times, the transformation and look of Hyde or pretty effective. Over all the plot is standard: Jeckyll is a near perfect doctor, helping the poor, being nice all the time, but what of man's darker side? Everyone has a darker side, even the seemingly perfect Jeckyll. What if he could separate the two sides and eliminate the bad one. Of course he tries but then realizes the dark side knows how to have fun! But that fun leads to trouble, especially when it can no longer be controlled. This is an old one and looks and feels that way. It gets a little tedious (I'm not a big silent film fan anyway) but, all things considered it is still pretty good as far as plot and look goes. B.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)- That's Jeekal to you. Old school interpretation of the classic Stevenson story. Maybe a little over acted but it's still very effective. Jeckyll is played with gusto and Ivy is definitely a little slut. The obvious sexual frustration issues are dealt with right up front in this pre-code movie. Jeckyll wants to separate man's good and evil sides and then eliminate the evil side. His experiment works, sort of. There's no question of the evil almost ape-like Mr. Hyde and his masochistic desires. This is still the definitive version of the telling despite a pretty rotten make-up job. A.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1941)- Spencer Tracy and Ingrid Bergman? Gotta be good right? Well... Where the older version may have been over acted, this seems too subdued. Yeah, Tracy's Hyde has no make-up at all and is kind of a quiet evil, which is a nice interpretation, but this movie just doesn't work. Tracy's Hyde is restrained, Ivy is restrained, the sexual angle is restrained, and the story is restrained. I think they tried too hard to make everyone sympathetic except Hyde and it backfires. Compare the two to see how the 'codes' tamed horror back in the day. C.
Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)- Dr. Phibes put himself in suspended animation at the end of the first film and now is back, looking for the River of Life in Egypt to resurrect his beloved Victoria, who, if you can recall, died on the operating table after an accident and the doctors who couldn't save her were killed off in the first Phibes film. When Phibes wakes up he realizes his house has been demolished and his map to the River of Life is gone. The guy who has the map has his own reason for wanting to find the River of Life so Phibes kills off anyone in his way in some interesting ways. This movie revives the very 'oddness' of the first and also the black comedy, which still holds up. It is an interesting plot but over all a weaker effort than the first. I liked the ending though, not what I expected. B.
Dr. X (1932)- Warner Brothers was behind the curve on the Horror Explosion of the early 30s. Universal had had great success with Dracula and Frankenstein and MGM had made Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. Warner wanted something different. They wanted a tale set in modern times. Not a period piece, and they wanted it in color. Those sound like great ideas, until you remember it was 1932. So what do we get? We get terrible dated camp humor, wise cracking reporters, mad scientists, and crappy "two strip" color that looks like one of those shitty colorizing jobs they did on black and white movies in the 80s. The murder mystery angle works as "Moon Killer" is offing people whenever there's a full moon. The gumshoes know it must be a doctor from the local research facility because of the tools used and the accuracy of the cuts (it looks like the victims are being cannibalized). All of the research scientists are involved in the study of something that could be related to the kills (moon light, cannibalism, etc). So who could it be? We are subjected, along with the cast, to a series of scientific tests to determine who the killer is. Everything would work in this movie if it didn't come across as so painfully dated. What is it with damned wise cracking reporters in these old movies anyway? (Before we watched this Jenny asked why there hadn't been a million remakes of this as there had been the other early horror successes. Her question was answered while viewing.) C-.
Dracula (1931)- Back in the day I really hated this flick. Old school acting style, very staged feeling. After another recent viewing I have to say maybe I was too quick to judge. Yeah it does suffer from some lack of creativity as far as direction goes and was based too much on the stage play which bogs it down in the middle some, but over-all it is an effective horror movie and telling of the story (Dracula wants to move to England, buys some property from Renfeld, Renfeld sees too much, Dracula moves to England, falls for Lucy, Dr. Van Helsing pursues). The opening sequences are superbly done and it's not until we're in England at Lucy's house do things start slowing down. It's a shame that the creative directing style of the intro for some reason didn't carry over to the body of the movie and we end up with just a filmed stage play. Lugosi is great at the part. People rip on him for being too hammy and staged but when you think of Dracula who comes to mind? That's right, Christopher Lee who copied Lugosi. And Dwight Frye, the ultimate horror sidekick, perfects Renfeld also. B+.
Dracula (Spanish Version) (1931)- I’d heard a lot of things about how much better the Spanish production of "Dracula" was supposed to be. It was filmed at the same time, on the same sets and same schedule (but at night) as the English version, using different actors and a different director. Much of the atmosphere remains in the first act, as does the ‘staginess’ of the second act. Johnathon, Mina, and Lucy’s parts are actually a little better, but I was disappointed in both Van Helsing, and Dracula, which are, needless to say, some important parts! Dracula, played by , was probably more campy and ‘staged’ than Lugosi, which is the main complaint against his performance. And Van Helsing’s cool demeanor and Dutch accent (which goes without saying) are not present in this one. I liked the English version a little better, but this is a good interpretation and actually tells the story a little more coherently. B-.
Dracula (1979): This film sits between Lugosi's 1932 Dracula and Oldman's 1992 Dracula both chronologically and thematically. It is a very good, albeit at times dated, variation on the theme. It follows the book closely and the acting, sets, and atmosphere work pretty well. There are some 70s effects and 70s looks here and there but over all a pretty faithful adaptation of the story. The acting from Laurence Olivier, Donald Pleasance, and others is good and believable, Dracula's acting is good also but he had kind of a 'disco era' feel to him, which didn't help, overall a strong B.
Dracula's Daughter (1936)- This movie picks up right where "Dracula" left off, with Dracula being killed. We then learn Dracula had a daughter and she's hoping that with the death of her father she may be free from the curse of being a vampire. She ceremonially burns Dracula's body and looks forward to being free while a love triangle (or maybe love square) develops. Plot-wise it is an interesting approach but I have to admit I hated this one. Dracula's Daughter's assistant is nice and creepy but the rest of the movie pretty much plods along in an uninteresting, slow way. D-.
Dracula Has Risen From The Grave (1968)- The villagers still won't go to church and why? Because Dracula's Castle's shadow falls on their church in the evening. But Dracula has been killed everyone knows that. Well the monsignor will have no more of this. He forces the local village priest to go with him up to the castle to bless it and place a large cross on the door. Man does that plan backfire. As the title suggests, Dracula rises from the grave and is pretty pissed to find that big cross on his front door. The monsignor must pay for that one. And what better way to do it than take his eye candy niece? Pretty effective Dracula story and Christopher Lee hits his stride as Dracula. B.
Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)- Lon Chaney Jr’s final film, I was never a big Lon Chaney Jr. fan but still, I hate to see someone go out like this! This is a total train wreck... But to be fair it is a good train wreck. Make that a GREAT train wreck! This is one of the best worst films I’ve seen in a long time. Dracula needs a serum to make him stronger, he hunts down Dr. Frankenstein, who is hiding out and conducting his experiments under the cover of a carnival sideshow manager. His runs a pretty crummy, and tiny show, which gives him time to pump serums he derives from frightened girls who have been decapitated and reanimated into his assistant Bruno. Dracula, who in keeping with the times has grown his hair out into a nice jewfro and sports a goatee, needs some of that, but the sister of one of the doctor’s victims aims to find out what is going on. I don’t know even where to begin, the unhip hippies, the crazed bikers, Dracula’s very odd reverberating voice, his lightning shooting death ring, the soundtrack, the drug induced scenes, the parts that were obviously just spliced in here and there. If you love them bad then this is a must see! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Drag Me To Hell (2009)- A lot of people were mad that this seemed to have as much comedy in it as it did horror. I guess they were fooled by the trailers showing only parts that would lead one to believe this was pure horror. Those are folks who are not familiar with Raimi’s Evil Dead Trilogy. This is pure Raimi, one minute you’re laughing, the next you are ‘grossed-out’ and the next you are jumping from surprise, and he makes it all work. Here we have a young gal dating a rich guy who is now a very young professor at a college. She is a bank loan officer and really wants to get promoted to VP at the bank branch to impress her boyfriend’s parents. She is ambitious and turns down a credit extension to an old gypsy lady to prove she has backbone. Big mistake, the gypsy attacks her, and then curses her, and all Hell breaks loose... literally. She visits a medium who eventually explains to her that a demon will torment her for three days and then take her straight to Hell. Of course her professor boyfriend has a little trouble buying it all. I wouldn’t go so far as to say this is a classic like "Evil Dead" but it definitely follows that vein. If you like the camp humor mixed with horror then this is for you. A.
Dream Catcher- (1999) Stephen King... When will I learn? Trailers always look cool; the movies always start cool, then... It's always about kids who did something when they were young, grew up, still have memories of shit when they were kids, etcetcetc on and on ad infinitum... This movie started pretty cool then became one of the dumbest shows I've ever seen. Then the ending finally rolls around and dumb, rotten, stupid, ridiculous and other such adjectives don't do the ignorance justice. Don't even rent this for the ol'MST3K treatment. F
Driller Killer (1979)- This is the story of a struggling artist in New York City in the late 70s. He is obviously talented and is looking for that big break and thinks he has found it with his latest masterpiece, but he’s struggling for inspiration to finish it. He knows he and his two live in girlfriends are living on the edge as they’ve missed the rent payment and can’t afford the phone bill and electric bill. He becomes obsessed with the homeless fighting, sleeping, drinking, puking, and pissing in the streets around his apartment building in the asscrack of late 70s New York; obviously afraid that may end up being his fate. His paranoia slips into schizophrenia as a local punk rock band moves into the same building and take to practicing night and day. To find inspiration, relieve stress, and fight back against what his future holds he buys a portable power pack and takes to killing the homeless with his drill. He seems surprised when his actions start making the papers. After having his latest masterpiece rejected by his agent his girlfriend leaves him and the violence becomes personal and our artist slips beyond the point of no return. This movie sits in the never land between art house and grind house. It is very low budget and the acting and dialogue are pretty bad at times, but there is something in the cinematography that works and captures that bleak urban often hopelessly trapped environment. I think this could’ve been a great film if it had been edited a little more judiciously, the camera at times lingers too long in scenes and some parts just seem to go on forever with no real connection to the rest of the film. Basically, when it works, like the suspenseful sections and the scenes of the artist’s sanity slipping away it works, but some sections, like backstage at the club with the band, do nothing but take away from the pacing and feel of the film. It also offers us a real glimpse of the dying embers of the New York punk scene, not the forced punk silliness of "Fear No Evil" or the punk camp of "Return of the Living Dead". Although not nearly as violent as its reputation would have you believe, this still ain’t for everybody. C+.
Duel (1971)- Another Matheson work. The movie description on satellite was something like "A truck driver tries to run a traveling salesman off the road." Which does pretty much sums up the movie but it is a little more exciting than that description would lead you to believe. This was released as a made for TV movie directed by Steven Spielberg (before he made a name for himself with "Jaws"). This is a tight little thriller that pulls you right in from the beginning and holds you there until the very end, despite most of the movie just being Dennis Weaver trying to out run a huge tanker truck in his little Plymouth. I remember digging this movie a lot when I was a kid and it holds up well. I can't find a specific reason to give this an A+ but I can't really find a reason not to so it may not really deserve it but I am going to give this one an A+ simply because I like it a lot.
Dunwich Horror, The (1970)- This is an interesting adaptation of the Lovecraft story of the same name, it’s just that Lovecraft stuff doesn’t always translate well to film. Sometimes it is just better to imagine things than to try and actually ‘see’ what they look like. Dean Stockwell plays a very low key role as a member of one of the ‘cursed’ families Lovecraft liked writing about. Stockwell’s family was once into black magic and his grandfather was hung for it, however it seems his experiments succeeded and Stockwell is the result of those experiments, but he’s only half the result, his twin brother is stuck between our world and the world of the Elder Gods, who are trying to return to earth (as in Lovecraft’s cosmology). Stockwell will need the help of an innocent young maiden to complete the deal, bad special effects and late 60s art cinematography ensue. Over all this isn’t a bad flick, but it isn’t great, I couldn’t really tell if they were being serious or hamming it up here and there, I think it was a little of both. This doesn’t quite measure up to the American International Poe movies but if you like the Lovecraft mythos and don’t mind a little cheese smeared on top of it you’ll probably like it. I’ll give it a C.
Earth vs. The Flying Saucers (1956)- Ray Harryhausen’s effects are the star in this one. Sure it’s old school stop motion animation but taking everything in context the look of this one is great. The plot? The US is launching satellites into orbit and each one is failing and crashing and all evidence points to them being shot down. The flying saucers show up, destroy the launch facility (after being attacked by ‘shoot first ask questions later’ soldiers), and kidnap the general. After contacting the lead scientist (who is married to the general’s daughter), and telling him they basically mean to take over the earth, all efforts are made to develop a weapon that will interfere with the magnetic drive on the saucers. The aliens realize what is up and make an all out attack on Washington DC with some of the most famous special effects sequences ever filmed. Sure this one is a dated 50s sci-fi flick with typical ‘The Commies' are coming background, but it still has everything for the lover of such flilms. If you dig this stuff this is a must see, if you don’t you’ll be rolling your eyes throughout. I happen to dig it. A.
Eaten Alive (1977)- Tobe Hooper’s follow up to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" has us visit another piece of 70s dying Americana in a hotel with a ‘zoo’ sideshow. The hotel is set back in the swamps of the south and run by a muttering insane war vet who keeps a crocodile (not a little ol’ gator) in his swamp. All Hell breaks loose when he realizes one of his guests is a whore from the local brothel, and he’s having none of that in his hotel. He feeds her to the croc and then, in a black comedy of errors, continues his rampage. Filled with oddball characters and skirting that boundary between reality and nightmare, this flick is just plain odd. It follows the formula of "Texas...", with a little more oddity tossed in, for instance the characters are at times even more over the top, like Buck the local redneck, the old bat that runs the whorehouse, the oddball parents whose daughter’s dog is eaten by the croc, and of course Judd, the great character who runs the hotel, and the red tint used throughout much of the movie, but the film lacks that visceral bunch in the gut that "Texas..." provided. If you like 70s drive in insanity then you’ll want to see this, but for me, other than the character Judd, it just didn’t offer up much but lots of screaming. I’ll give it a C+ because Judd was awesome.
Eraserhead (1977)- Um... A guy gets a girl pregnant and goes to meet her parents who serve him these Cornish game hen type of things that wiggle their legs and eject blood from their asses. The girl then has a mutant baby and the two live in a terrible apartment where a lady lives in the radiator and sings and the baby cries all night. The guy has his head turned into pencil erasers and a guy pulls levers that control things, or maybe not. I first saw this film when I was about 13 and it left an indelible impression on me that I can't quite shake to this day. It is a masterpiece but one only to be viewed by people who appreciate edgy avante garde bizarreness. I loved it and knew if I ever made a movie it would be much like this, with no connection to reality and no cohesive plotline. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want every movie to be like this one, but when they are done this way and they work I really dig them. I read one time that if a movie could cause actual psychological damage "Eraserhead" would be the one to do it. Yeah, that's about right. It is a dark and ugly world these people live in and after watching the film I felt 'dirty'. David Lynch wrote and directed this and filmed it in black and white. Perfect in almost every way and Lynch would go on to direct critically acclaimed films such as "The Elephant Man" and big budget fair like "Dune" as well as other art house stuff. A+
Escape From The Planet of the Apes (1971)- The Planet of the Apes series redeems itself with this 3rd entry. Cornelius, Zira, and Dr. Milo (a filler character used to explain how the apes learned to fly the space ship) take Taylor’s ship back in time to 1973 just as the world ends (the doomsday bomb in "Beneath the Planet of the Apes") in their time. The apes become celebrities until a scientist begins putting 2 and 2 together and figures their offspring (Zira’s pregnant) could lead to man’s downfall, which is obviously part of the future if things aren’t done to stop it. It is interesting to me that it is actually a doctor that is the ‘villain’ and wanting to abort the baby chimp and sterilize the remaining advanced apes and not a military general or politician, who are the usual close minded culprits (the president actually argues that if it is man’s destiny to fall then so be it). Much of the film is a feel good story about the apes as they live the good life, but the sinister streak running just below the surface is soon exposed and we are subjected to tragedy of Shakespearian proportions. A
Evil Dead (1981)- Is it camp or is it horror? Or is it a perfect mix of both? I vote for the latter. A group of college kids set out for a vacation in a secluded cabin in the mountains of Tennessee. They find a tape with incantations on it left by a previous visitor. They play the incantations and release the evil dead. Made on a shoestring budget and ignored by mainstream Hollywood, this movie quickly became an underground hit and for good reason. It is scary, full of jolts, gore, and possessed disgusting people, and still remains campy along the way. There's a great decapitation scene borrowed from "The Plague of Zombies" too. A+.
Evil of Frankenstein, The (1964)- Hammer did make Frankenstein out to be one evil cat except in The Evil of Frankenstein where he's suddenly a misunderstood scientist. Frankenstein is again run out of town so this time he returns to the original town he was run out of to start his experiments again in his own castle, which has been looted but good by the locals. Luckily he stumbles across his old monster (this movie has no continuity with the older Hammer Frankenstein movies). This movie has the usual good Hammer productions and Peter Cushing does his usual professional work as the Dr. but it ends up being a let down. The monster is a pale copy of Jack Pierce's Universal make up and never really produces any feelings of horror or sympathy. The Frankenstein mythos is just so much harder to work with than the Dracula/Vampire mythos. C-.
Exorcism of Emily Rose, The (2005)- Once in a great while a movie comes along that is so nearly perfect that no more movies on the subject need to be made. "The Exorcist" should have pretty much closed the book on movies about exorcism. Let's face it; they are usually silly and unbelievable hokum that pale in comparison. There are exceptions though, and this is one of them. The story revolves around a priest and his lawyer. The priest is accused of neglectful homicide for allowing a young woman to die while she was under his care. The prosecutor is a man of faith; the defendant's lawyer is agnostic and all business. In a series of flashbacks we are given the story as the priest sees it, which is then torn up by the prosecution. Maybe more court room drama than horror, but it does pack some scares at the right moments. The movie never asks you to believe; it only suggests that possession is a "possibility." It's all interestingly and effectively done and the acting carries the movie over the top. A+.
Exorcist, The (1973)- A little girl is possessed by the devil, or maybe she's just really pissed that her dad abandoned her and her mom is always working. One priest believes the latter but another believes the former. They perform the exorcism. In my humble opinion this is the greatest horror movie ever made and I doubt it will ever be outdone. The acting and directing make it feel almost as though you're watching a documentary and the effects, especially the sound, are second to none. There simply are no weak spots in this movie (or in the book it was based on). A+.
Exorcist II, The: The Heretic (1977)- Basically in my opinion "The Exorcist" is the greatest horror movie ever made, bar none. To rise to heights like that and then follow with CRAP like this is amazing. I mean sequels usually pale in comparison to the originals but this is CRAZY!!! "The Exorcist" had people fainting and running from the theatre in fear. "The Exorcist II" had people laughing and running from the theatre while laughing their asses off. Regan's a little older now and has some bad memories, blahblahblah. This one is only good for the ol'MST3K treatment. F
Exorcist III, The: Legion (1990)- Could this franchise be saved after the debacle of "The Exorcist II: The Heretic"? Yes. This is a very moody piece, which creates a great atmosphere, and despite the far-fetched plot some great veteran actors take the material very seriously. George C. Scott plays the detective who worked the Dennings case back in "The Exorcist". Apparently he became friends with the priests after the events went down and now it looks like a serial killer who was executed the same night the exorcism took place may be back. And who is that man in isolation in the criminal section of the hospital? Why it's Chucky. This movie was mostly ripped on when it came out but I feel it holds up really well and effectively creates an atmosphere of fear and suspense. It contains some great, albeit over the top dialogue too. The ending, where the priest shows up for the exorcism was tacked on as the studio said if the film was called The Exorcist then there needs to be an exorcism. You can tell it was added as an after thought and weakens the over all effect of the movie but that, and a couple scenes like old people crawling on the ceiling, aren't enough to ruin a great effort. B+.
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)- This movie starts off with a big nod to the original by basically (trying) to replicate the original beginning. The original had an intense almost claustrophobic feel, this one feels like it was filmed on a stage somewhere, still the thought is nice. An ex-priest current archeologist is paid to find an artifact in a church that was buried in Africa hundreds of years before Christianity had found it's way to the area. When he gets there he realizes things aren't what they seem, even though he's no longer a true believer. The acting throughout is overly melodramatic even before anything 'strange' begins to happen. The twist at the end was good but too little too late. The plot is OK but poorly executed and the actual exorcism is not staged well at all. Why does everything have to be an action movie nowadays? It was the subtle, almost documentary feel that made "The Exorcist" work so well to begin with. Material like this just ends up being silly if it's not done in the right way and that's what happens here. D+.
Eye, The (2002)- Slowly paced Asian horror flick about a blind musician who receives a cornea transplant and can see again, problem is now she sees dead people... Yeah, it is almost as predictable as it sounds and too slow moving at times, yet in many ways it works. The acting is great, the main character is obviously terrified, yet not in a whiney annoying way , and it also works in the fact that she has been blind since the age of two and is unsure if she should be seeing what she is seeing or not. All interestingly thought out, often executed well, just not that great of a story over all.B.
Eyes Without A Face (1960)- I've seen this movie on many critics' top ten horror movie lists. It's the story about a doctor whose daughter's face was mangled in a car wreck that he feels was his fault. He's an expert in transplant surgery and goes about transplanting girls' faces onto his daughter's, trying to get one that will match. And through it all his daughter is inching towards insanity. This movie sits somewhere between art house and horror. There are lots of scenes of people walking up and down stairs and driving around in hilarious French cars that look like they are made of sheet metal. Much of the soundtrack seems very inappropriate too, like circus music or something. Still, this film is ahead of its time and if it wasn't black and white it could easily pass for something made 20 years later. A.
Fall of the House of Usher, The (1960)- Richard Matheson's script is pretty faithful to Poe's tale of a man held prisoner in his house and haunted by the past deeds of his nefarious family members. The house is crumbling around them and there are no heirs and he plans on keeping it that way as a suitor tries to woe away his sister, who he has also kept in his prison. Vincent Price plays Roderick Usher in a very subdued believable manner and we are never totally clued into whether or not Usher is insane or if in fact what he says is true. This is part of the power of the film along with the magnificent sets and great acting. While I liked the film quite a bit I don't feel that it is the masterpiece many reviewers set it up to be so I'll give it a strong B.
Family Plot (1976)- A Hitchcock dark comedy about a fake (or is she fake?) spiritualist who is tasked with finding the rightful heir to a huge fortune. He was born out of wedlock 40 years prior to a family that didn’t want to deal with a scandal so he was adopted out. Turns out he isn’t such a great guy now and makes a good living as both a jewel salesman and crook and isn’t above murder either. This is a very well made flick and full of good plot twists and turns but I’m not sure who the intended audience is. Not one of Hitch’s better flicks and the suspense is subdued by the comedy elements, probably really only good for Hitchcock completists. I’ll give it C+.
Fangs of the Living Dead (1968)- I was stoked when the wife scored this pre "Blind Dead" Ossorio flick for a buck. After seeing it I realized why it was a buck. It starts of with a woman finding out, just before her wedding, she has inherited a castle from the mother she never knew. She heads out to find out what gives and we’re off to a pretty unoriginal start. After arriving we get the typical scared villagers, cranky henchman helper, and large scary castle sitting above the village below. Turns out the women’s family are vampires created by her grandmother back in the day as she experimented with extending life, or something like that. Or maybe the whole thing is an elaborate plot to steal the gal’s inheritance. To be honest I have no idea. This is a slow mover and terrible acting, rotten dubbing, and piss poor comedy relief ruin any good atmosphere it creates. I’ll give it a D- because the locations were good.
Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)- Strictly speaking this isn't horror. Strictly speaking I'm not sure what it is. Some would lump Russ Meyer in with the Ed Wood types but that wouldn't be quite fair. Meyer's stuff is much edgier and better directed, maybe not much better written, but just done better. Here we have three go-go dancers out for some fun. Their 'leader' is an anti-social verging on psychopath. She winds up killing a guy after a car race and then takes his girlfriend along since she is a witness. They come across an old cripple who lives with his sons and may have some money stashed on his ranch. The girls would like to get their hands on that money but just maybe that crippled old guy has plans of his own for the women. Chronologically and thematically it sits right between that 60s loss of innocence with Kennedy's assassination in 1963 and the hippy Summer of Love in 1967. This is an edgy, funny, and at times annoying movie that is really hard to grade. I liked it as it was original but it is not quite a masterpiece, in the 60s kitsch sense of the word. B+
Fear No Evil (1981)- Wow. I’ll cut to the chase. This movie is total crap! Terrible! How can a movie like this be made and the director etc. not just know that it is going to suck? I guess by the time they realize that it’s too late and they have to produce a product. A priest kills the human incarnation of Lucifer; the priest is the human incarnation of an archangel (Gabriel, Raphael, or one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I can’t remember now). Of course the authorities don’t believe him and put him in jail. His sister continues to fight the good fight (she’s actually an angel too) but can’t do it alone; problem is she can’t find the third archangel. Lucifer is reborn and just after his eighteenth birthday starts getting his reign ready, well sort of, he ruins a local play which I guess marks the beginning of the end of the world. It’s a good thing too ‘cause the kids at school are picking on him. Guys making out with him in the shower, offering him free weed and such. The bullies at this school are weird. Lucifer acts odd and kills animals to drink their blood (why, if he is in fact an archangel also, just a rebellious one, would he need to do that). Anyway, he rises up some zombies who I guess are supposed to be demons like Beelzebub and such. They stumble around carrying pitchforks, axes, and gas cans (?) and promptly kill off some of the rebel rousers from Lucifer’s school. Luckily the priest’s sister has found the other archangel in time for her to stand there and do nothing at all. Hilariously bad dialogue mixed with some rotten special effects follows in the not so exciting climax. An awesome punk soundtrack can’t help this one, a plain and simple F.
Fido (2006)- The story of a boy and his dog...er zombie. "Is Timmy in trouble Fido?" I heard a lot of bad stuff about this one but those are probably people that expected "Shaun of the Dead" again. Sure it’s supposed to be a funny horror movie about zombies but the similarities end there. In the future (past), after the zombie wars, Zomcon has found a way to domesticate the zombie. Of course precautions have to be taken, but, for the most part, everyone is safe. When a security expert from Zomcom moves into the neighborhood, things are bound to be secure, or maybe that will end up making things worse. Since I expected nothing I was pleasantly surprised at the strange approach of this one. I thought it would be derivative in some sense but it came across as pretty original, an odd "kitchen of tomorrow’ 1950s vibe, like a weird Twilight Zone or something. There are lots of ‘hat tips’ to other zombie movies too but I’ll leave those for you to find. I’m not sure what to grade this, the writing, directing, and acting were all good, the story pretty original (yeah, it expands on the end of "Shaun of the Dead" but it does it in an offbeat way), but I’m not too sure it qualifies as horror actually. I will give it an A, that may be generous but I can’t find a reason not to give it an A.
Final Destination (2000)- The slasher flick with a twist. This time the slasher is in fact death itself, which has to work very hard to kill off these kids (especially in the killer clothesline/ downed power line/ spilled gas scene)! Anyway, a kid has a dream that the plane he's on is going to crash. He and a couple other passengers get off the plane, which of course does crash, and now death is pissed off that they were spared so it comes after them, slowly, but surely. While over all the film isn't too original and is just an excuse to find interesting ways to off teens, it does work on some level. It's believably acted and pretty tense at times with the knowledge death is just around the corner, as is the FBI, still trying to figure how that kid knew the plane was going to crash. B+.
Flesh Eater (1988)- The guy with the bit part (and distinction) of being the first zombie seen in Romero’s "Night of the Living Dead" decided that was qualification enough for him to make his own zombie film. He was wrong. We start off with some college kids on a hay ride, zombies (this time awaken by some sort of black magic curse) attack and the kids head off to hide out in a farm house. Sound familiar? From there we just kind of travel along in a totally plotless way from person to person, none of which have anything to do with the story, as much as there is a story anyway. I think really it was an excuse for the guy to bite girls while they were topless. This is low budget crap with nothing to offer but some MST3K treatment. The writing, directing, editing, sound, and acting all suck ass but it is fun to rip on (the Halloween party scene in the barn is fertile fun-making ground indeed). B+ on the craptacular scale.
Fly, The (1958)- Classic 50s sci-fi/horror about a scientist who ‘plays god’ by making a teleportation device. Not sure how exactly making a teleportation device is ‘playing god’ anymore than making a car or an airplane would be. Anyway, while testing the device out on himself a fly gets into the pod and his genes are fused with the flies when he is reassembled, creating a half human half fly, and a half fly half human. Without the fly-human the human-fly can’t try and undo the catastrophe. All this is told in flashback to the scientist’s brother and a police inspector by the scientist’s wife, who is being charged with murder as she admits she killed her husband by putting his head (and arm) in a machine press. Yikes! Vincent Price plays the brother-in-law in a very understated way and over all the acting is great. Yeah, there is the over-the-top ‘gee Beav’ 50s idyllic home life of the mad scientist, his wife, annoying dumbass son, and housekeeper, complete with lots of ‘ain’t life grand’ violin music, which I guess is suppose to juxtapose against the horror that is to come, and yes, the effects are dated, but this is still a better than most 50s monster movies. The colors, directing, and dialogue for the most part work really well. I’d say this is pretty much classic status, and was one more step towards Vincent Price becoming the horror cult icon he became. A.
Food of the Gods (1976)- Wow, giant wasps, giant worms, giant chickens, and giant rats and this ain't even Japan! These creatures find The Food of the Gods, greedy folks, scientists, professional football players, a pregnant lady, a bible beater... What more could you ask for? Some football players need to get away so they cruise out to the boonies and are soon set upon by giant beasties. All Hell breaks lose and one of the football players tries to help people survive while all they do is piss and moan without offering any other solutions. This is very bad stuff! I'm going to give this a B because it is one of those train wrecks that are so much fun to watch and make fun of. Yes, MST3K away! Deserves an F but... B
Foreign Correspondent (1940)- I have to admit, I had a hard time getting into the first 45 minutes or so of this flick. Some dated humor, silly ‘tough guy’ reporter bits, stuff that generally makes dated movies well, dated. A reporter is sent off to Europe to cover the gathering clouds of war in the late 30s. He’s a smartass I guess just out for a story and a good time when a Danish treaty negotiator is assassinated right in front of him. From that point on we’re back in Hitch territory, with tense chase scenes, tense scenes of people hiding and almost getting caught, more assassination attempts, and twisty murder/intrigue plot. Several scenes rank up there as classics including the chase just after the assassination in the rain, shot from above all we see are hats and umbrellas, and the scene in the windmill, with the wind blowing the mill turning and someone lurking around every corner are just two among many. Yes, this is an almost shameless propaganda film trying to convince Americans that remaining neutral was not an option as WWII was starting up, but Hitch was able to pull it off by putting together a great film that despite a few unavoidable dated elements remains strong today. A
Forgotten, The (2004)- This was a weird one. I was looking for one of those predictable psychological thrillers. You know the ones. A lady is in counseling because she can't get over losing her son. Then everyone begins trying to convince her she never actually had a son, she suddenly becomes an action hero, etcetc. This is more or less what happens but then all of a sudden about half way through everything suddenly takes a scifi turn. Some may think this was the easy way out but I thought it was kind of good. They took a formula movie and combined it with another formula movie and ended up with something fairly original. I guess going in it's not what I expected at all and they were able to pull it off with a straight face. B.
Frankenstein (1931)- This movie has the expected flaws for one so old. The bad old school acting, the silly 'chase scene' near the end. The story sort of follows Shelley's book, but leaves massive gaps. For instance, it seems the monster 'just happens' to find Dr. Frankenstein's fiancé's room, but we know from the book the monster was smart and planned it all along. But despite its flaws I feel it is the strongest of the original Universal monster movies. The sets are great, especially the lab scenes, which are second to none, and the makeup job on Boris Karloff is probably the best of all time. Plus, despite all the makeup, you realize what a tragedy this is for the Monster. The scenes with Fritz teasing him with the torch and the scene near the lake with the little girl were way ahead of their time, and still very effective. Dr. Frankenstein calling out "Now I know what it feels like to be God" was ahead of its time too. Though it all seems very tame now, this was a controversial flick back in the day. A.
Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell (1974)- Hammer’s last foray into the Frankenstein character and they bring it to a close on a pretty strong note. Here we find the baron living nicely in an insane asylum. There are plenty of test subjects in a place like that, and luckily, a bright new assistant too. The baron has some dirt on the asylum’s director so he pretty much has the run of the place and has been building a new man, with his usual ‘science first’ completely emotionless approach. Peter Cushing had perfected this part and plays it perfectly straight here for the last time. B+
Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)- I know what you're thinking; why the Hell would I even watch a movie called "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man"? Wouldn't it be everything that I hate about modern horror movie sequels? Bad acting, bad effects, silly plot, rehashed original story in a watered down sequel? Well yes and no. I have a weakness for those old horror flicks, especially the Universal Monsters, which is what this is. This time Bela Lugosi is Frankenstein's monster (he played a were-wolf in The Wolf Man and of course Dracula so he's done the Big Three) and Lon Cheney Jr. returns as the Wolf-Man. He needs to visit Dr. Frankenstein to help him with his little full moon problem; instead of finding the Dr. he finds the castle in ruins and the monster stuck in the basement. Yeah it's silly, but it's also good stuff for those that like this sort of thing. The acting is actually pretty good (Lugosi is an over-the-top Monster, as should be expected though) and the effects, especially the lab scenes are great (of course the wolf transformation leaves a lot to be desired after seeing An American Werewolf In London and The Howling, but hey, it was the 40s). If you like the genre you'll like this, if not you probably won't. I give it a D+.
Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969)- The good doctor keeps having his experiments messed up by people and now the police are hot on his trail again. He takes on another alias and moves in a boarding house to lay low, but ego and good fortune (or other's misfortune) get him again and open the door for more experiments. This time he must save a colleague, who was into the same experiments, from insanity and the insane asylum. He must do this by performing a brain transplant. A very original and well-acted extension of the Frankenstein story. It goes without saying that the monster is actually Frankenstein, not, well, The Monster, which isn't in this one anyway. If you like Hammer films you'll really like this one. A.
Freaks (1932)- I can describe this movie in three words: "Strange but classic". It is the story of circus 'freaks' that seek revenge when someone tries to take advantage of one of their own. There are the 'regular folk' who laugh at the freaks and there are the 'regular folk' who are friends with the freaks, and then there are the two circus performers, the trapeze artist and the strong man, who try and take advantage of a dwarf 'freak' who actually happens to be loaded. This leads to the classic revenge scene at the end. Tod Browning directed and like his direction in "Dracula" he wavers between static staginess and cutting edge technique, the revenge ending being pretty cutting edge for 1932 with the camera stationed under wagons, and in the mud as the 'freaks' crawl through the rain and muck to exact their revenge. Yeah, it's dated and even the best prints are at times hard to hear but this is a must see for anyone interested in the history of horror and censorship. A+
Freddie Vs. Jason (2003)- Plot? Freddie vs. Jason. Freddie needs Jason to scare up some victims so he gets him out of Hell. Said plan backfires. Well, what can you expect from a movie with a title like this? Very predictable, stereotypical, little effort put forth by anyone involved. Bad acting, poor writing, crappy directing, but hey, what's not to love? If you go into this with idea it's more camp then horror you probably won't be disappointed. Still, it could've been a lot better, just keep in mind this ain't the "Godfather." C.
Frenzy (1972)- A later Hitchcock vehicle about a man wrongly accused of serial rape and murder. The tale is weaved around the man, his running from the law, professed innocence, and his set up by the real killer. Like many Hitchcock films we the audience are pretty much let in on what is happening and who is to blame as the plot develops so the suspense doesn't derive from any mystery but instead from our desire to see the story through and find out just exactly what will happen to the guilty and to the innocent (if in fact there really are any innocent). This movie is full of the typical black comedy and light humor that Hitch so often put in his movies. He somehow always maintained a perfect balance of so many emotions and so many layers in his films and this is a perfect example of that. A.
Friday the 13th (1980)- Move the town-with-a-secret movie to a campground and you have a whole new movie to make. Jason was a freak and the camp counselors made fun of him. Then he drowned in the lake and they closed Camp Crystal Lake. Then, some time later, they reopened Camp Crystal Lake and sure enough, revenge is exacted on kids that had nothing to do with the Camp Crystal Lake back in the day. This was an OK movie, but not very original. The twist at the end got me the first time I watched it but I was pretty young so I don't know if it would work on me now (if I hadn't seen it before). Jason is a pretty good horror movie character but (PLOT SPOILER AHEAD) he isn't actually even in this movie and I'm pretty sure this one is responsible for more terrible sequels than any horror movie franchise, but I can't blame this one movie for all those train wrecks. Aside from creating a great character this franchise has little to offer. C.
Frightmare (1983)- Bizarre tale about a famous old school horror movie star who dies (in a long and bizarre way) and then has fun by staging his own funeral. (He knew he was dying so he made a film to play at his funeral.) Some of his biggest fans, who happen to also be film school students, promptly disinter the body and take it to a party (where the film goes off on a sort of a 70s psychedelic trip for a short while). Soon the crypt is found to be disturbed; a séance takes place, and the corpse of the movie star rises up to take revenge on those who disturbed him, even though they actually did it out of admiration. The plot is a lot like "Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things" except it is just one super powered zombie rather than an island full of normal zombies and the kids aren’t quite as annoying. This isn’t a bad movie, it creates OK atmosphere, but at times is terribly slow moving. The acting is OK; it just leans towards boring at times. I’ll drop a C on it.
Funeral Home (1980)- This Canadian export has that 'made for TV' feel to it. There's not much budget, but who needs that really, and there's very little originality, this movie makes no bones at all about basically being a reworking of "Psycho" (and it tips its hat at the end with a swinging light scene). The plot is pretty easy to figure out too with a not so well planted red herring. Still, this movie is a nicely paced, competently directed and acted little suspense thriller. An old lady who's husband has disappeared decides to turn his old funeral home into a bed and breakfast and with the help of her granddaughter she seems on the road to success. But those pesky guests keep disappearing too. The old gal does some great acting, as she mixes piety with insanity. The end, while maybe a tad too long, is well executed (no pun intended). B-.
Fury, The (1978): This starts out as an action adventure, slides into a rip off of "Carrie", eases back into spy/action/adventure mode, then ends with a terrible 70s sci fi thing. A secret agent man's son has very powerful ESP. He wants to send him to a special school to learn how to use it. Then "The Agency" kidnaps the son for some reason and proceeds to send him to the school his dad was sending him to anyway. His dad wants him back. At the same time a girl also has very powerful ESP. We know this because of experiments in her... ESP class? Anyway, kids make fun of her and she makes their nose bleed. Then she ends up in that special school, being watched by "The Agency". The agent wants her to help him find his son too. Cold War type espionage ensues. I was caught and pulled into this movie and liked about the first 2/3 but that last 1/3 was just too dumb. D+.
Gaslight (1940)- This is the original version of the hit stage play. This is an English version that had never played in the US and four years after it was made MGM bought the rights to the story and to this version to ensure it wouldn't compete with theirs. Story wise this version is very similar with a couple notable exceptions. One, it is the husband who is the nephew of the murdered woman, not the wife as the niece. Two, the person who figures out what is going on is an older retired policeman not a younger detective. This movie moves faster and has a darker feeling to it than MGM's remake (MGM's moves subtly from a bright beginning into a dark end). Much of the plot and story remain the same though. A young wife feels she is slowly going insane as things around her house disappear and she hears noises each night in the attic as the gaslight dims. This version offers no real mystery as to what is going on, although the 'why' is left until the end. It is still a very effective version although the MGM remake is actually a little better. This is basically a filmed stage play and more supsense thriller than horror. A-.
Gaslight (1944)- Ingrid Bergman's aunt, who she lives with, is killed in a brutal murder and the killer is never found. Ingrid moves to Italy to train to become a great singer like her aunt. She meets the man of her dreams, marries him, and moves back into the house where her aunt was killed. Then she slowly begins losing her mind. Is the house haunted? Is she crazy? Is there foul play afoot? This movie is filled with great acting and great directing and is said to have been a major influence on Alfred Hitchcock. So much so he changed the entire direction of his career to make movies more in this vein (psychological thrillers). That was a good move! I would say that's reason enough to grant an A+.
Ghost, The (1963)- A sequel of sorts to "The Horrible Dr. Hitchcock", here we have Barbara Steele, with the aid of a young doctor, plotting the death of her crippled husband, Dr. Hitchcock. Their plan works but there are consequences to all actions as they are haunted by a vengeful ghost, a guilty conscience, and a rewritten will complete with missing jewels. This is a good suspense piece, a little over acted but mostly well done. You’ll see the twist at the end a mile away, but the little double twist was nice. It feels very much like a Hammer film. Hammer should’ve hired Steele for some of their productions. B.
Ghost, The (2004)- Korean flick that borrows heavily from "The Ring" and quite a bit from "The Grudge". Scary little girls, long black hair, weird eyes, a vengeful ghost, and lots of water all present and accounted for. A young college student has amnesia; she doesn’t remember anything prior to going to college. When two local girls die and one goes insane she finds out they were friends of hers when she was in high school and when she starts seeing very strange things she knows she has to investigate her past. Everything pretty much follows formula from then on and we get the answer we were expecting to get, until the twist ending, which pulled the old ‘I feel like I should watch this again now’ that has become pretty popular since "The Sixth Sense". This one is pretty derivative and, except for the twist, pretty predictable, but it is put together well and the acting and look work. If you can get past some of the unoriginality and like the mood set by these types of Asian horror flicks you’ll dig this, if you dislike the pace of these then better to stay away. B+.
Ghost in the Machine (1993): Ah, the 90s. Technology was taking over our lives and we were scared. OK, we really weren't scared but Hollywood thought we were scared. So they made movies about what could happen if, uh, if killers could get inside computers, move around as electricity, find address books, then kill etc. Wow, computer animation was still pretty new and in this movie it was abused quite a bit. This is some lame predictable stuff to avoid. F.
Ghost Galleon, The (1974)- If part two of the Blind Dead movies is the best, then this, part three, is the worst. A couple of fashion models take a boat out into the open ocean (a little speed boat?!?) in hopes of being rescued by a passing merchant ship and then creating lots of free publicity for the marketing firm they work for. A terrible plan that goes terribly awry when the girls wind up boarding the old apparently abandoned ship they float up to. A rescue party goes looking, but must enter another dimension to find the galleon and the girls. They do so and find the Templars and their treasure. Will dumping the Templars coffin/crates into the ocean save them? A couple of "I don’t know about you but I’m getting out of heres" later and we find out the answer to that one. This movie is ripe for the ol’ MST3K treatment. Horrible acting, hilarious dialogue, long boring sequences, no where near enough Templar zombies, and probably the worst 'ship on the ocean' effects ever filmed outside someone's bathtub. B on the craptacular scale.
Ghost of Frankenstein (1942)- Like Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees of today, you can't keep a good monster down (and you get to see where many of Jason's resurrections were stolen from). Maybe they should stay down though. Not nearly as strong as the first three Frankenstein movies, Lon Chaney Jr. takes the roll of the monster, and while he's impressive, he lacks the character and tragedy Karloff was able to bring to the role. The plot? Well, Frankenstein's other son finds out that his father's monster is still alive, but not doing so well. Does he destroy the monster and move on, or does he help him and make him a man? Mankind's ego and refusal to accept nature's roll and control are, as always, the theme here. Sound familiar? Too much silly 'scientific explanations' and things like brain transplants for this to really work. Lugosi returns as Ygor though and saves the picture from being total train wreck. C.
Ghost Rider (2007)- I went into this expecting nothing at all and got precisely that. Johnny Blaze is on a motorcycle stunt team with his dad, his dad is dying of cancer, Johnny makes a deal with the devil to save his dad, the deal backfires, Johnny goes on to be a famous stunt rider, and becomes the Ghost Rider, who is the devil’s bounty hunter, when the devil’s son rebels and tries to take over earth. That could’ve worked pretty well but instead we have pretty much horribly written, horribly acted, horribly directed pap and more plot holes than I29 has potholes in February. However, this one is perfect for the old MST3K treatment! Have fun! Really an F but an A on the craptacular scale.
Ghost Ship, The (1943)- Val Lewton had a way with production and telling tales that otherwise might fall flat. This is a simple story of an old ship's captain taking on a new third mate and hoping to train him in the ways of authority. The captain is obsessed with the subject and spouts off snippets of his wisdom from years in charge of men at sea. Soon we begin to see many sides of the issue of authority, we see the pressure of constantly being 'in charge' and responsible for everything, including the men's lives, we see the effects of abuse of power and we see people acting as sheep and blindly following their leader. Pretty powerful stuff in this low budget thriller. And again, Lewton's production, despite a lower budget, looks great. Great black and white photography great acting, and great sets. A.
Ghost Story (1981)- Some old guys hang out in the same town they've always lived in. Getting together, telling scary stories, drinking, and hanging out. Of course, they have a terrible secret to hide and it comes back to haunt them in the form of one of their son's fiancés. She's a weird one all right but of course, things aren't what they seem. Not the best ghost story but far from the worst this works for the most part. The acting is good but the direction could've been better. There is some good suspense but not much atmosphere is ever created. B-.
Ghost Town (2008)- A comedic take on the "6th Sense" idea (remember "Frighteners"?). A dentist who hates everyone and everything has a near death experience during a colonoscopy and from that point on he is harassed by dead people who want favors from him, in particular one insistent businessman who doesn’t want his wife (widow) to marry the lawyer she is engaged to. Chock full of dry British humor and subtle what I’ll call ‘word humor’, the interactions between the dentist and everyone else (living and dead) is pretty funny. The movie works on several levels (ghost story, comedy, love story) and I thought it was very well directed and acted, the comedy was funny and the relationships were well done. Simple little flick. A.
Ghost Walks, The (1934)- Think of every cliché you can cram into one old school 'horror' movie from 1934 and then run that list through an amplifier and what you'll get back out is "The Ghost Walks". Wow, this is one dated sumbitch. I mean movies this old have to be forgiven as so much was still new but this is ridiculous. This is like someone doing a movie now and trying to make it LOOK like it was from 1934. From the stage acting and gesturing to the terrible camp comedy relief to horrible sound and hilarious skips in the film this baby is DATED! A playwright sets up a theater producer to come by and see his play and unknowingly be a part of the action. The play is about a killer at a dinner party. When it appears someone actually dies the actors stop the play but the producer never believes them, thinking the play is still continuing. It's an OK plot and it is done professionally, at least in a low budget crappy 1934 way. An odd thing about these old movies is they are really short but seem incredibly long, like a torture session. Not F material but pretty close. D-.
Ghoul, The (1933)- I give these old school flicks the benefit of the doubt, and I’ve read a lot of good stuff about this one, still, I hated it. It is basically a mix up of "The Cat and the Canary", "The Old Dark House", and "The Mummy" but isn’t as good as any of those. An old Egyptologist dies, but believes he will return from the dead as he has been studying and practicing the ancient Egyptian religion and has the secret to immortal life. He warns that if his Egyptian artifacts are tampered with he will return for revenge. The artifacts are tampered with and then we run the gamut about heirs, scary old houses, mystery about the missing artifact and who did it and who’s trying to throw who off the trial, etc. It is well filmed and Karloff does a good job (he was so obviously far ahead of everyone else with regards to acting as he is playing his part while everyone else is just reading their lines like they were practicing for a stage play). I just lost interest in the whole mystery angle and the print I watched was dark so much of the time I couldn’t tell who was doing what. I’ll give this a D as Karloff was good.
Giant Gila Monster, The (1959)- I can describe this movie in 7 words and a contraction: Deuce Coupes, Rock ‘n’ Roll, Giant Gila Monster. That’s really all you need to know but if you want more... We have ‘the gang’; a group of hot rod drag racers with their souped up ’32 Fords tear assing around the sticks near this small town. They’re actually a good bunch of kids though, led by All-American caring correspondence course taking gear head Chase. He’s a hard worker and helps folks when he can, while fixing up hot rods and writing songs on the side. Chase works at Compton’s Garage, and Compton stores nitro-glycerin in is shed out back. Cut to the giant gila monster ripping cars right off the road as they pass. The local sheriff is overwhelmed, being the only peace officer for 10,000 square miles. He asks Chase for some help, since the local rich guy’s kid is one that’s missing and he’s breathing down the sheriff’s neck pretty hard. Chase is glad to help, of course, as long as he can steal the parts off of some of the cars the giant gila monster has ripped from the road. They start to figure things out after the giant gila monster tears down a train bridge and the survivors all say they saw it, now they’ll have to believe the town drunk who bought his Ford Model A for $695 in 1932 and saw the giant gila monster too. But first all the teens will head to the barn for a party with a famous DJ and also to debut Chase’s first single, destined to be a hit. While singing what is apparently the b-side to his single the giant gila monster attacks the barn. You can pretty much guess exactly who saves the day and how (Maybe Chase, with his Deuce Coupe, and some nitro... Maybe, I’m just guessing here). I went into this looking for totally inept filmmaking and actually got just plain old inept filmmaking, not totally inept. It has a great 50s sci-fi giant monster feel to it complete with explanations like salt deposits in drinking water cause gigantism and giant animals can live and hide in the underbrush for years and dialogue like "he might have goofed the speed shifter or something" and ‘bare foot’ means bald tires, ‘sore foot’ means flat tire and records are ‘platters’ so you listen and dance to platters at a platter party. I give this a solid B on the craptacular scale.
Girl Who Knew Too Much, the (1963) - Bava’s obvious nod to Hitchcock, a flick about a tourist from America visiting Italy who witnesses a death (from natural causes), is mugged, and then witnesses a murder... maybe. Maybe she’s just stressed out... or maybe it’s something else, stay until the end to tie it all together. I found this a little hard to follow at times and the campier edge seemed out of place too, but for the most part the directing and cinematography were incredibly well done, Bava, for the most part, borrowed the best elements from Hitchcock and then made them his own. If you’re not a big Bava or Giallo fan this may not be for you but if you like either of those I recommend this one. B.
God Told Me To (1976)- Man, this one starts off great! Regular folks are going on rampages and killing for no other reason than "God told them to". A deeply religious detective takes up the case and a deepening mystery builds up. And then... We take a 90 degree left turn and all sense is left at the door. Suddenly we’re thrown into a story about alien abduction, virgin births, and the director’s apparent vagina obsession (it’s not a good thing either). I really dug about the first half of this, and really hated the second half. It starts off with such a mysterious, gritty, indie New York film feel, and ends up as being some goofy 70s sci-fi trash. D.
Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell (1968)- First Goke (pronounced Go Key) aren't really body snatchers. Second they aren't really from Hell. Maybe something is lost in translation. Either way this is a not so subtle anti war character study masked as a Japanese Horror/Sci-Fi movie. In the character study we have the corrupt politician, representing the failure of leadership and man's self-centeredness, the capitalist business man, representing greed and over ambition, succeed at any cost attitude, the business man's wife who he has whored out for the success of his business, representing the oppressed (particularly those oppressed by the greed of others), we have the psychiatrist, representing cold hard reason, the assassin, representing violence and death, the widow, representing the result of the violence and death, and the pilot and stewardess, representing leadership and man's ability for self sacrifice. They are on a plane that crashes after flying into a blood red sky and under a UFO. The survivors, listed above, argue at each decision to be made, and become paralyzed with indecision while each of them becomes the victim of the creature from the title. There are some effective scenes but we are constantly subjected to the movie's moral (the widow at one point exclaiming "War is terrible, it makes everyone miserable", maybe something is lost in that translation as well... oh wait, she speaks English). This is one of Quentin Terrentino's favorite Japanese Sci-Fi flicks and it does work much of the time despite some obvious flaws. If you like Japanese Horror/Sci-Fi you'll like this. B-.
Gorgon, The (1964)- Strange little Hammer film which brings the Greek Gorgon/Medusa myth into more modern times, placing it in turn of the century Germany (I figure Hammer already had the sets and costumes at the ready). A town is plagued by a curse in which some people are found dead, turned to stone. The local doctor just writes the deaths off as heart failure, but that won’t due when some important people start turning up dead. Mainly, an artist whose rich influential father isn’t buying the story his son committed suicide after getting a local girl pregnant. The father shows up, and also dies a mysterious death, but not before writing a letter to his other son. The lid will soon be blown off the town’s secrets. Very little in the way of explanation is ever offered, the lines between good and evil, right and wrong are blurred and everything is played out like a Greek tragedy, which it is more or less based on, as love is what ends up getting everyone in the most trouble. Well acted and directed, the colors and sets and ‘feel’ are perfect early Hammer. This is only for those looking for the subtle atmospheric horrors, despite the subject material this is no monster movie, keeping that in mind I will give this a B+.
Grave Dancers (2006)- This was part of the "Eight Films To Die For" horrorfest. This movie never takes itself too seriously and is pretty predictable from the very beginning. Some friends reunite for a friend’s funeral and afterwards they celebrate life by getting hammered and dancing in a graveyard. Turns out they were dancing in the section reserved for psychopaths, murderers and other malcontents. Now those ghosts are out to get them. Throw in some parapsychologists, a creepy old house, and over the top effects and you have horror, sort of. There were some good parts in this one and it was pretty well made, it just tended to drag on for too long and each twist just got a little more over the top until the end got totally insane, still, it kept me interested for the most part. C-.
Grapes of Death, The (1978)- What happens when folks decide to make their own pesticide and spray it on their grape crops and then make wine with said grapes and then have a harvest bash and invite the whole village and get them loaded up on the wine made from the grapes that had the homemade pesticide sprayed on them? You get French people decaying before your eyes and going batshit insane. A girl is heading to be with her fiancé who works at a winery. At a stop a man boards the train obviously in very bad shape; he kills her companion and then chases her. She runs, and runs, and runs, meets a few more folks who seem to be decaying both physically and morally. She runs some more. She gets a gun, which she seems to have sometimes, and not have sometimes. Although she hasn’t had any of the wine, she is obviously loosing her mind. Finally she reaches the village with the help of a very bizarre and whiney blind girl. The entire village is deserted... or is it? Blood, puss, and decapitations follow. Only the French could make a zombie movie like this (though technically not zombies). It does have its moments, some genuinely creepy atmosphere, some good effects (and some bad mixed in), but also tends to drag and leaves you screaming "no one would act like that in that situation" as the girl kind of ambles around and watches as horrifying things go down. A slow mover at times to be sure but it is after all French and the French do like to show people walking around a lot in the their movies (people walking around with the intermittent tit shot). My main complaint is the atrocious editing though, the now she has it now she doesn't pistol, the blond gal's ability to change clothes at the drop of a hat (and where did those dogs come from), it is jarring at times, almost moves the movie into a surreal feel, but I don't think they really wanted it to go that way. With some judicious editing this could've been great but...If you are a ‘must see all things zombie related’ kind of fan then you should see this one, but I can’t recommend it too highly. However, keeping in mind it was made in 1978 it does hold an important spot in the pantheon of zombie horror, beating the Italian cycle by a couple of years. B-.
Graveyard of Horror (1971)- The collapse of rural life, the dissolution of heritage, and the constant pull of temptation, temptation for sin and for immortal greatness are just some of the heady topics explored in this Spanish gothic horror masterpiece reminiscent of the atmosphere and look of some of Hammer’s best films. And by "Spanish gothic horror masterpiece" I mean hilariously bad piece of crap. I read a review where someone called this "Graveyard of Unintentional Humor". That sums it up! The jarring editing, bad acting, even worse dubbing, riotous soundtrack, and plot, oh the plot. At least what I could make out of a plot. It goes something like this: A man returns to his home, a castle in the boonies, his wife has recently died during a complicated pregnancy, also loosing the infant. He wants to know how she died (dying during a complicated c-section in the boonies not being a good enough explanation) so he goes to his sister, then his sister-in-laws, then his mother-in-law, then the local doctor, then the family doctor, where he finally finds the truth, his wife died during the c-section process of a complicated child birth, then he disappears, but then shows up here and there, or is that the local cop pretending to be the guy, and if so why? The family doctor is really weird though and must be a bad guy because he has huge caterpillar like eyebrows and an organ plays every time he enters a room. Something else must be a foot. I guess other folks have died, including the guy’s brother, who was a great scientist and an earl too. Also the gravedigger is selling heads from the graveyard and has something to do with this, as do all the women wearing very impractical shoes for such a snowy climate. I think the doctor has to feed a lizard man bodies each ‘cycle’ which apparently means monthly, 6 months in he gets nervous as people are starting to realize that each month someone else dies. Not a very well thought out plan I guess. Anyway, this is a total train wreck which gets a very strong A on the craptacular scale, I’d give it an A+ but at 83 minutes it is just WAY too long!!!
Grudge, The (2004)- Creepy Japanese inspired piece. According to Japanese legend, if something bad happens in a house then those 'vibes' (my word) linger like a stain and rub off on anyone who stays there. This movie revolves around such a house and all those who enter. Nice twist on the old ghost story standard with room for some violent conclusions. Although slow moving at times, this is a pretty effective movie and has some genuinely strange scenes that made me uncomfortable. I've read a lot about how great some of these Japanese horror movies are but have yet to see any of the originals, only the American remakes (although this was actually remade by the same Japanese director in Japan, but for American audiences). Hopefully I'll be able to find some of the originals and catch them and review them in the near future. B.
HG Wells’ First Men on the Moon (1964)- This is an old school sci-fi flick with some good stop motion from Ray Harryhausan. It is about a UN expedition to the moon which everyone believes to be man’s first, until the expedition discovers a letter and a British flag near the landing site, and maybe the ranting about being on the moon of a senile old man aren’t so crazy after all. His story is told in flashback and it takes awhile to get going as we head into some campy almost ‘Nutty Professor’ type of bit. Once on the moon though Ray’s insect aliens take over (most of the insect aliens are actually people in bad costumes but the animated ones are pretty cool). If you like Ray’s work or like goofy sci-fi fluff then this is probably a must see, but if you aren’t into either of those you won’t be missing much. I’ll give it a really strong C+, less nutty professor, more stop motion insect moon people would’ve been better.
Halloween (1978)- I caught this on Scifi awhile back so it was edited for content but I've seen both versions several times. I can't add anything that hasn't been said about this movie. Simply put it is a classic and, in my opinion, the best slasher flick I've seen. Michael kills his sister when he is very young and is put in an institution. Several years later he escapes and Dr. Loomis pursues because he knows Michael is really the embodiment of evil. Michael returns home to terrorize his old neighborhood. Everything about this movie works from the acting, to the directing, to the scares, to the music. A+.
Halloween (2007)- "Why oh why" comes to mind when considering a remake of one of my favorite horror films. But I gave "Dawn of the Dead" a shot and ended up really liking it so maybe that would happen again. So did it? Well, this story more or less follows Carpenter’s "Halloween" pretty closely. The body count is higher, the graphic violence more brutal, and the gore more prevalent (the original, despite its reputation contained very little gore). You should know what you’re getting at a Rob Zombie movie, and aren’t all of his movies basically remakes... or re-imaginings ("House of 1000 Corpses" is basically "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Devil’s Rejects" is basically "The Hills Have Eyes") so at least you do know this time. The movie delves much more deeply into Michael Myers’ background as a youth, how disturbed he was and what helped push him over the edge. He has an abusive step dad, abusive bully classmates, a stripper mom who loves him but who he is embarrassed of, and a sister who treats him like crap. He takes his feelings of helplessness out on animals, which triggers a red flag with his school and they call in child psychologist Dr. Loomis. Too late. Michael beats a bully classmate to death (we assume) then later that night kills his step dad (or mother’s boyfriend, whatever), sister, and sister’s boyfriend. He’s placed in the asylum under the care of Dr. Loomis, and each day gets more and more distant, until, as an adult... Well, you probably know the rest, and from here it follows Carpenter very closely. To make up for the longer act 1, act 2 is compressed, which is sad as we’re left with no character development, despite some pretty good, albeit stereotypical, character development in act 1. Sure, if you’re a fan you already know the characters, but it would be good to get to know them ‘now’. And then, by the final act everything starts to unravel as we’re thrown into "The night He came home" with little or no preparation and all the suspense that had been built up throughout the early part of the movie falls kind of flat and we’re subjected to yet another modern horror movie chase scene which seems to last way too long. So the bottom-line? Those into the Michael mythos should really like the treatment of it throughout the first 2/3rds of the movie; it worked really well for me. But maybe it should have just ended there. After we go back to Haddonfield the movie just looses steam and can’t hold up to the atmosphere and suspense that made the original so damned good. I’ll give it a B- because it was well done until the final act and the use of much of the original music was great as was the same use of old movies like "The Thing" and a little "White Zombie" being watched as well.
Halloween II (1981)- Although it doesn’t compare to the fall off between "The Exorcist" and "The Exorcist II", there is still a fairly big fall off between this and the original. Michael Myers is still an effective character and hasn’t become the cartoon he would eventually become and there are some effective moments but it all seems to be rehash of the original but without the intense suspense. Once we know a character like Michael Myers the surprise is gone and the overall effectiveness is lost, so we wind up with gore replacing suspense (despite its reputation there is virtually no gore in "Halloween"). Plot-wise we pick right up where "Halloween" left off. The bodies are discovered, Lori is whisked off to the hospital, cops quell the masses, and Michael kills more folks as he heads off to try and finish the job on Lori. There is some unintentional humor in spots like the boy being run over by the police car, which also lessons the overall horror of the movie. The subplot of Michael and Lori being brother and sister is revealed and an unnecessary and unexplored pagan element is added with Michael’s writing "Samhain" on the black board of a school he’s broken into. Not a bad effort, especially when compared to the terrible slasher flicks which followed closely on its heels, but still nowhere near as effective as the first. B.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)- Halloween III was a sequel in name only. No Haddonfield, no Michael Myers, etc. Not only was this not really Halloween THREE, it wasn't a good movie. Seriously, pagans are going to take over the world by playing a commercial on TV while kids watch them with masks on that make roaches crawl out of their heads. This word says it all... "Robots". Or maybe... "Dumb". F
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)- It doesn’t take too long (sequel wise) for a genuinely effective character and story line to go down the tubes. Michael Myers here becomes more of a punch line than a legit horror character as he escapes, yet again, the day before Halloween, yet again, kills some folks, yet again, and heads off to Haddonfield, yet again. This time though he’s hunting a little girl who happens to be his niece. Michael hates his family! Dr. Loomis shows up talking about the embodiment of evil again, rednecks go on the hunt, kids play pranks, seen it all before. This movie fails to create any atmosphere or convincing scares and even Michael Myers comes off as kind of a cartoon character with his bright white ineffective new mask. The only thing is some of the acting actually isn’t bad. Still, I give this an F.
Happening, The (2008)- M. Night has been struggling lately. I liked "The Village" OK but the payoff at the end disappointed, and "Lady in the Water" was just a tad too egocentric for me, so is "The Happening" redemption? One day folks in Central Park stop what they are doing and commit suicide, then mass suicides all over New York follow, eventually spreading over most of New England. Marky Mark is a science teacher, having a little marital problem, who realizes, along with many others, that he’d better head out of Philly. His wife, best friend, best friend’s young daughter, and he hop a train out of town, and then get stranded in a small town as communications begin to break down. His group gets smaller and smaller until he begins to figure things out, although it may be too late. Yes, there are some obvious messages, urban sprawl is bad being the most blatantly obvious, mistreating nature is bad (mmkay) another obvious one, but this film worked for me. It is kind of an odd twist on the zombie theme. Instead of becoming zombies and killing others, folks become zombies (metaphorically speaking) and kill themselves. That in and of itself is a pretty scary idea, coupled with the isolation, struggle to survive, and struggle to understand the movie portrays and it all works for me. It may be too preachy and not ‘action packed’ enough for some horror fans’ taste so keep that in mind. Nice save M. Night. A
Haunted Palace, The (1963)- Corman directed Price vehicle based on Lovecraft’s "The Curious Case of Charles Dexter Ward", Corman threw in a couple of lines from a Poe poem so he could make folks think it part of his successful Poe series, but it was in fact the first film based on a Lovecraft story. If you like these type of Corman flicks then I think you will like this. I liked it a lot and felt the acting and directing were great as were the sets. Amazing what can be done on Corman budgets! Price plays both the evil Curwin, a warlock who uses a town’s young maidens to try and mate with ‘The Elders’ to create a super race and is then burned by the town’s folk, but not before he curses them all, and his great great grandson, Ward, who inherits the palace and then becomes possessed by Curwin and starts up the old practices again. Price is great in his dual role and obviously relishes the chance to switch between good and evil at the drop of a hat. This film fits right in with his "Masque of the Red Death" and "The Pit and the Pendulum" and is a must see if you liked those. A
Haunting, The (1963)- A favorite from my youth. A scientist gathers some psychics into an old haunted house to investigate paranormal activity there and record his investigations. Yeah it's been done to death now ("Legend of Hell House", "Rose Red", "Haunting" remake) but it was still fresh here, and it still worked (based on Shirley Jackson's "Haunting of Hill House", this is one of those rare times when I think the movie is better than the book, which I have read). Very suspenseful and mysterious with a great atmosphere and some great dialogue and acting. It's one of those rare horror movies that just seem real. A+.
A Haunting In Connecticut (2009)- Looking for an original take on the ghost story? Look elsewhere. Want a ‘greatest hits’ rehash of famous scenes from "The Legend of Hell House", "The Amityville Horror", "The Shining", "Poltergeist", "The Others", and various other ‘haunted house’ movies both old and new? Then this is for you. Painfully unoriginal in pretty much every way, this movie focuses on a family with a teenager dying of cancer. They rent a house that was at one time a mortuary, and the boy, standing so near death, contacts the spirits trapped there. Things go from bad to worse and he enlists the help of a reverend who knows all about such things (of course), the reverend helps clean the house, everything is over... or is it... of course not. Indeed, I couldn’t help but keep thinking "saw it" at every other turn in this one... still, having said that, I liked it OK. I mean, it takes the best of all those other movies and weaves them into one. I wouldn’t want all the movies to be this unoriginal but if you like those types of haunted house flicks and you can ignore the pile up of clichés then you could do much worse. I’ll give this a B-, the acting was good, the atmosphere worked, just don’t expect anything new.
Haxan (1922)- Haxan is a brilliant silent docu-drama about Witchcraft. It is a German film from director Benjamin Christenson (who also plays The Devil in the film) that starts as a documentary on practices and superstitions about witchcraft and includes great shots of old wood cuttings of devils, witches, and Hell; That great scary art from BACK in the day. The movie then moves into an example of how witches were accused, tortured, then they accused others and the sickness spread from village to village under the Inquisitors. Of course it is an old silent film but the images are stark and the tinting used very well. The Criterion print is pretty amazing and contains the 1968 re-release narrated by William Burroughs. (That version is slightly shorter and not tinted.) If you're into the history of horror film, witchcraft, or silent movies then this is a must see. If you're not into 1 or more of those then maybe you'll want to pass this up. A+.
He Knows You’re Alone (1980)- This is one of those flicks that give horror movies in general a bad name. Not because of gore and gratuitous sex, there’s really not much of that here, but because it is painfully unoriginal and the characters do incredibly stupid things. Unoriginal in that it is "Halloween" mixed with "Black Christmas" (of course those were "Psycho" inspired but there is a difference between being influenced and basically steeling camera angles, characters, and music). As far as doing stupid things? Take your pick. Why doesn’t the obsessed cop tell the local police what he thinks is going on and stake out the address he finds, thereby getting the killer before he kills again. Of course the movie would be too short then. When the killer is on the top of the car why doesn’t the driver slam on the breaks? When the girl goes to hide in the coroner’s office why doesn’t she lock any doors behind her... Why aren’t the doors locked in the first place? Why does the killer kill the guy that fits dresses? I could go on and on, suffice it to say, this isn’t very thought out. The plot? A guy is jilted at the alter and decides he will kill off brides at random, and apparently anyone else who knows the brides. Add a young bride having second thoughts, her friends, an obsessed cop, a dressmaker, a cheating professor, a goofy ex-boyfriend, Tom Hanks, 70s fashion, bad dialogue, and you have this formula. Watchable in the context of being an early "Halloween" slasher clone but don’t expect too much. D+.
Head, The (1959)- Standard mad scientist fair about a doctor who figures out how to keep body parts alive with his serum Z, his over ambitious new assistant of course, takes the experiments too far; nurse’s head, meet stripper’s body. It sounds a lot like "The Head That Wouldn’t Die" but really, this is one is way creepier and darker. No it is no masterpiece, it is clunky, slow, and goofy at times, yet it does create a sort of weird oppressive atmosphere over and above most of this type of stuff. This is a tough one to grade because of what I mentioned above, unoriginal, goofy, yet dark and atmospheric at times. I’ll give it a C+, just be warned it is low budget 50s sci-fi stuff.
Hell Night (1981)- The slasher genre, born in 1960 with Hitch’s "Psycho" and hitting puberty in 1974 with Clark’s "Black Christmas", graduated in 1978 with Carpenter’s "Halloween", which did for slashers what "Night of the Living Dead" did for zombies. Hell Night falls neatly into that high school/college kids in trouble slasher cliché that got so huge in the 80s. Despite the obvious comparisons to other flicks and the predictable plot and outcome, this is actually a fairly effective story. Not a lot of gore for gorehounds but there is some good suspense, atmosphere, directing, and acting (albeit a little over the top at times). 2 sorority and 2 fraternity pledges have to spend the night in an old mansion where a father reputedly killed his whole family, which apparently consisted of deformed kids, and then killed himself. When the police arrived they only found 3 of the 6 bodies, and a note detailing what had happened. Could survivors still be living in the house? Anyway, the kids get set to spend the night while other members attempt to scare them and they start dying off. Is everything that is happening practical jokes? Are any of the kids actually the murderer? Like I said, there isn’t much new here and over all it’s pretty predictable, but there is some good acting, suspense, and location. Suspend a little belief and have an 80s flashback. B.
Hell of the Living Dead (1980)- A classic masterpiece of total EuroTrash, I would even cal it Ed Woodian in scope. A corporation leaks a gas from one of its third world factories and soon zombies are roaming all around. A SWAT team is dispatched to clean things up (A SWAT team? That makes no sense, where did they get an idea like that... oh yeah, "Dawn of the Dead"). Throw in TONS of stock footage that doesn’t fit, totally inane dialogue, the poorest excuse for tit shots in cinema history, and bad zombie makeup and you’re in for a ride down Craptacular Lane. This flick is hilariously bad and a must see of zombie film lovers. It unapologetically rips off "Dawn of the Dead" (Argento’s cut with The Goblin soundtrack) throughout and moves steadily from one train wreck to another. Watch as a rat attacks a factory worker and his co-worker stands by and watches. Watch as terrorists kidnap folks and are then brutally murdered by the SWAT team who yell "Drop your weapons" then open fire before giving them a chance to comply. Watch as said SWAT team is dropped into the jungle (well, what passes for a jungle) and are apparently given no orders, directions, or transportation once there. Watch as a female reporter whips her tits out to prove she lived with natives, then jogs down a road with the SWAT team right behind her in a Jeep. Watch as archival footage of a tribal funeral ceremony is poorly edited into the movie, along with slo-mo shots of monkeys and birds. Watch as the SWAT team uses their guns as baseball bats rather than as, well, guns. Watch as a SWAT team member, while looking for zombies, puts on a little tutu and top hat and dances around. Watch as the SWAT team escapes in their Land Rover, but not fast enough to get away from stumbling zombies. And finally, watch as the survivors make it to the factory and then seemingly forget there are zombies everywhere. Every cliché imaginable is crammed into this one movie, and don’t let people tell you the gore is good. Oh yeah, there’s lots of it, and if quantity defines quality then they are right, but when someone gets bit on the leg, intestines don’t come poring out. A+ on the craptacular scale. They don’t get any better/worse than this.
Hellraiser (1987)- One of my favorites and a pretty original movie to boot. A man and his frigid wife are moving into a new house. The man’s brother is a bad seed (and he had an affair with the man’s wife back in the day) who travels around the world, basically looking for trouble. He finds it in the form of a cube, which is supposed to basically make all your dreams come true by, more or less, amplifying to extreme proportions anything that you find pleasure in. The brother’s experiments have gone badly and he’s basically all but totally physically destroyed. A little spilled blood begins the process of rebuilding him (literally) and his sister-in-law’s desire for him makes her ensure he’ll get the blood he needs to finish the process. The problem is the cynobites, who control the cube that did this to him in the first place, aren’t pleased to learn he his coming back to the physical world and the cube may be in use again. This is a very effective movie, based on a very effective book. Although the sequels do eventually stray into the ‘silly’, this one plays it straight and has you believing such things may be possible. A.
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1990)- "Portrait" is indeed the perfect name for this one. It is a look at the world of a serial killer. There is no real plot as much as we just follow along as Henry lives his life while ending other’s lives and brings his old cell mate along. We think Henry killed his whore mother as well but he seems to always get his story mixed up so we aren’t too sure what to believe, as it should be in a film like this. We’re as subject to Henry’s whims as the other characters, Henry’s roommate and roommate’s sister are. We know Henry has no emotion, except distaste for any intimacy at all, and we know Henry isn’t really worried about getting caught. He figures if he uses a different murder weapon each time the cops will never figure out it is a serial killer, plus he moves around some. This is simply a dark and at times ferocious look at the life of a serial killer. We don’t get too much under the hood, we know a little about his past and the past of those around him but this isn’t a psychological portrait, it’s just a look at what is going on in Henry’s life at this given time. The film reminds me a lot of "Driller Killer" but without the long and pointless parts. I liked this film a lot. A.
Hide and Seek (2005)- De Niro in a suspense thriller, another 'Must be good", and another "nope". De Niro's wife recently committed suicide and his daughter isn't handling it so well (and neither is he really). They both need to get away for awhile, so they do. His daughter keeps talking about her imaginary friend, and when this imaginary friend starts actually doing things others can see, well then, we have a real problem. Terrible twist ending that, all things being equal, couldn't have happened to begin with. Now I don't mind twist ending that don't add up in horror that doesn't take itself too seriously but this flick takes itself very seriously, and loses. I am going to have to break down and give this an F. I hate to do that to Bobby D but this thing sucked.
Hideaway (1995)- I’ve read some good reviews of this movie, and I have to wonder, what the Hell were those people thinking? This movie is crap, from the cheesy 90s ‘look what we can do with computers now’ not so special effects to the tired plot of someone after medical work being able to see what a killer is going to do. In this one Jeff Goldblum is killed in a car wreck (in a hilariously staged scene where the car teeters on the edge of a hill at an exact spot where there is apparently a path wide enough for the car to not be stopped by the trees on either side, and while the hill isn’t so steep that the car will actually flip it is apparently too steep for the brakes to stop the car.) Anyway, Goldblum is dead for a couple of hours but revived by some genius doctor despite what happened ‘last time’. Now he can see what a serial killer is up to and the killer realizes what is happening so he targets Goldblum’s daughter. There’s a good plan. I guess that killer never saw any horror movies. Then the ‘twist’, which we can see for miles, finally rolls around. This is just basically senseless crap but it is fun to rip on, but not fun enough to be craptacular. F.
Hills Have Eyes, The (1977)- Wes Craven liked to explore the "Lord of the Flies" theme of normal people becoming savages in the face of impossible circumstances. He explored a normal family's reaction to the rape and killing of their daughter in "The Last House on the Left" and here he explores a normal family's reaction to being hunted by cannibals in the desert of the American Southwest. A retired cop, his wife, 2 daughters, son, son-in-law, and granddaughter are heading for California on their 25th anniversary. They want to explore an old silver mine since it is their silver anniversary. They are warned to stay out of that section of desert but they, of course, don't head the local's warning and end up wrecking the car and getting stranded. This movie has a 'real' feel to it, no action heroes, just normal people in terrible circumstances as they are hunted and killed by deformed mutants that live in a cave in the desert. We get their history from the old man who warned the family and all Hell breaks lose. This is a raw movie that plays on our base emotions of family and care for children, which the mutants don't feel, but do understand as the father of the mutants knows they are in trouble when they don't get the entire family on the first try. Well directed and acted and believable this is a cult classic for good reason (but rides a little too comfortable on Texas Chainsaw's coattails). A.
Hills Have Eyes, The (2006)- Writers and directors have basically two options when they do a remake, change little or nothing ("Night of the Living Dead") or change a lot ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre"). Here very little was changed so I have to ask, "Why bother?" The plot is pretty much exactly the same with a few minor changes. For instance the family isn't warned not to go into the desert by the gas station attended and is in fact told to take the side road. The family is very dysfunctional and annoying with the right wing gun toting ex cop father, nagging uptight mother, nerdy Democrat son-in-law, and two smart assed spoiled kids. This works against the movie at first as you kind of want these people to die but, whether done on purpose I don't know, it ends up working in favor of the characters as we see that they genuinely do care for one another as the proverbial shit begins hitting the fan. So why remake this film? I guess to get in jabs at the government (nuclear experiments created the mutants, and while this is hinted at in the original, it is stated in that one that the father of the mutants was born before nuclear testing was taking place), and to kill off the anti-gun control Republican cop (who's body is found with an American flag stuck in his head while one of the mutants sings the national anthem) and to prove that gun control Democrats can fight back too, after they steal someone else's guns I guess. Still, this movie does work, it's great subject material, my only real complaints are the mutants are, of course, too far over the top, taking this out of the realm of something that you fear may actually happen and into the 'suspend belief' category, which the first one avoided in my opinion, and the never ending end. Why do modern horror movies insist on so many psuedo-endings? If I ever find myself chased by monsters when I get them down I am going to decapitate them and chop them to pieces, other wise they WILL get back up and chase you again. B+
Hollow, The (2004)- I was going to start my review by saying that this wasn’t a very original flick, but any movie based on "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" is bound to be a little derivative! A guy moves his family to Sleepy Hollow as he’s the new football coach. His son doesn’t want to play football, instead he wants to be on the fencing team and do stuff in drama class (what a pussy!). The little cheerleader likes him anyway, and her boyfriend is the captain to the football team. Tensions mount... Sort of. The family also happens to be direct descendants of Ichabod Crane and that makes the ghost of the headless horseman pissed! He comes back to exact some revenge. Can the new kid save the day? Maybe, with the help of the nutball caretaker of the local cemetery who still talks like they did back in the day. I think this movie was aimed more at junior high kids so keeping that in mind it’s not all that bad. Over the top stereotypical characters make it easy as to whom you should sympathize with and who’s going to find redemption. It’s simple and if there’s nothing else on then you might want to catch it, otherwise forget it. C-.
Horror Express (1973)- Lee and Cushing together again, this time in a Spanish production set on a Russian train leaving China for France in 1909. The copy I have isn't so good. The picture is dark, the color and sound bad. Still I enjoyed the movie. Lee is a smug archeologist who believes he has found the 'missing link' between man and ape. Cushing is a somewhat jealous compatriot who wants to know what Lee is up to. Lee loads his find into a big crate and gets on the train with Cushing and several other colorful characters. Chaos ensues as the missing link turns out to be alive and thirsting for ... knowledge? Find the movie and watch it to find out what I mean. Over-all effective movie, especially the blind zombies at the end, stick some zombies in a movie and it'll almost always bump its grade a letter. Basically it's 'The Thing' on a train. Or maybe better "The Creeping Flesh" which came out the same year and also stared Cushing and Lee. Solid B.
Horror Hotel (1960)- More or less forgotten movie that would play an influence on many movies to follow including "Psycho", "Night of the Living Dead", and "Carnival of Souls". Christopher Lee is a professor studying witchcraft. He convinces a student of his to go to an old New England village to do some research. The few inhabitants are strange and the hotel she stays at is very creepy. Some effective scenes and good acting follow as a coven of witches runs the town. This is a classic made by Hammer Studio's biggest competitor of the day Amalgamated. A.
Horror of Dracula, The (1958)- By modern horror movie standards this is a slow mover but remove genre tags and look at this as just the telling of a story (which we should do with all movies anyway), and I think you have a really good one. Apart from the battle between Dr. Van Helsing and Dracula (good and evil) this movie follows little of Stoker's original novel. It's not a retelling but a rewriting of it and it comes across as being a very original and fresh interpretation of the story. Jonathan Harker goes to Castle Dracula as a librarian, there to sort and check Count Dracula's massive collection of books, or so we are told. We soon realize that Harker is undercover and knows who, or what, Dracula really is. When his plans go awry and Dracula begins looking for revenge, Dr. Van Helsing enters the fray. This was one of Hammer's early horror movies and it again showcases the great Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing who were both on their way to horror movie infamy. Hammer proved that you could have a great story, great direction, great sets, and great acting, all on a budget. A-.
Horror of Frankenstein, The (1970)- Hammer was trying to restart the Frankenstein series here with a new Frankenstein, a new monster, and a new approach. The camp was quite a bit higher in this one and Frankenstein was a young rebel who liked to surround himself with pretty girls, and wasn’t above getting them ‘in trouble’. He was also a single minded brilliant sadist/scientist. His father refuses to allow him to go to university, so he kills his father and heads off to school, where he gets in some trouble, but also learns enough to move back home and continue his anatomy experiments. Paying highly for fresh body parts from the local grave robber, shacking up with the help, and trying to stay above the slowly building pile of bodies is how he fills his time until he eventually makes his monster, complete with damaged brain (remember Whale’s original?), an almost uncontrollable Hulk-like beast. This is a fun take on the story and kept me interested. It is a tad slow moving at times and we don’t really get a monster until the end and when he does arrive there’s not much development there. Still, the good acting, camp, and black humor worked for me as did the almost goofy ending. B+
Host, The (2006)- Korean horror/monster movie with lots of underlying symbolism. The destruction of and the strength of the family (the family in the film are distant in the beginning, torn further apart by the events of the film, and eventual realize they need each other to succeed), modern pressures and varying ideas of ‘success’ (the brother with the college degree is unemployed, the ‘dumb’ brother is employed at the food stand but seems happy, the sister is a bronze medalist who can not seem to reach gold), and mistrust of the government (who is really more dangerous the monster or the military and government?) are probably the main themes. And of course, all of that is played out in a movie about a monster created by Americans dumping chemicals into the river (that much of the story is true) reeking havoc. It revolves around a family that runs a food stand on the river. A man, his adult son, and his granddaughter run the stand. A huge monster emerges from the river one day and winds up taking the granddaughter away. We find out the granddaughter is still alive and being kept in a large sewer by the monster, now the man and his family must escape from the inept government facility where they are being kept and save the girl. This is a very well made movie with great acting and special effects that are very well done. It has a strange mix of very serious moments thrown in with odd, almost slapstick comedy elements (at one point the family is so distressed about loosing the little girl they become overwhelmed with emotion, slowly building from a crying to over the top wailing and rolling on the floor, only to be photographed by journalists in their moment of no self control, another comment on society). I’m going to give this one an A+, like the best of cats like Romero, this one is able to present a good, well done story, and give a snapshot of modern life at the same time, without being over bearing about it.
House By The Cemetery (1981)- The third in Fulci’s not-tied-together zombie trilogy. What do you get with a Luciano Fulci film? You get atmosphere, creative camera angles and shots, gore galore, and did I mention atmosphere? You also get bad acting, bad dubbing, and virtually no coherent narrative plot. So if you want storyline with your horror, leave Fulci at the door, if you want atmosphere and gore, then check this one out. A family moves into an old house by a cemetery so the father can continue the research of his predecessor who committed suicide. The couple’s incredibly annoying and poorly dubbed son keeps seeing and talking to a little girl, who may or may not be a ghost, and who warns him about moving into the house. They move to the town, a place the father may or may not have been before, and hire a babysitter who may or may not be in on some sinister plot or something like that. Then the zombified remains of the crazy doctor that lived in the house back in the day starts killing people off in gruesome and slow ways. We end with a typical Fulci circular logic ending and wonder to ourselves "What?" I’ll give this one a B because I like Fulci’s direction and vision, but don’t expect great acting, dubbing, or a story that makes much sense. This is only a step or two away from "Eraserhead".
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)- Rob Zombie of White Zombie went solo, then became a movie director, usually that's not a good thing in my opinion but here? "House of 1000 Corpses" is a very well done movie with some of the best atmosphere I've seen in a newer movie. It has a very palpable sense of dread and disgust as a group of kids set out to find rural legends in the Texas countryside. They find what they are looking for in the weirdest family since Leatherface and grandpa in the Chainsaw Massacre. Which leads me to the only real problem I have with this movie. It is very unoriginal and basically a remake of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" with a slightly over the top conclusion. Still, it works on that visceral base level like good horror movies should. I'd give it an A+ but I have to dock it a little in the originality department. A
House of Dark Shadows (1970)- This movie was based on a horror 'soap opera' and has that 'made for TV' feel. A vampire is resurrected and comes across the reincarnation of his lost love. Not too original. Still, there are some effective moments as the vampire plays like he is his own decedent to fool his real decedents. Some nice atmosphere is created too as vampires begin appearing. Over all this isn't great but it is far from terrible. B-.
House of Dracula (1945)- Let's see. Genius doctor thinks he can help all the Monsters (Dracula, the Wolfman, Frankenstein's Monster). He comes up with a plan, implements said plan, and things go awry. So much for Universal's continuity. I was wondering how they'd get around some of the events from "House of Frankenstein", they must have wondered to because they didn't bother trying. Having said all that, this flick was actually fairly strong. John Carradine returns as Dracula and has a good performance, Lon Chaney Jr. is again the Wolfman and is his usual 'not bad not great' self. Glenn Strange returns as the Monster. He must not have been good because the two times he plays the Monster he only shows up in the last 2 or 3 minutes to reek a little havoc. Still, over all not a bad ending for the classic Universal Monsters (although they would later appear in the lamentable "Abbott and Costello Meet..." series). C+.
House of Exorcism (1973)- Bava’s "Lisa and the Devil" flopped. "The Exorcist" came out and was a huge hit. What could the Italians do? They could reedit "Lisa and the Devil" into a story about a possessed tourist. So, they took the scenes from "Lisa..." and added in a new back story about the main character being possessed and telling the goings on back at the castle to a priest. Sound pretty weak? Yeah, it is pretty weak. The exorcist scenes are very lame and I felt sorry for the actors trying like hell to take it all seriously, they had to work pretty hard to keep from laughing. The, for lack of a better word, elegance of Bava’s original is totally lost in this one. Stick with "Lisa and the Devil" of you’re inclined to ‘artier’ Euro-horror and check this out only if you’re curious for a comparison. D-
House of Frankenstein (1944)- Universal Horror was fast becoming a caricature of itself by this point. Formula plots, silly excuses to bring the monsters back, and working in characters from the other franchises. And yet, at least for fans of the studios horror films, it works on some level. Boris Karloff returns not as the Monster, but as a mad scientist bent on continuing Dr. Frankenstein's work, and of course getting in some revenge along the way. A nice idea having Karloff resurrect the monster and some nice irony at the end. The actors took the material serious enough to make it work and the plot moves along nicely. The lab scenes were a little disappointing after the great lab scene from "Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman." Another thing about these Universal Monster movies is the attention to continuity they observe. All the details from the previous movies are there and worked in (except one example, at the end of "The Ghost of Frankenstein", the monster becomes blind, and he's blind in "Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman", however here he isn't). Other than that, for the most part each movie picks right up where the last one left off. Glenn Strange plays the Monster in this film and, although I'm not sure, it seems Herman Munster may have been fashioned from his version. It deserves a D+ but I'll give this one a C+ because I liked Karloff's character.
House of the Damned (1963)- Atmospheric little quickie about an architect and his wife who are hired to look into what it would take to remodel an old castle in the Hollywood Hills once owned by an insane millionaire who still lives in a nearby asylum. As soon as the couple arrive strange things begin to happen, the house, or someone in it doesn’t want them to find the secrets the house holds. The couple, along with the attorney who hired them and his wife, search for answers and then, very suddenly, find all the answers and the movie ends. For a low budget filler this movie is very well done with some interesting cinematography and ideas and great sets in the old mansion, but the ending just rolls up and boom it’s over. I guess they ran out of money or time and just decided to end it right there. I’ll give it a B since it kept my interest until the disappointing ending.
House of the Dead (1978)- Another one of those movies that are really an excuse to do some film shorts and tie them all together. A mortician telling 'interesting' stories about the people in his funeral home and how they met their demise ties them together. Seriously man, if you're going to make a movie like this make sure the stories have some sort of twist to them. You can't just film lame half thought out ideas. Anyway, story one is about a grade school teacher who hates kids so kids with bad teeth kill her. Story two involves a guy that films himself killing women and then gets busted and apparently executed. Next up is a story about two great detectives competing to be the greatest detective. They wind up killing each other in their quest. Finally we get a story about a guy who's real busy and won't help bums so he is trapped in an elevator shaft by someone and given nothing but liquor to drink and then released some time later as a bum and then I guess dies and winds up in the funeral home. Of course then the final coffin is empty and that is for (GASP PLOT SPOILER) the guy the mortician is talking to. Didn't see that one coming 5 minutes into the movie. I like to give these low budget flicks the benefit of the doubt but they have to at least try and make something good. Anyway, story 1, 2, 3, 4 all get Fs which averages to F.
House of the Dead (2003)- House of the Dumb. This is one of the worst, most predictable horror movies I've seen in a long time. "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" meets "Return of the Living Dead III". Kids want to party on an island. Crusty old guys warn them to stay away from the island. Crusty old guys take them to the island. Everyone gets trapped. Death, mystery, and mayhem ensue. Some of the worst acting and writing ever and the rottenest generic action scenes on film. Not to mention terrible video game segues. The fun part? The editing. Sometimes its raining, then it's not, then it is. Sometimes a character might be carrying a pistol, then a shotgun, and then a pistol. MSTK3000 time. F-
House of Wax (1953)- More or less a total remake of "Mystery of the Wax Museum". Vincent Price plays Atwell's part and there is no smart-assed reporter. I think this version works a little better than the original. Again the sets are great and Price plays his part incredibly well. Charles Bronson is also in it, but he's young and doesn't have that crustache yet. Plot-wise it is identical to the original and some of the scenes are even exactly the same. Also, it was originally in 3-D so there are scenes where things are thrown or fall at the camera. B+.
House on Haunted Hill, The (1959)- Vincent Price's wife wants a party, so he throws her one in a big ol' scary house. He's wealthy and she wants him dead. He's wealthy and he wants her dead. It's an interesting dynamic that they pull off really well. This is a great movie pulled off admirably by the great William Castle, a 50's icon of horror schlock. Are the things happening in the house because of Price or because the house is haunted, or both? Very well done, although the twist ending doesn't really hold up if you think back to everything that went down, plus the voice over at the very end by the owner of the house seems oblivious to what actually happened at the end. Get past these weaknesses and you have a great suspense yarn. B+.
Howling, The (1981)- Classic werewolf flick with a nice mix of horror, gore, special effects, and some camp humor for good measure. A reporter has been contacted by a serial killer to do an interview, she agrees to his conditions, problem is he’s not a normal serial killer; he is in fact a werewolf. She is attacked, he is shot, and a psychologist suggests she go to his retreat to help her forget. Of course the psychologist knows all about werewolves and has actually been working with them to try and help them assimilate, with less than great results. This is a well done flick that doesn’t take itself too seriously (although it doesn’t go to ‘comedy’ lengths like "An American Werewolf in London") and had some cutting edge werewolf transformation scenes (yeah, a couple of them are obviously cartoons but the actual transformation scenes, for 1981, were very cutting edge, and still hold up well today). It’s an old story told in a new original way and gets a pretty strong A.
Hunchback of Notre Dame, The (1923)- This was one of the first ‘big budget’ flicks and you can tell, for its time, it was quite an extravaganza, with impressive sets and costumes. You know the story, hunchback lives in the church as a servant, is held in contempt by the town’s folk, is used for nefarious deeds by the brother of the deacon of the church, is punished, and treated nicely by Esmeralda, then comes to Esmeralda’s rescue when she is framed as all Hell brakes loose. I see why people rate this one really high but I have to admit I had problems getting into it. It was a little too long and tedious at times, although Chaney was brilliant as the hunchback. For completists only. B-
Hunchback of Notre Dame, The (1939)- This remake of the silent classic has a more sympathetic cast, especially the hunchback. Chaney’s Hunchback struck me as being on the edge of rage, as well as being pretty hideous. Laughton’s Hunchback is kind of pitiful, a misunderstood simpleton who’s ugly but not really hideous (it’s no coincidence Disney’s cartoon Hunchback was based on this version’s makeup). Although neither of these is, strictly speaking, horror, of these two versions, this one is less ‘horror’ than Chaney’s. You know the story; Hunchback lives in cathedral as the bell ringer and servant to the bishop’s brother. The bishop falls for a gypsy girl, can’t have her, has the hunchback try and kidnap her, backfires, she is kind to the hunchback, hunchback saves the gypsy girl when she is framed, then saves the cathedral when it is attacked by the townsfolk. This version is more detailed than the silent version, as should be expected, and is a really good production, another big budget flick for the times. For the most part I liked it, a little slow at times, some old school over acting and too many melodramatic soliloquies, which were often par for the course in these types of flicks in that era but if you like the old school classics then this is a must see. A
Hunger, The (1983)- This story is about an ancient vampire lady who throughout history has turned people into vampires to keep as companions, at some point they begin to age rapidly and she puts them in coffins to spend the rest of eternity awake, but too feeble to do much of anything. David Bowie is her companion and he doesn’t want to give up his youth so he visits a doctor studying aging, too late for Bowie but the doctor becomes entangled in the vampire lady’s web (complete with lesbian scenes for those of you into those). This flick ‘looks’ real good. Real artsy, pretty much ahead of its time, other than some fashion it really doesn’t feel like an 80s horror flick, it holds up really well, but it also feels really slow moving at times. If you like long, slow panning camera shots and lots of chamber music mixed in with a gothic vampire tale then you will dig this, but if you prefer action over art you better skip this. I fall somewhere in the middle so I will give it a B-.
Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte (1964)- This was planned as another vehicle to get Joan Crawford and Bette Davis to work together again after the sleeper success of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane", but Joan Crawford dropped out of the project at the last minute and was replaced with Olivia DeHavilland. In the prologue we are introduced to Charlotte's father who is pretty angry about something. We soon find out Charlotte is having an affair with a married man and the two of them plan on eloping. Her father puts a stop to it and warns the man to break it off. He does so and winds up dead, his headless body found by Charlotte (or did she just 'find' him?) We jump ahead roughly 40 years and find Charlotte living alone in her mansion, only her guilt and her white trash maid to keep her company (and the fact she hasn't spent any of her sizable inheritance). She's trying to stop the great state of Louisiana from tearing down her house and dozing her property to build a road and bridge. The locals figure her father's wealth saved her from prosecution all those years ago. It's also common knowledge that she's bat shit insane... Or is she? She contacts her long lost cousin to help her stop the demolition of her house but her cousin just insists on helping her pack and accepting the inevitable. Twists and turns that would make Hitchcock proud abound in this murder mystery. The photography and acting and great as is the story. I can usually figure these movies out but every time I thought I had it figured out I turned out wrong (except one major piece of the puzzle which I did have right). Bette Davis is great but the movie itself isn't quite as good as "...Baby Jane". A
I Am Legend (2007)- Yet another interpretation of Matheson’s novella joining "The Last Man On Earth", "The Omega Man", Romero’s Living Dead films (more or less), "28 Days Later", "Blade" (sort of) and probably some others I am forgetting about. It proves what a ripe idea his book was to begin with: a virus turns people into vampire like creatures and one man who is immune fights them. That is the basic gist. Here we have Will Smith as Legend, capturing the creatures by day, hoping to find a cure for them as he races around an otherwise completely empty New York City. Many of the effects are great, including the look and feel of the dead city and Smith’s acting carries the film. I was leery about him playing the part when I first heard about it but I must say he is perfect for the role, with a very believable range of emotion you can’t help but feel for him as he slips near insanity from loneliness and a feeling of responsibility for not being able to stop the virus in time (he is a military scientist assigned to find a cure). We get an overview of what happened (a genetically mutated measles virus was released as a cure for cancer), and brief glimpses of New York falling apart, but like "28 Days Later", not much time is spent in the past. This is really a very effective interpretation of the book and I liked it quite a bit. I have two complaints: The CGI vampire creatures leave quite a bit to be desired and give an otherwise intense flick an almost comic book feel when they are around. CGI works for Spider Man movies but here I think it would’ve been a lot more intense had the creatures been batshit insane humans (and I won’t even bother with the CGI vampire dogs, they almost lost me there). And second we miss the relationship between Neville and the vampires. That is part of the appeal of the book, the vampires pounding on Neville’s door, taunting him, and calling him, some of them his friends (and even his wife). The creatures are much more distant and not human enough here, even though we know his assessment of them as having lost all of their humanity is proven wrong, the reason for their attacks on him are only hinted at (he is Legend, who travels by day, killing their kind). All in all I liked this one a lot, a couple of weak spots hurt its final grade but don’t let that deter you if you like these apocalypse type flicks like me. A-.
I Bury The Living (1958)- This is a tight and surprisingly well done little flick about a man who discovers that by placing black pins in the map of the cemetery, whoever owns that plot will die. He goes a little crazy with that thought and people keep testing him to prove he is wrong with predictable results. The movie actually has a little 'artsy' flair to it I did not expect and the whole thing looked and felt like a good Twilight Zone episode, so if you like the old Twilight Zone you should like this. My only complaint is the twist ending didn't really add up, I wasn't really disappointed but I wasn't impressed either. B+.
I Confess (1953)- Interesting (non-horror, sorry) Hitchcock flick about a priest who is confessed to by a murderer, and, as Hitchcock film luck would have it, the priest, through a series of coincidences, is accused of the murder. The plot on the surface could seem a little convoluted but Hitch breaks it down step by step as we move through the movie. As is typical of Hitch we know from the start who the murderer is, Hitch rarely did ‘mysteries’, instead suspense is built by the conclusions drawn by the detectives as they piece together the story of the murder and find an apparent motive and by the continued contact the priest has with the murderer and his wife who live and work at the rectory. The film is full of obvious symbolism and plays on the martyrdom of the priest who steadfastly sticks to his vows. Although never as popular as many of his other films, this one holds up pretty well. A.
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)- I went into this one looking for a good laugh and maybe a chance for some of the ol’ MST3K treatment. After all, it has a dumb name ("Hey yo terminator man, meet the G that killed me") and it stars Lindsey Lohan. But in the end it really wasn’t that bad. An OK story about a serial killer who kidnaps girls and amputates their body parts, then dumps them somewhere (the police believe he dumps them when they are near death so he doesn’t actually kill them, so he’s not technically a serial killer). Lindsey is kidnapped, parts are amputated, and then she is found lying by the side of the highway... or is she. She insists that her name is Dakota and she isn’t one of the rich folks in North Salem. Is it post traumatic stress, or is something else going on? No it’s not real plausible, the twist at the end isn’t exactly hard to see coming, and the constant slow motion, color saturated photography gets old, but when it is all said and done it is a good enough story well enough done to keep your interest. B-.
I Walked With a Zombie (1943)- Very effective and atmospheric tale about a woman who is acting very strangely (actually the whole family is a little off its rocker) and may in fact have been zombified. A nurse comes to the island to help her and a love triangle starts, or is it a love square. This movie purposely avoids judging the zombie angle and the whole thing works really well in a subtle suspense horror way. It starts on a ship and a woman observing how beautiful dolphins are jumping in the ocean. A man remarks that they fear for their lives and that's why they are jumping. It's all down hill for the characters from there. Very dark and there are some creepy Voodoo ceremony scenes. Val Lewton produced and his RKO Productions would save the horror genre from inept no-budget quickies and the "Curse of the Sequels" suffered by the small indie studios and Universal respectively. A+.
In The Mouth of Madness (1994)- This is considered the last in John Carpenter’s ‘Apocalypse Trilogy’, which were 3 unrelated films "The Thing", "Prince of Darkness" and this one. Here he pays an obvious tribute to the great horror/fantasy/sci-fi writer HP Lovecraft, although the movie isn’t based on any particular Lovecraft story, just an overview of his style and ideas. In this one we have an insurance investigator who is looking into the disappearance of a famous horror writer, Sutter Cane, who has disappeared just before the release of his new book. He believes it is a just a publicity stunt and it turns out he’s half right. But the ‘half wrong’ drives him insane and may just spell the end of the world as he goes to great lengths to find the author, and may in fact actually be in one of his stories. The line between reality and fantasy is blurred to great effect and this flick just works on a lot of levels. It is far fetched in a Twilight Zone/Lovecraft sort of way and that works for me. A.
Incredible Shrinking Man, The (1957)- Goofy 50s sci-fi garbage? Not when Richard Matheson's writing. Yeah it has a definite 50s feel but it still works. A guy is out on his boat when it drifts through a weird fog that leaves him covered in glitter. Shortly thereafter his clothes no longer seem to fit. After awhile it becomes obvious, he's getting smaller... and smaller... and smaller. Mr. Drysdale's goofy sci-fi explanations aside, the rest of this movie is pretty good. The FX are impressive (considering the times) as the shrinking man lives in a doll house, fights his cat, a spider, cardboard boxes, and a leaky hot water heater, and the acting is believable throughout. The un50s-like psuedo-religious ending surprised me, even though it was kind of weak. Strong B+.
Indestructible Man, The (1956)- A worn out looking Lon Chaney Jr. stumbles through this craptacular mess in a nether world between Frankenstein’s Monster and Mad Max. Lon is a bad man, or was a bad man. He stole $600,000 and hid it away, then was framed by his lawyer, but even on death row wouldn’t tell where the money was hidden, but he does promise to get revenge, and, in a quirky twist of fate, is accidentally brought back to life by a couple of scientists experimenting on his cadaver. He can’t talk, but we know he’s incredibly pissed off by the close ups of his twitching eyes... Or maybe that’s just those pesky delirium tremens. Anyway, we’re subjected to the noir voice over of the detective on the case as Lon makes his way from San Francisco to Los Angeles to exact said revenge and get his money back too. His plan isn’t all that great by the way, if he even really has one. This is pretty typical revenge flick material not unlike Chaney Sr’s. "The Unknown" and "West of Zanzibar" and very similar to Karloff's "Walking Dead" or later flicks like the aforementioned "Mad Max", except those movies were good. This is a train wreck definitely worth a viewing for the lovers of the craptacular. I’m giving this one an A on the craptacular scale, I might have given it a B+ but that back and forth between the detective and the stripper is just too good. Stripper: "Do you have a first name?" Cop: "Dick." Stripper: "Oh, then I guess it’s a date." And at the end; Cop to stripper: "I just got you fired." Check it out to see why!
Infection (2004)- A Japanese horror flick. I've been hearing a lot of good things about what's been happening in Japanese horror for the last several years so I am trying to find some of them to share reviews. This was my first 'real' Japanese horror flick (not counting Godzilla movies and American remakes). Anyway, the plot is sort of like "The Grudge". Some doctors and nurses let a patient die and then apparently become cursed, or 'infected' with guilt. It's pretty effective and builds up some nice suspense with some pretty good payoffs. The atmosphere is great too in the dark and dirty hospital as it becomes contaminated with their guilt (I guess it's how they see their environment). Anyway, I dug it for the most part but the very end didn't make a lot of sense to me, maybe I missed something. B-.
Inferno (1980)- Argento’s sort of sequel to "Suspiria". Apparently the Suspiria witch wasn’t the only one, there are two more, and this one revolves around the second... I guess. There really is no coherent plot. A woman stumbles across a book about the 3 witches, they apparently had an architect build them each a building in different countries, from which they will rule the world. This lady realizes she lives in one of the buildings, she calls her brother who is studying music in Rome, and he rushes to help her and is tossed into a bizarre nightmare world of murder and witchcraft. This is a strange one and has a lot of bad acting in it to boot, but if you like movies that ‘look’ good, well then here you go. This is a beautifully filmed movie (I think that is the first time I’ve ever used that phrase, I will try and make it the last), the color saturation, the long shots of the maze like apartments, the exteriors and the use of the moon, clouds, and rain. Everything is based on a look and atmosphere, little or no time was spent on dialogue or story, and you can tell this was done on purpose. If you don’t mind sacrificing the narrative for the look, then this is for you, if you hate that approach I recommend you stay far far away! I liked this but wouldn’t say it was the masterpiece some say it is. If Argento is such a great director how come he can’t get good performances out of his actors? I know that’s not where he focuses his attention, but if the acting was just a little more believable this could’ve been amazing. A
Innocent Blood (1992)- A female vampire with a conscience uses bad guys for food. She always makes sure she finishes the job too so she's not out creating bad guy vampires. She decides to take on some mobsters but gets interrupted before she can finish the job on the mob boss, so now we have a gangster undead roaming around. She hooks up with a former undercover cop to stop what she started. This is a decent enough horror comedy, sort of a companion to "An American Werewolf in London". Some of the effects work some don't (the crazy eyes and voice changes the lady vampire go through are too over the top). It's a nice original plot. (Why didn't Hollywood think of this one back in the day? How great would Edward G. Robinson and James Cagney have been as vampire gangsters?) Don Rickles makes a great cameo as a lawyer for the mob boss. Don's great but some of the acting is terrible, sadly that of the main character almost ruins the movie. C+.
Innocents, The (1961)- This flick is based on Henry James' "Turn of the Screw" a long short story. I read "Turn of the Screw" one October and it is a pretty effective ghost story. I could see it turned into a good movie and, for the most part, that is achieved here. The story revolves around a new governess sent to care for orphans whose rich uncle has custody but really wants nothing to do with the kids and makes that very clear from the beginning. The governess begins to see and hear things in the huge mansion and on the property and it seems the kids may somehow be involved, or at least influenced by the things they saw when their previous governess was alive and having an affair with the valet (who is also dead). Simply put this is a psychological thriller set in the guise of a ghost story, however we are never really sure if the ghosts exist in reality, or only in the prudish virginal governess’ mind. There are so many undercurrents happening just below the surface you could write an entire essay on the meaning of it all. This movie predates "The Haunting" by a couple years and you can see where "The Haunting" borrowed quite a bit from a directing standpoint (camera angles, lighting, etc.) but the effect in "The Haunting" is better over-all. "The Others" was also very loosely based on "Turn of the Screw" and takes its name from a line in "The Innocents." This is a slow building unresolved ending ghost story, only those who like that approach need apply. On my second viewing of it I finally understood. A+
Invasion, The (2007)- We really didn’t need another take on "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers" but oh well. All in all this isn’t a bad flick, starts off suspenseful enough with the space shuttle crashing and a possible alien virus being found in the remains. People start acting weird and a psychiatrist starts to notice. Things slowly unravel, and then very quickly unravel and there are some interesting scenes. We slide into action adventure complete with car chases, explosions, and helicopters and then just like that it’s over. Yeah, it was a little anti-climactic at the end but I didn’t hate it PLOT SPOILER AHEAD! Recently a lot of these type of films have had the negative ending (the 70s version did too), this has the happy ‘Hollywood’ ending and I guess what I’m saying is that ain’t always bad. This one may be a little more realistic in its approach than the 50s version or the 70s version but over all I liked those two better, you’re best bet would be to do a Bodysnatcher weekend and catch all 3. B-
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)- Another allegory for the Red Scare of the 50's. Alien spores turn people into pods that spit out identical albeit alien twins of themselves. Damned Commies. Paranoia and fleeing ensues. Don't trust anyone! I love the paranoid feel movies like this invoke, when it works that is, and here is does work A-.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)- Hollywood felt it was time to remake the classic tale of suspense. The original was a nice metaphor for the Red Scare, not sure about this remake. There are some obvious religious cult over tones (Born Again) and also a look into how our modern lives are becoming devoid of emotion but metaphors aside is this good? Well the plot is basically the same except now we're in San Francisco. The alien pods hatch out their clones while the real people sleep, they look like the regular folks but there's just something not quite right. A nice feeling of paranoia is built up and the acting and directing work for the most part. And this one has a pretty classic ending that I still dig. There are some weaknesses such as the dog with human head clone, seriously man, that wasn't necessary, and the silly "We've been floating in space... riding the solar winds... we survive... we adapt..." speech. Why would these aliens feel compelled to explain themselves at all, especially when said explanation is a poorly written 70s sci-fi goofy speech. Still, weaknesses aside this is a classic. A-
Invisible Agent, The (1942)- Universal had an amazing stock of great characters, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Invisible Man, The Mummy, The Wolfman, and later The Creature from the Black Lagoon, yet, with a couple exceptions, they had no idea what to do with them and this is a perfect example, which, not coincidentally came out the same year as the first bad Frankenstein movie "The Ghost of Frankenstein" and a pretty bad Mummy movie "The Mummy's Tomb". Some German and Japanese agents ask the grandson of the inventor of the 'formula' what his price for the formula is and we're off to a really good start. He refuses to sell and then tells the US government who nicely ask him if he'd give them the formula. He says "No" he'd like to forget about it and the nice government man says "OK". Then the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor and the man changes his mind, as long as he is the only one that will be made invisible. So does he get injected and slowly loose his mind? Does he become evil like his grandfather and decide to try and take over the world himself? No, he does his job, falls in love with a double agent, and PLOT SPOILER (well not really) after a very successful mission with no side effects and a bright future with the German double agent, all is well, and a German attack has been diverted (imagine if they would've had the character go insane with megalomania and try and take over the world, splitting the WWII backdrop with a crazy invisible man, that could've been great). Pretty dumb stuff. Peter Lorre was good though, but they put glasses on him and made him play a "Jap". D.
Invisible Ghost, The (1941)- Another Bela Lugosi vehicle. This is a cheapy with some bad acting but Bela raises it up from mere mediocrity. He is actually very good and his acting and facial expressions are great. It's a rare Bela film where we get to see him actually act. He gets blamed for being hammy and staged but it was usually the directors and producers who wanted that side of him for the trash flicks he ended up in. When he played it straight, like here, he was a very good actor. Whatever you do, don't try and make too much sense of the plot though. Back in the day they didn't pay a lot of attention to the 'whys' and 'wheres' of a movie storyline. Just watch, suspend belief, and don't ask too many questions. Bela is a rich widow whose daughter is in love and almost engaged to a young man. There have been some murders on his property lately and the young man takes the rap, and is then executed. Of course we know that it's Bela doing the murders. His wife isn't actually dead; she's just insane and living on the property somewhere. She wonders out at night and when Bela sees her he goes into a rage and kills folks. He then 'wakes up' and doesn't remember anything that happened. It may seem I'm giving too much away but it is all revealed as you watch the film, there really are no surprises or twists. Basically I think this is a well-directed but poorly written movie. There are some interesting and creepy camera angles that predate films like "Night of the Living Dead" and "Carnival of Souls" but have that same feeling; a little (OK a lot) more time on rewrites and a little more imagination and this could've been a great movie. B-.
Invisible Invaders (1959)- It was the 50s and if it wasn't the commies trying to take over America then it was the aliens. Luckily we can learn, as a species, to work together, and, even more luckily, all invading aliens, no matter how advanced or invisible, always have one glaring weakness that will ruin their plans of invasion. These aliens are indeed invisible, but they take over the dead bodies of humans and stumble around in Romero zombie fashion until scientists find that fatal Achilles Heal. This is great 50s schlock complete with terrible effects and hilarious 50s sci-fi props so if you like that sort of thing you'll like this but if not stay away. One think you will notice is this film almost had to have been an influence on Romero and "Night of the Living Dead" as some scenes are very similar. C
Invisible Man, The (1933)- Claude Rains rants and raves about taking over the world and such because the serum he invented that made him invisible also drives men mad. James Whale directed this old school Universal Monster movie too. The FX are impressive for the times and the direction is more fluid and less 'staged' than many of the Universal Monster movies. Never the less much of the acting is really bad and the plot mirrors Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde very closely. The characters are flat and you never find yourself sympathizing with anyone in the movie. This may have been the first movie where the makers just assumed the FX would carry the show, they were as wrong then as they are now. C-.
Invisible Man Returns, The (1940)- A lot of reviews I've read talk about how great 'The Invisible Man' was. James Whale was a great director by that point, his exploration of megalomania was good, etc. I didn't like it though for reasons stated above. This movie more or less follows the first, but with a better storyline (the first really didn't have much of a story line). The original Invisible Man's brother gives his invisible-making serum to a friend who has been falsely accused of murder and is up for execution, he then easily escapes from prison. A young Vincent Price is the invisible man this time and plays the part with great restraint as he looks for evidence to clear his name and courts his fiancé all while invisible and trying to avoid that slipping into madness the serum eventually causes. Some of the acting is over the top and the camp works sometimes and doesn't at other times but over-all I thought this was a much more thought out story than the first one. A point to note, Price hadn't yet developed his 'horror movie persona' yet so don't expect to recognize his voice right off. B+.
Invisible Man's Revenge, The (1944)- Well now, if he wants revenge then maybe we're getting back to some edgier stuff like the "The Invisible Man" and "The Invisible Man Returns" and unlike the two pieces of crap that followed. And that's sort of what we get except the guy is crazy before becoming invisible. A guy has had amnesia for several years and when he remembers his past he realizes he was about to find a diamond mine in Africa when he became ill. He breaks out of a mental institution to get his part of the take from the diamond mine and believes that his partners at the time were responsible for his illness. They may have been and may still be willing to do what it takes to keep their money, what's left of it, or maybe not, that part of the plot is never really resolved. The effects in this movie are good for the times with the invisible man sometimes just being transparent rather than invisible and sometimes putting things like flour on his face so he can be seen. Still this movie pretty much sucks with a lame plot and it doesn't tie in with any of the other movies despite the main character's name being Griffon, but it was better than the previous two invisible movies. Now I can say I have seen all of Universal's big six monsters and the sequels too though. D+
Invisible Woman, The (1940)- There are probably many movies on my 'Horror' list that many think don't belong. They are too Sci-Fi, too 'Suspense', or not enough 'Horror' and I will debate that. But this movie is indefensible. It simply does not belong here and I apologize. I am a completist and I decided I wanted to see all the 'Big 6' Universal monster movies from back in the day and all the sequels (the 'Big 6' being Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, The Wolf Man, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon). So here it is, one of the sequels to "The Invisible Man". This movie however is a comedy. It is about a rich playboy who is now broke from chasing too many women and supporting a quack absent minded professor type. However the professor has just invented a machine that temporarily makes people invisible so everyone's money problems have been solved. But first he must test it on a volunteer. Enter a woman who is tired of her job and overbearing boss and has plans for when she becomes invisible (not really diabolical plans, just sort of Dickens "A Christmas Carol" type plans). Then mobsters find out about the machine and want to steal it. You can pretty much tell it was 1940 because the head mobster is German and has a Hitler haircut. Shemp Howard shows up as a mobster too. So we have invisible dress model, playboy, absent minded professor, playboy's slapstick butler, a Hitler mobster, and the 4th stooge. I like old school horror, gangster, drama, and suspense movies but I don't like old school comedies, unless they have Laurel and Hardy or WC Fields and this one has neither. It was watchable but barely. D-.
Invisible Ray, The (1936): Not bad not great early sci-fi flick about a loner scientist (Boris Karloff) who discovers how to 'view' past events by looking at 'rays' that have been traveling at light speed across space. With this evidence he pinpoints where to find a rare element from a meteorite that crashed into the earth "thousands of millions" of years ago. He finds the element but becomes contaminated. He glows in the dark and kills anything he touches. Luckily Bela Lugosi is the greatest astro chemist in the world and quickly finds an antidote. Boris must take it daily though and it may just drive him insane and make him want to kill those who stole his ideas and his wife. The acting is pretty good for such silly material. Nothing cool about the directing. It moves well for the most part but slows down during some of the 'love' sequences. Just your basic predictable old school sci-fi flick, middle C.
Isle of the Dead (1945)- I was stoked to see this Val Lewton flick, but then felt a little let down. Karloff is a general taking a break after a terrible battle has thinned his troops and weakened his lines. He heads to a small island where his wife is buried and is angered to find the tombs disturbed. He finds a cast of strange characters visiting the island for different reasons. Some live on the island and some are bound by old superstitions. When members of the group begin showing signs of a plague Karloff forbids them to leave. Science meets superstition as the debate between plague and wardaluck (vampire type creature) take front stage. Karloff is no nonsense but in the end is faced with the fact we all are powerless, even great generals, science or superstition. This was a good movie with good atmosphere and acting. It was suspenseful and moved along nicely. But in the end I just felt disappointed. I really am unsure why, I just never really got into it and the end was a little disappointing. C+.
Island Monster, The (1954)- This movie has "monster" in the title so it must be horror or sci-fi right? Wrong. It is (supposedly) a suspense thriller with ‘monster’ being used as a metaphor for a horrible person. Still, watching this one I was constantly reminded of the Japanese monster movies with the cardboard acting, horrible dubbing, unimaginative and frozen cinematography, and overly dramatic musical score. In the Japanese monster movies those things actually work in creating what I guess you could call ‘charm’, here they combine to make a rotten movie that moves at a snail’s pace. Boris Karloff is a kindly old doctor who runs a clinic for children on an Italian island, but it’s really a front for his drug cartel. An Italian officer is sent to the island to help the local police uncover the drug ring and confusion, terrible acting, and annoying dubbing ensue. The officer’s little girl’s trained dog is the highlight of this one. Sorry Boris, you flunk. F.
It (1990)- Made for TV Stephen King stuff. It was a miniseries but was later edited down to movie size. It is probably the 2nd best of the Stephen King made for TV shows ("Needful Things" being my favorite), which, in my opinion, isn't saying too much. But this one is actually really good until the very end, which is typical, and then I felt really let down. It's about, yup, people who do some stuff when they are young, memories linger, they go back home, etc. Stephen King has made a career out of 'variations on a theme'. Anyway, there was a serial killer of kids around the neighborhood when these people were young, but this killer was of the supernatural ilk. The flashbacks are very effective and a very palpable feeling of dread is created when that damn clown is around or when they kids see flashes of the supernatural like hearing the voice come from the sink. It is shot and acted really well and if it weren't for the lame ending would be a really good film. B+.
It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955)- Very typical entrant into the 50s giant monster sci-fi sub genre. A giant octopus is threatening ships at sea and heading toward San Francisco. The Navy and a couple of scientists are on the hunt and love triangle ensues, sort of. Not great stuff even for those that love this stuff like me, still, if you are into these flicks you need to see it for Harryhausen’s octopus (with 6 arms) destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge. C-
It Came From Outer Space (1953)- More 50s sci-fi but this time... Well. An amateur astronomer witnesses a meteor hit the earth... or is a meteor. Everyone thinks it is and they make fun of him, but of course, it's a ship. The ship has crash-landed on earth and its crew is frantically trying to get it repaired, or are they? Are they really taking over locals' bodies (including The Professor) in order to invade earth? Who cares? This movie was pretty hokey from start to finish but lacked that rottenness that leads to charm so I really didn't dig this one but I'll put a little 'plus' on there as it predated "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" but must have been a small influence on that classic. D+.
Jeepers Creepers (2001)- This is another ‘college kids in distress slasher flick’ but most stereotypes end there. A brother and sister are driving home across country and decide to take the back highways rather than the interstates. They see what they think is someone dumping bodies into a drainpipe, they go back to investigate and seal their own fates. Cat and mouse with an old muscle car, a beat up old delivery truck, and the thing driving it ensues as does tension and suspense. A well acted well directed story kind of in the vein of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but with a twist. It’s not all great and I got the feeling by the time we end up in the police station maybe the writers were out of ideas but it is still a strong movie and I liked it quite a bit. A-.
Ju-On (2004)- Remade in America as "The Grudge" I think this better translates as "The Curse", which is what this movie is about. A family dies a very violent death at the raging hands of the husband/father (he kills his wife, son, cat, and himself in the family house). Now anyone who sets foot in the house is cursed since the violent rage the family died in is left behind like a filthy residue. The movie starts with a social worker who is sent to the house to help a family with their elderly mother. The social worker finds the house a mess and the old lady in a catatonic state. She begins cleaning up and is pulled into the curse of the house. From there we are taken on a non-linear chapter like film that goes from person to person and their experience with the curse. I have to admit, that in my humble opinion this is a masterpiece. It has been years since I saw the American version and from what I remember they are very similar (I gave that an A) but something about this one just really hooked me. The use of shadow, the makeup, the sound effects, the out of focus backgrounds with the little boy, the close-ups of the murdered mother, etc. all come together for a great ‘ghost story’ flick. If you like nightmare inspiring ghost stories and you don’t mind the non-linear approach and the ‘Japanese’ ending possible SPOILER AERT (nothing is tied together too neatly, and if anything, you kind of get the feeling that maybe the curse is spreading) then this is a must see. A+
Kidnapped (1974)- Bava drops the black humor goes balls out violent in this flick about a pay roll heist that goes wrong. The criminals, surrounded by the cops, kidnap a woman, after killing her friend, and escape in her car, they then carjack another car, driven by a man who is taking his son to the hospital for emergency surgery. What follows is a very tense, well directed study of depravity and criminal mayhem, all of which almost exclusively takes place in the car. Some of the tension building scenes (the woman’s escape attempt, sexual depravity, the fender bender in the traffic jam, etc.) are brilliantly directed. Almost everything works, especially the twist ending, which to be honest I had pretty much figured out. Some of the acting goes a little over the top at times but other than that this one works very well. A
Kill Baby Kill (1966)- This is a strange murder mystery with a supernatural story. It has the look and feel of a Hammer film but at the end of the day ends up a little more stylistically directed by Bava. A doctor is called into a small village to perform an autopsy on a woman who it seems committed suicide but a police inspector thinks otherwise, and the scared locals won’t talk at all because they are afraid of a curse on the village. This is a very atmospheric horror film with little or no gore, as I said, like Hammer films of the same period, but Bava kicks it all up a notch with his use of camera angles and colors. An obvious influence on flicks by directors like Dario Argento. A strong A.
Killer Shrews, The (1959)- A masterpiece of the craptacular! Here we have some researches doing their research on a ‘tropical’ island (and what a strange island, full of oak and maple trees that seem to have lost their leaves for the Fall, but not a single palm tree or the like in site). Captain Roscoe P. Coltrane is bringing them supplies but a hurricane, probably the weakest hurricane in the history of the Caribbean, is on its way so he’s going to have to anchor in their cove for the night. He has a black first mate and the researchers have a Mexican helper, if you watch this with some friends I’ll let you wager which one gets killed first. Anyway, turns out the researchers are trying to make people smaller so they’ll live longer and eat less. They experiment on shrews since they have such high metabolism and short life cycle, and it seems one of their experiments has gone terribly awry, so awry that the effects seem to be the total opposite of making them smaller, and instead they are the size of large dogs. Oddly, they are EXACTLY the size of large dogs, and they are seriously, insanely hungry. This has pretty much everything you would expect from a 50s sci-fi flick called "The Killer Shrews". It has to get a pretty strong A on the craptacular scale.
King Kong (1933)- This was one of the first "Big Monster" Monster Movies. Man against nature, beauty and the beast, don't tamper with things, etc. All those themes run deep here and the 50s radiation beasts and sci-fi movies (including the Japanese monsters in the Godzilla films) would take note. You probably know the story; filmmaker goes to uncharted island to film beauty and the beast themed film. Finds more than he bargained for then decides to do more than make a movie when he takes said find to New York City. Chaos ensues. This movie has been re-filmed, rewritten, and reworked many times and in many ways (King Kong sequels, Godzilla movies, Jurassic Park, especially the sequel which basically was King Kong with a T Rex, and on and on). All things considered it is really a variation on the Frankenstein story too. This original holds up pretty well. Yeah the acting is dated as are the effects, but for 1933 this was ahead of its time. I'll give it an A-.
King Kong (2005): Wow, this flick looks great. It follows the original very closely but with much more detail. The effects are incredible but never really seem to 'steal the show'. The acting, directing, and story are all done very well. My only complaint is it is a little too insane at times, I mean come on, nobody could survive that! Still, I liked it quite a bit. A-.
King of the Zombies (1941)- Sure this one is chock full of racial stereotypes typical of the early 40s, but the black man servant Morland made the best of his character Jeff and basically out performed everyone else in this little cheapy. A plane gets lost in a storm near an area where a naval admiral recently disappeared. Luckily there’s an island with enough area to land on and someone on the island is sending radio transmissions. The plane crashes and the 3 occupants, Bill, Mac, and Bill’s valet Jeff find a creepy old house occupied by an Austrian doctor, who claims there is no radio on the island. The plot thickens as we meet the Dr’s wife who is almost catatonic and his niece who seems very nervous for some reason. Jeff soon discovers there are zombies on the island and quite possibly some ghosts too and we’re lured into a spy comedy horror drama that only the WWII era could give us. Yeah, it’s mostly crap and if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen them all but still, it moves along at a good pace and has a couple of effective set pieces. Yeah the racial stereotypes are played up but if you think about, Jeff the valet is really the only one that is right about everything all along. Not quite craptacular stuff so I’ll give it a D+.
Kiss of the Vampire (1963)- Hammer loved their vampires more than any other creature. In this one a family of vampires lives in a big ol' castle. They like to initiate pretty women into the cult they've built up in the area by having big masquerade balls and making them vampires during the party. Actually some fairly edgy stuff considering the times and pretty original script (OK, all of these were just 'damsel in distress' flicks but it was an interesting way to do it). It had an original albeit very strange ending that again showed the limits of bat special effects technology. A-.
Kwaidan (1965)- An amazing Japanese art house omnibus horror film. Let me start by saying if you don’t like Asian horror, or artsy styling with your horror, or very subtle ‘ghost’ type stories, then this is definitely not for you. This is all of those things, very Asian, artsy, and slow paced suspense over any ‘shocks’. My only real complaint would be it gets a little too slow paced at times, but for the most part that just lends to the dream-like feel of the whole thing. Story one is called "Black Hair" and revolves around a young selfish Samurai who leaves his wife and their poverty behind and marries the daughter of a wealthy man. He finds his new wife to be selfish and discovers his own selfishness in the process. He returns to his first and only true love, only to find things in his old home town a little out of sorts. I give this a strong A. Story two, "The Woman in the Snow", is about a woodcutter’s apprentice who gets caught in a blizzard with his teacher. They take refuge in the boatman’s cabin (the boatman is on the other side of the river). The apprentice awakens to see a woman breathing on his teacher, who then freezes. She moves to do the same to the apprentice but takes pity on him, telling him to never tell anyone what he has seen. The apprentice goes on to be a successful woodcutter and marries a beautiful girl, who he soon tells about the night in the cabin, which he shouldn’t be doing. This is a very dream-like piece and was my favorite, incredibly well directed and staged, A+ (also the 1990 movie "Tales From the Dark Side" had a story based on this one.) Story three is called "Hoichi the Earless" and tells the tale of a blind musician who is summoned each night to perform his rendition of a song about a great battle that took place between warring clans. What he doesn’t know, and soon finds out, is that the people who are summoning him were in the battle... And now he has to find a way to get out of the performance. This is also an amazing story, incredibly well filmed with great visuals, but I have to admit, at times it just felt like it went on and on and on and I was loosing interest quickly. I should’ve started the movie a little earlier I guess. I will give this a strong B+, over all it probably deserves better, but unless you have a great attention span you’ll see what I mean. The final story is an odd nightmare about a guard who see a reflection in his tea cup, later, while on duty, he sees the person from the reflection and attacks him, only to see him disappear. Later he is visited by three men and warned that he must pay for what he has done, a very odd story that I will give an A to. Overall I give this an A+, keeping in mind my reservations mentioned above.
Lady in the Water (2006)- M. Night, you realize you are asking for bad reviews don't you? This is a fantasy fairy tale come-true story about a girl who comes from the "Blue World" to inspire man to stop being so violent. She can do this just by her appearance to someone who is 'chosen', problem is she doesn't know who this person is. She shows up at an apartment complex full of colorful characters and looks for help from the helpful complex manager. Of course there are creatures that want to see her fail, otherwise we wouldn't have a movie now would we? This movie is fairy tale fantasy so you have to completely suspend belief, or maybe that's not really the point. Maybe the point is to not consciously suspend belief but instead be moved to believe the unbelievable. Anyway, M. Night steps on some land mines and opens himself up to criticisms of arrogance and of having a huge ego, and probably rightly so as his character plays a pretty major role this time out and we are also subjected to the comedy relief of a snobby film critic who doesn't seem to understand the depth of film maker's use of symbolism, so at one point we are held by the hand as symbolism is explained. Yeah, those things need to be mentioned and I see people's point when they bring them up, but at the end of the day, is this or is this not a good movie? And in my opinion, yes it is a good movie. Those issues above may warrant discussion but they have little or nothing (in my opinion) to do with whether or not this is a good story. The acting is good, the directing is good, the writing (keeping in mind the fairy tale aspect) is good and I was entertained. So I got my money's worth. Not as good as "Signs" or the 6th Sense" but better than "The Village" (Jenny disagrees with me). A-.
Land of the Dead (2005)- The 4th in Romero's Zombie Trilogy... um. Anyway, people have learned to live with the zombies, or at least have learned to keep the zombies outside the gates of a well-fortified city. They have to occasionally go into the surrounding towns, which are filled with zombies, and get supplies though. It's on one of these outings someone realizes the zombies are learning and evolving. It isn't long before the zombies realize where the raids are coming from and attack the city. Romero gets his war between man and zombie and gets to symbolize the plight of the lower class (Zombies), the squeeze on the middle class (regular people in the city made to do the dirty work), and the greed of the upper class (the rich who live safely in the skyscraper). Great effects compliment a good story combined with Romero's great directing and finally a budget to match the vision. And there in lies the rub. Maybe too much of a good thing. I feel the actors come off as action heroes more than the "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances" feeling I got from the other Romero zombie flicks. Also the truck Dead Reckoning is just over done and seems dumb. Not to get too geeky but the zombie plague began in 1968 so when did they invent all that technology in that truck, like flat panel infrared monitors? They were still driving old Army Jeeps though, nice touch. Also, Dennis Hopper is great as the wealthy leader of the city. Despite the above mentioned weakness I am still compelled to give this an A because there was still so much good about it. A.
Last Broadcast, The (1998)- If you’ve read about this movie you know comparisons to "The Blair Witch" project are inevitable. They are very similar and were released very close together (this one being actually released first). This was the first film to be shot and edited entirely in the digital realm, and then also released that way as well. It is a ‘documentary’ about a cable access show and its hosts who do a live shot in the Jersey woods looking for the Jersey Devil. The hosts and the sound man are killed, but someone they took along as a psychic to help them find the Jersey Devil walks away without a scratch and is then convicted of the crime. The gist of the documentary is that this guy really couldn’t have been the murderer. This is all done in my opinion very well. It really feels like one of those low budget documentaries (which is really what it is, except it is all fake). It had me completely engrossed in it as that. Then the twist ending rolls around and I was caught completely off guard. My only complaint is at that point it leaves the point of view documentary style to show the viewer the truth and I think there may have been a better way to let us in on the secret without breaking that ‘wall’. I really liked this flick, I would say ‘Blair Witch’ was scarier and probably a little more polished, but this isn’t really meant to be that way, it is meant to feel like a documentary, and documentaries aren’t scary (plus it is a comment on the soundbite world we now live in and may be more relevent now than in '98)! If that sounds interesting, go into it with an open mind and you should dig it. A+
Last Man on Earth, The (1964)- Another take on a Matheson novel. This is based on his "I Am Legend". A great book about a virus that turns people into vampires. Matheson hated this movie, as I believe did its star Vincent Price but I like it quite a bit. You can really see where modern zombie movies comes from, as this movie is a bridge between the old school Voodoo zombies and the cannibal zombies of Romero. Price is locked away in his house all night waiting out the vampire/zombies as they try to get in and kill him. During the day he reinforces his house and kills the sleeping vampires/zombies. There are some suspenseful moments as he is late getting home etc. and the ending, though weird, is effective. The pseudo-scientific explanations work too rather then getting in the way of the story and the flash backs to the plague sweeping Europe and coming to America work well for me. I'm not sure why this movie is looked down on most of the time; yeah it's cheap, slow at times, and the editing is pisspoor but over all it still works on a B movie level. B.
Last Woman on Earth, The (1960)- It is better to aim high and miss... This flick tries pretty hard to be Hitchcock’s "Lifeboat" or an updated "Lord of the Flies", and it fails. Nice idea, but the writing just doesn't hold up. So what's going on here? A rich as Hell businessman, his wife, and his lawyer are on vacation in Puerto Rico (his wife is angry because he can never actually take a real vacation, hence the presence of the lawyer). They decide to actually take a day off and go scuba diving, when they surface it seems there is no oxygen to breath. They leave their tanks on and go ashore, soon realizing that oxygen is coming back, good for them, too late for everyone else (in the world? this we really don't know but a total lack of radio contact suggests they may in fact be the last humans). So the businessman does what businessmen do, he takes charge as the lawyer slowly begins to rebel and things sort of break down. The dialogue tries real hard to wax philosophical about humans and life and civilization but this is a cheap Corman flick so you pretty much get what you’d expect, but without the sly sense of humor present in a lot of his other work of this era. It wasn’t horrible, like I said, a good enough idea, and considering the budget it is well done, but the dialogue just wasn’t good enough to keep it moving along. D+
Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)- Um, either Leatherface keeps moving in with different psycho-families or there is basically no continuity in this series. Anyway, a couple driving cross country wind up stopping at the wrong place for gas, get in a wreck in some Texas swamp, and the rest is pretty predictable stuff. Pretty violent this one takes an approach more similar to the original, less camp than part 2, more attempts at visceral fear, but this one pretty much fails at both. It seems the idea of a psychotic family is more interesting than Leatherface himself as he never really takes a lead role in the movies, despite this one’s name. D.
Leopard Man, The (1943)- Sort of following the basic plot of "She-Wolf of London", 'is it a wild animal or is it a serial killer?' premise. Nicely paced thriller with the usual Val Lewton production values. A performer is asked to walk a black leopard out with her for her act but another jealous performer scares the leopard off and before long girls begin to die in horrible ways. The end, taking place during a procession honoring Indians who had been killed by Conquistadors, is pretty effective. I wasn't surprised by the revelations at the end but I was surprised at what happened after those revelations. Ahead of its time. B.
Leprechaun (1993)- Like so many of these types of slasher/horror/comedies this movie about a killer leprechaun released from his crate and out to protect his gold from some half wits is very unoriginal, poorly acted, and terribly written. Yet I liked it. There are better examples in this sub-genre but this one's OK too. B-.
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1975)- Surprising little zombie flick about farmers in the English countryside using a machine to kill off the insect pests, one unfortunate side effect of this machine is it tends to reanimate the nervous systems of the recently deceased, and, as would be expected, they aren’t too happy about it. A couple, thrown together by accident, literally, wind up at the center of a murder investigation as bodies start piling up about the time they arrive, which also happens to be about the time the insect machine goes into use. There are some effective moments and nice atmosphere in this Italian, set in England, zombie movie. It feels like it could be a Hammer film at times, which is sad because by 1975 Hammer was all but finished. If you’re looking for Italian Zombie movies a la Fulci then this isn’t for you, but if you’d like a subtler well-paced zombie story then check this one out. A
Let the Right One In (2008)- A great Swedish vampire tale about a junior high/middle school aged boy who is repeatedly picked on by the bullies. His new neighbor happens to be a 12 year old girl, who is also a vicious vampire (she’s been 12 for a really long time). She befriends him and the two carry on a bizarre friendship in the snowed in town. This is everything "Twilight" only dreamed of being. Damn near a masterpiece I think. Yeah, it is moody, slow moving, and on the surface, bland, for better lack of adjectives, so if you want to be spoon fed look elsewhere. If you like them moody, this is for you. A+
Lisa and the Devil (1973)- In the mood for EuroArt horror? Don’t care that much for story line and continuity? Then this is for you. Bava’s masterpiece of mood and color follows Lisa, a tourist who gets separated from her tour group. She winds up at an odd castle with a couple on the verge of divorce, their chauffer, and a mother and son who live in the house along with their very strange butler and his life-like mannequins. Apparently Lisa very closely resembles someone who once lived at the house as well and things start breaking down there. If you like these almost art house type of flicks then this is a must see, Bava’s use of color, and his use of set pieces and even costume (pay close attention to what everyone is wearing) is second to none. If, however you’re not a fan of this type of fair, then I would pass on it if I were you. Know what you are getting into here! I really liked this one and will give it a very strong A.
Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane, The (1976)- This flick was often billed as a horror movie, or at best a thriller, but it falls maybe a tad short in both respects. The story is about a little girl... who lives down the lane... Sorry, anyway, we soon find out she is actually living there alone (at age 13) and she is pretty much willing to do whatever it takes to remain an independent little girl as she deals with the landlord, the bank, and the landlord’s pedophile son (with some help from her crippled magician boyfriend?!?). A tad strange, definitely far fetched, and at times pretty dated feeling too, despite the rave reviews I’ve read I just couldn’t really get into it. The acting was actually really good and it is well written and directed, and I liked the idea of the adults being suspicious but still too wrapped up in there own hang-ups to really notice anything, but still, despite all these positives, the package as a whole fell a little flat for me. C.
Little Shop of Horrors (1960)- Classic little horror comedy that basically follows the same story as Corman’s earlier "Bucket of Blood". A half-wit delivery boy at a florist in ‘Skid Row’ is on the verge of getting fired. He can’t allow this to happen as he has to support his hypochondriac mother so he breeds a new plant that he hopes will make the floral shop famous and him secure. The plant starts out interesting enough but soon gets sick and he accidentally realizes it really likes human blood. The plant grows very quickly on its new diet but where to get more food? A series of accidents leads to bodies which leads to food, which leads to a bigger and hungrier plant. This was remade into a successful musical play and later a remake of the movie in the guise of the musical play. A classic incredibly low budget quickie from the Corman catalogue (with an appearance by a very young and masochistic Jack Nicholson). B
London After Midnight (1927)- OK, I didn't really see "London After Midnight". The last known copy of the film was destroyed in a fire in the 1960s so, unless another turns up, it will never be seen again. What I did see was a Turner Classic Movie restoration project that used stills taken during the filming and inserted dialogue cards and music attempting to give the 'feel' you were watching the movie. This was a pretty influential murder mystery that just might involve vampires. Tod Browning wrote and directed and Lon Cheney starred and again, Cheney created his own makeup and again, it works really well, the guy was a genius. It was one of 10 films the director and actor made together and it was their highest grossing. It is the reason Universal chose Browning to direct "Dracula" and Browning chose Lon Cheney to play the part. Bela Lugosi's fate, and the vampire image was set, when Lon Cheney died before filming began. (Imagine how different our image of Dracula would be now had Lon Cheney lived long enough to play the part. Everything from the movements to the accent is set in stone and is a credit to the indelible image Lugosi left us, but what would Cheney have done?) The TCM treatment was nice but for completists only. A.
Long Hair of Death, The (1964)- In a plot that closely mirrors "Black Sunday", Barbara Steele's mother is executed for a murder she didn't commit (and for witchcraft), then Steele is killed for knowing the truth. Before her death her mother cursed the family that sentenced her. Barbara's sister, who was young at the time, grows up and is forced to marry the son of the man who sentenced her mother to death. Barb's family then gets their revenge. Although very slow moving and not terribly original there are still some effective scenes and atmospheric directing. By no means a masterpiece, it still is a decent enough ghost/witch story. C+.
Lost Boys, The (1987)- OK, I am biased on this one and know it is impossible for me to look at it with a fresh set of eyes. This flick came out just before my senior year of high school and I was in a professional ‘cover’ band at the time. So I was THE target audience for this campy, hip, horror movie with the rock and roll soundtrack. A lady and her two kids move to a small California coastal town to live with her dad after her divorce. Through his love of comic books the younger kid starts hanging out with the ‘Frogs’ and realizes the town is full of vampires, and his brother may be becoming one of them. It’s a goofy campy horror comedy that mostly works. It was originally meant to be targeted at younger kids like "The Goonies" but Schumaker the director wanted to aim a little higher and it worked out for him and the movie. If I was seeing this movie for the first time now would I like it? It is impossible for me to really say so keep that in mind as I give this a very strong A.
Lost Boys: The Tribe, The (2008)- "The Lost Boys" was kind of one of those lightning in a jar movies and I think that reflects in this sequel as they try, and fail, to recapture that moment. Many of the visuals are the same, more gore this time out but for the most part I think this movie was aimed at the same audience the first one was aimed at, and by the same I mean EXACTLY the same. People my age who saw the "The Lost Boys" when they were teenagers and want to relive some of that. In that respect it falls flat. The plot? A brother and sister move to the small town in Cali after the death of their parents, one is an ex-famous-surfer and the surf boys in the town want to hang out with him, and his sister. The locals are of course vampires. Enter one of the Frog brothers from part one. Pretty much the same movie and the DVD sleeve even called it a ‘reimagining’ of the original. Everything just falls flat as the director seems like he is just collecting his paycheck and riding on the original’s coat tails and the acting is terrible. I’ll give it a D because it wasn’t a total waste of time (the intro with Tom Savini was cool) but don’t expect too much.
Lost Highway (1997)- David Lynch’s look at... um, schizophrenia, multiple personalities, transmigration... etc. As should be expected I’m not too sure what this one is all about or what it means. If you’re looking for logical narrative you need to look elsewhere but if you want a spellbinding flick that doesn’t make any sense then this is for you. A musician and his wife keep getting videos of someone taping their house, and they become concerned when the latest video shows them in their bedroom as they sleep. And who is Andy to the musician’s wife, and the pale guy, who is he? And did the musician kill his wife, and how did he trade bodies with the mechanic who works for the gangster and is running away with the gangster’s girlfriend who may or may not be the musician’s wife. Shew, if you’re up for a ride that basically amounts to a nightmare with no logical structure then this is great, if you don’t like these movies then stay away. I’ll give this a solid A-, too many distracting cameos and a few spots of bad acting but over all a compelling piece of work.
M (1931)- Fritz Lang classic with a young Peter Lorre as a serial killer who preys on children. Lang sets a tone that would be mirrored to this day in serial killer movies like "Se7en". The press is having a field day and the police are at a loss. Eight children have disappeared and the killer is teasing everyone with letters to the police and the press. Finally the police crack down on everyone, which begins to cut in on the profits of organized crime. The criminals decide to do something about it so they pool their resources and start tracking the killer on their own. Lang's attention to detail is amazing and his ability to invoke an emotional response with his use of camera and sound is second to none. He lets us know the horror of the crimes by showing a balloon float away and an empty spot at the dinner table. Lang was light years ahead of his contemporaries and understood that film was in fact a new media, not just a way to film a stage play. A+.
Mad Love (1935)- "Masterpiece" may be an over statement but I think this comes close. First what keeps it from being a masterpiece? The dated humor. Why were directors so compelled to try and add humor to their movies back then? It just doesn't hold up. So what works? Pretty much everything else. Peter Lorre plays a genius doctor who cures people with physical ailments for little or no money. He is a compassionate doctor who rose from poverty to the heights of his profession. Yet he can't seem to find love and becomes obsessed with an actress who he later finds out is married. Her husband is a great pianist who is involved in a train derailment and must have his hands amputated, but the good doctor saves them by transplanting the hands of a murderer on him. Now maybe he can drive the actress and her husband apart. Lorre plays his part with his usual subtle flair and then slowly slips into total madness near the end. A great performance and also great use of the camera and the black and white photography. The end was somewhat of a let down though. Get passed the dated humor and the predictable ending and you have A+ material.
Mad Monster, The (1942)- Old school werewolf flick, tedious at best. George Zucco is a mad, and by mad I mean angry and insane, scientist who has been laughed out of the scientific community, but he’ll have his revenge, indeed he will. He has perfected a formula that turns an ordinary "Lenny" into a werewolf that looks more like an ape, and kills people at random. He then goes about exacting his revenge on those that laughed at him. This flick more or less follows the Frankenstein formula right down to the murder of a little girl. It’s slow moving, predictable, and unoriginal. Not really fun for the MST3K treatment either but I’ll give it a D because Zucco’s character is just over the top enough to make it almost fun.
Madhouse (1974)- Vincent Price is an actor famous for his horror movies, in real life and in Madhouse. In Madhouse his fiancé is found decapitated and while most believe Price did it, it can't be proven, and Price's character doesn't remember the event at all and slips into insanity. Years later he is asked to make a come back playing a character from one of his movies in a TV series. He reluctantly agrees and murders again begin to follow him. This is a nicely paced piece with fine performances from Price and Peter Cushing. The murder mystery is carried off nicely and the ending is satisfying, although the murderer sure took the hard way to try and accomplish his goal. Also, just to throw this out there, the murder of Price's fiancé is actually never solved in the movie. Nice touch. A.
Madman (1982)- Seriously, what can I say, just watch "Friday the 13th". Bad acting, bad dialogue, rotten premise, and terrible soundtrack. If this film had been made in 1975 it might have been cutting edge, but by 1982 it was too late, and the fact that it looks (and sounds) like it was made in 1975 doesn’t help! Basically a kid at camp is missing, someone goes to look and doesn’t come back so someone else goes to look and doesn’t come back so someone else goes to look and doesn’t come back on and on it goes. Could it be the legend of Madman Martz? Who cares? F, although semi fun to rip on, not craptacular enough.
Man From Planet X, The (1959)- An alien ship lands in the moors of Scotland and, through mind control, enslaves some of the locals to help prepare the earth for an alien invasion. The effects are dated but over all the plot, while not terribly original, is still good. This is over all a decent enough 50s sci-fi flick until the end which is incredibly dumb. These aliens seriously need some better plans and they need to stop underestimating us. C+
Man Who Knew Too Much, The (1956)- I know what you’re thinking. A movie with Doris Day is on my horror site. I’ve said it before, I know Hitch isn’t really horror but I’m a fan and it’s my site. Anyway Doris and Jimmy Stewart are on vacation with their young son in Morocco when they fall into a little political intrigue by accident. When a mysterious man whispers a secret to Jimmy their son gets kidnapped for insurance against Jimmy telling the secret. Many of Hitch’s favorite themes then play out, normal man in a bad, almost helpless situation, inept police, and being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And, as usual, it all works really well. Hitch was the master, and although this may not be considered one of his best, fans of his will appreciate it. B+.
Man With two Lives (1942)- I liked this one better when it was called "Black Friday". A super nice guy from a super nice wealthy family works for a super nice doctor who is working on bringing people back to life. He is engaged to a super nice smart girl too. The night of the engagement party he is driving home for what seems like a long time and then crashes his car, oddly he is still right in front of the house he just left. Still, he is dead now. Can the doctor bring him back to life? Yes, of course there is the problem of soul transmigration and it so happens a ruthless gangster is being executed at the exact time the super nice doctor’s assistant is revived. Alas, he now has the ruthless gangster’s personality because apparently memories are stored in the soul not the body. This one tries pretty hard but you get the idea everyone is just going through the motions in this cheap time filler. Still, there are some interesting moments like when the detective confronts the rich guy at his own house, knowing he is the one now leading the gang. PLOT SPOILER: This has one of those ‘and then I woke up’ endings that totally ruined anything that came before anyway so even if I sort of liked the flick the end ruined it all. I’ll give it an F because of that.
Maniac (1934)- Apparently the director of this movie was a real estate agent in Hollywood. He came upon this house that was full of movie making gear so naturally he made some movies. I don't remember his name but you'll find it in the annuls of film history along side other great directors like oh I don't know, Ed Wood. The movie is called "Maniac" but it should be called "Maniacs" because everyone in this show is insane. The mad scientist finds a way to reanimate corpses so he naturally wants to kill his assistant and then revive him. His assistant isn't too much into the idea so he kills the scientist instead and bricks him up in the wall like E Poe's "The Black Cat". Then he dresses up like him and shoots a crazy guy up with drugs that make him crazier and he goes out on a rampage (complete with a pre-code brief nude scene). Somewhere in here the neighbor explains why he breeds so many cats. It has something to do with cat fur and rats. Anyway the cops are looking for the scientist's assistant but don't realize that he is just dressed up as the scientist. They run a scheme to make him think he's inherited some money and then his wife shows up. Somewhere in there one of the neighbor's cats is killed and its eyeball popped out and eaten. Yup, it's a pre-code horror flick. If you're looking for old school insanity you're not going to get any better than this. If you're not then stay away. B+.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)- A couple and their young daughter head out on the road for a vacation. They drive, and drive, get lost, drive some more, until finally they come to a ranch in the desert. Torgo, the caretaker, answers the door and flatly denies the family the right to stay on the property. The wife agrees and tells the husband they should just move on. The husband refuses to listen to either and all but insists Torgo let them stay. Torgo relents, despite his knowing The Master will not be pleased. Torgo, totes the families bags in, despite his desire they not stay there and despite an incredibly odd deformity that causes him to walk strangely and slowly. Once inside after some talk about The Master being dead, but not dead, and seeing some Satanic looking paintings of The Master and his Doberman the couple decide maybe it would be best if they did leave, but after much deliberation they again decide to stay. Things begin to go bad when their daughter’s dog is killed by a wild animal in the desert and Torgo comes onto the wife, so the couple again decide to leave, but this time the car won’t start so they decide to stay. The husband, while looking for Torgo gets knocked unconscious and I'm getting confused. The Master, who is lying on slab in the desert and is surrounded by his many comatose wives who stand against poles, wakes from his death/sleep. He says some incantations, his wives awake and bicker about killing the child and then an all out fight between The Master’s wives breaks out and continues for roughly 15 minutes. Meanwhile the husband comes to and heads back to the house. The couple decides again to leave, this time on foot. After traveling roughly 100 yards or so the wife collapses as she is too tired so the couple decide not to leave and head back to the house. As they head back Torgo is sacrificed by The Master’s wives (they execute him by pushing him around) for letting the people stay and for making advances on them while they are comatose. Meanwhile The Master is waiting back at the house for the couple and now they must become his caretaker and wives. My oh my. I have no idea what to grade this. This could possibly the greatest worst movie ever made. I don’t doubt there are worse Camcorder Coppola productions but as far as a movie that was made for wide release and actually had a big premier party, this has to simply be the worst thing ever made. Complete and total ineptitude in every aspect of filmmaking. Directing, acting, sound, lighting, writing, cinematography, editing, you name it, they messed it up. Plus the soundtrack, Jesus, it sounds like Coltrane’s band on a very VERY off night. For reference, Manos translates as hands so the title of this movie is "Hands: Hands of Fate". I don’t know what to grade this. Is an F on the craptacular scale even possible? For completists who love terrible, terrible stuff only.
Mark of the Vampire (1935)- Bela Lugosi returns to play a vampire for the first time since 1931's Dracula in this classic MGM flick. Tod Browning wrote and directed this murder mystery which is basically a remake of his silent "London After Midnight". Lugosi plays Count Mora with Carroll Borland as his daughter Luna. A police inspector refuses to believe vampires are to blame for a recent murder, but a professor believes otherwise, or does he? This is a classic movie with great atmosphere from the foggy graveyard to the terrifying castle (what was it with Browning and possums as rats?) this movie works on many levels. The ending is a let down but everything else works great. A+
Marnie (1964)- This film seems too long and a little too ‘talky’ to me but then if it was reedited what part would be cut out? Hitch never wasted a shot so each scene and each conversation leads to a deeper understanding of each character as they develop. And this film has great character development and is of course incredibly well directed. Hitch’s camera angles and blocking and his ability to tell the story through these techniques is nothing short of genius. The plot? Marnie is a thief and a con artist who happens to be deathly afraid of thunderstorms and the color red. She wants nothing more than to impress her frigid mother so she steals in order to buy her things. She is finally caught by her current boss, who gives her a choice, marry him or be turned in to the law. Marnie’s clepto ways and her sordid past can’t easily be erased though and Hitch takes us along for the ride. B+.
Martin (1977)- Martin is a vampire, or a twisted serial killer from a twisted family. He has gone to stay with his cousin, who is curiously older than him (Martin looks to be around 18 or 19 but claims to be 84) and who is a very religious man who plans on saving Martin’s soul, and destroying his body constantly referring to him as "Nosferatu". From the beginning there is no doubt Martin is a killer who drinks blood, but he uses sedatives and razor blades to get his victims, no fangs, no hypnotizing eyes. He’s also frustrated at what Hollywood has done to the vampire. Garlic, crucifixes, holy water, this magic simply doesn’t work in real life according to Martin on one of his late night calls to talk radio (and he proves it to his religious cousin as well). Romero does to the vampire mythos what he did to the zombie mythos, breaks all the rules and severs all ties to the past (just as Romero’s flesh craving zombie hordes had little to nothing in common with the voodoo witchdoctor created zombies of the past, Martin is about as far from the Dracula stereotype vampire as you can get). While throwing away the past Romero examines the generation gap, old vs. new, magic vs. science, superstition vs. reality, old ideas in a new world, and tosses in objectification of women and relationships to boot. And it works pretty well. Yeah, it is very low budget and has a very 1970s look so in that regard it may not hold up well, and if you’re expecting lots of blood and guts a la his zombie films you will be disappointed. This is a subtle, slowly paced psychological thriller about a serial killer/vampire (we never truly know which it is) as he tries to deal with life and acceptance (or the lack there of). A strong A.
Masque of the Red Death (1964)- Roger Corman took Poe's "Masque of the Red Death" and mixed it up with "Hop Frog", added in some of his own elements and ideas and wound up with this colorful movie. A very well acted and interestingly directed movie about a sadistic prince who worships Satan and hides out in his castle with a large group of invited guests while a plague ravages the countryside. Corman's interesting use of color (which comes from the name of the story and the plot but is used well visually in this adaptation) along with some great acting by everyone, especially Price who revels in the role of a terribly evil person, make this worth a view. It often mirrors in both feel and subject matter Igmar Bergman's "Seventh Seal". B+.
Maximum Overdrive (1986)- I think this is simply the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't even rip on it it was so bad. "No, don't go back out there and get that "insert reason for going outside" because that truck will kill you...oops". Who's idea was this... Oh yeah, Stephen King. F
Mazes and Monster (1982)- I shouldn’t really count this as a horror movie but I caught it on Chiller the other night and I remembered it from back when I was 12 or so so I caught it for old times sake, and boy am I glad I did. This movie is a must see, a must see for the lovers of the Craptacular that is. I tried D&D a time or two but never really got into it but I had some friends who were pretty hugely into it, but none of them like these people. Anyway, the plot is about 4 college kids who are rich as hell and instead of getting into murder or theft like most rich-as-hell-bored-college-kids they get into the role playing game Mazes and Monsters. One of them, Robbie, goes off the deep end and starts blurring the lines between fact and fantasy to hilarious results. The acting is terrible but I blame the writers and director for this debacle, as the actors obviously had nothing to work with. Lines like "I’m like Mr. Spock", "No you’re more like the Tin Man." I half expected the kids to say "Golly gee Beav, what’d you go and do that for?" None of what is going on really makes any sense at all, like why the cops blame the game in the first place, didn’t they think thousands of kids play the game and only one is missing, how could that lead you to conclude the game made him disappear, and why does the detective just instantly assume he’s dead? And why do the kids lie to the cops about playing the game, was it illegal? I was completely confused, and also half asleep as we spend what seemed like hours walking in the caves yelling, "Daniel, I’m lost". Jesus Christ, if you’re in the mood for total 80s misplaced fear-mongering crap then you have to catch this one! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Messengers, The (2007)- I want so bad to give this flick an A+. Great acting, great directing great story. A family with a young boy and teenage daughter move from Chicago to the sticks of North Dakota to try and save the family and grow sunflowers on a small farm. The farmhouse has a secret though, one it doesn’t intend to keep. So why not give it an A+, the story works, the effects are good, the film is suspenseful without always resorting to the "BOO!" technique? Well, I have to dock it in the originality department. You’ll sit there feeling like you’ve seen it before. Throw in equal parts "Amityville Horror", "The Shining", "Poltergeist", and "The Grudge", then throw in a small dash of "The Birds" and you pretty much have this flick. So I’d give it an A-... But... Then there’s the Lifetime Movie Network Made For TV Ending. I’m not sure how it should end but I know it shouldn’t be like this. I saw this at the theatre and as of this review the DVD is not out yet but I bet it contains alternate endings. So my final grade is a strong B.
Messiah of Evil (1972): I read that this was a good zombie movie in the vein of "Night of the Living Dead" but more subtle. That sounds pretty awesome. Not sure who wrote that review but I have to disagree with them. The plot? A lady is worried because she hasn't heard from her dad in quite awhile so she heads to the town were he lives to investigate. She runs into weirdness from the get go and things just get weirder. Lots of talk and attempts at good writing follow. Boring stuff! Yeah, there are a couple cool shots, like near the beginning when the lady is gassing up just outside of town. The other guy gassing up obviously has something to hide! There's a cool scene in the grocery store where a pack of zombies is horded around the meat counter munching and near the end the zombies start dropping through a skylight. But those scenes are few and far between. It's all rounded out with a good dose of bad acting. D.
Metamorphoses (1980)- Cheap ain't the word. This baby is low budget, but that's OK... Sometimes. Here? Well... A research scientist is using funds from a private university on research and no one knows what he's spending his money on. The board wants to know and wants his books. First he must finish his experiment so to hurry up the process he, naturally, experiments on himself. His experiment is on DNA and how to regenerate cells, essentially stopping the aging process and making people immortal. Said plan backfires in a terrible way. Yeah, his cells regenerate but they also mutate, problem is they mutate to a primitive life form, a monster! This movie actually predates "Altered States" and the remake of "The Fly" but the plot is essentially the same here, and many other sci-fi movies that predate this one. It's typical 80s pap complete with over indulgent sex scene. The acting isn't too good, the directing is bad, the plot doesn't make a lot of sense and the ending is hilarious. Still, having said all that I didn't actually HATE this flick. D+.
Metropolis (1927)- Fritz Lang was one of the first directors to realize film was an entirely new medium, not just something to be used to film stage plays. Metropolis is set in the future, a future not unlike that of Orwell’s "1984" or Huxley’s "Brave New World", except Metropolis predated both of those novels. Workers live under the city, manning their machines and living a meager existence, while the powerful live in penthouses built on the backs’ of the workers. When an inventor shows the leader he has made a robot that could replace all the workers, schemes follow and revolution may be at hand. This movie was so far ahead of its time that it is hard to imagine it was made in 1927 (except for the fact the film looks that old and it is silent). It is a masterpiece in every sense of the word and has been copied, imitated, and ripped off for 80 years. It is long for a silent movie and if you don’t dig them you may not dig this one, otherwise I highly recommend it. A+.
Mirrors (2008)- This starts out as a pretty exciting and atmospheric horror flick, complete with the gore. A cop who accidentally killed another cop and is trying to get his life back together starts working as a night watchman at a burned out old department store. The mirrors in this old building start freaking him out and he puts together the story of the guy he replaced, who recently committed suicide. The effects and the suspense works really well here. We are in for a ride as everyone begins thinking that the cop my be more than just depressed, but totally insane. He’s driven to find out the truth and finds out there was an insane asylum located where the store is and all of a sudden things start to get kind of dumb. The dialogue starts breaking down and the plot just starts feeling silly as we get more and more over the top until we get to the end which makes little sense and all the more subtle suspense and scares become action adventure explosions with monsters. I’d give the first half an A and the 2nd half D which averages to about a B-, which may be kind.
Mr. Sardonicus (1961)- This is a William castle movie, and the hokey beginning would lead you to think you are headed down more or less, hokey William Castle road. But that ends up being a false impression. No campy gimmicks, no false "So scary people fainted" stuff (not that those are bad things), instead we have a more or less subtle gothic horror movie about a poor man who must dig up his father’s fresh grave to get a winning lottery ticket. He becomes incredibly wealthy, but also pays the price of having his face frozen in a horrifying ‘death grin’. His new wife’s ex-boyfriend happens to be a genius surgeon who just might be able to fix up his face. Sardonicus’ butler is a sadistic nutjob channeling his best Bela Lugosi and the rest of the cast is almost perfect as well. This is a classic, slow paced and anti-climactic by today’s horror movie standards to be sure but if you like these gothic period pieces you will like this one. B+
Monster House (2006)- This is a great little animated feature in the vein of "The Goonies" and "Gremlins". Yeah it's for the early teen set but that's OK. A grumpy old man is always taking everything that lands on his yard and yelling at kids to stay off his lawn. While yelling at the neighbor boy he has an apparent heart attack and is taken away by ambulance. Now the kids must face the fact that just maybe his ghost has returned to haunt them and make sure they never go on his lawn. Great animation, great plot, all around good little piece of work. A.
Monster Maker, The (1944)- Obviously low budget yet fairly original tale about a mad scientist who is an expert in the field of glandular disorders. He has the power to both inflict and cure a particular rare disease, and he uses this power to try and blackmail a famous pianist into making his daughter marry the scientist. We also learn that this may not be the first time he’s used the disease, and he may or may not even be who he claims to be. Yeah, it’s a little far fetched and silly at times (what is it with gorillas in some of these old school flicks?) but it still works as a low budget old school poverty row entry. All things considered I’ll give it a B-.
Monster Walks, The (1932)- Here we have yet another take on "The Cat and the Canary". An old rich guy dies; his daughter and her fiancé come back for the reading of the will. The oddball uncle who is an invalid is there as is the housekeeper and her son. Toss in the lawyer and the daughter’s shiftless chauffer (whose ‘real’ name in the opening credits is "Sleep’n’Eat" in a hilarious racist jab at those lazy darkies... seriously man the racism in this one is inexcusable, maybe Hollywood is so full of bleeding heart lefties now because back then it was so full of racist assholes they are trying to make up for it). Anyway, fear ensues as someone is trying to kill of the daughter and red herrings flop around. This is terrible stuff but a must see for the lovers of terrible stuff because the acting and editing and directing are just so bad. This movie is only 60 minutes long but could easily be trimmed down to 30 without cutting anything out at all except people walking around. Toss in the painfully dated racism and you got total crap. An A on the craptacular scale.
Mother of Tears (2007)- The long wait for the third in Argento’s Three Mothers trilogy finally brought us the Mother of Tears, and I can’t help but feel Argento totally sold us out on this one. The other two (Suspiria and Inferno), while not the masterpieces some would have you believe in my opinion, were at least stylish, with the use of color, camera angle, and light and dark and wild swings from over the top violence to subtle details. This one throws all that away to give us gore, tit shots, and silly plot and goofy special effects, all wrapped up with a mess of bad acting. The plot? An urn is discovered outside of Rome, it contains what will be needed to return the third mother to power, witches begin to descend on Rome and chaos ensues. A woman who’s mother fought the first mother has powers to see ghosts, but is a rationalist and must be convinced of her powers by a lesbian and some guy who is apparently an alchemist. Whatever. If you like stylish Euro- horror check out "Suspiria" and "Inferno", leave this one alone. F.
Mother’s Day (1980)- Formulaic slasher/revenge flick (more revenge than slasher though as there is a low body count) about 3 women who were college roommates back in the day and now go out together once a year for an adventure. This year’s adventure has them camping near a lake in the boonies, little do they know an insanely dysfunctional and depraved family lives in those same woods. The women are kidnapped by the family (a mother and her two sons) and are brutalized by them. There is nothing original about this one, but to be fair it isn’t bad. It is campy at the right times (and also sometimes funny when I think it wasn’t supposed to be) but it also delivers some intense suspenseful scenes as well. It is well acted and directed (considering budget constraints) and even manages to pull in some social commentary along the way. (The mother is raising her sons according to what she has learned on the TV, which is on in the house continually, and they brag about being ‘citified’ with pop culture references everywhere and graffiti on the walls of the house.) An odd subplot has the mother training the boys to protect her from her (even more) insane sister who lives in the woods, which leads to an ending you can see coming for miles. Still, all things considered, this ain’t a bad entry in the 80s slasher/revenge type subgenre and if you like that era and don’t mind a low budget then... B+.
Mulberry Street (2006)- Part of After Dark Films 2007 HorrorFest here we have a "28 Days Later" clone, and that ain’t a bad thing. Obviously low budget and filmed on the move this is an intense ride through Manhattan as a virus spread by unusually aggressive rats turns people into murdering cannibalistic rat people. We follow the tenants of an apartment building (and one of the tenant’s daughter who is trying to get home after being wounded in Iraq) which is about to be torn down for redevelopment ("The neighborhood is changing" we’re not so subtly told) as they battle the plague and do their best to stick together and look out for each other in the face of impossible odds. Yeah, it is basically "28 Days Later" only instead of ‘later’ it follows the outbreak and spread but get past a little plot unoriginality and you get a great and intense flick. The acting is great, the look of the film is perfect (dark, grainy, and jarring, if you don’t like this sort of cinematography then stay away from this one!), and the characters are believable, well rounded and developed. Plus you kind of get the feeling that this is more or less how folks would probably actually react to such circumstances. A strong A.
Mummy, The (1932)- Karloff again becomes a monster, but this time a much less sympathetic, yet more human looking monster. Ironic. Great makeup and sets and a very well acted and directed movie. Influenced by German Expressionism the look is great and Karloff plays his character with great evil restraint. The story is basically the same one used later by Hammer and still again later by Universal in their big budget remake. An ancient Egyptian priest is busted trying to resurrect his princess lover from the dead and is cursed to spend eternity guarding her tomb. Jump ahead to the 20th Century and Egyptian exploration and oops, the Mummy is back. As luck would have it, his lover from way back in the day has been reincarnated again and he must again have her, this time for eternity. Yeah, it's basically Dracula from Egypt rather than Transylvania, but it still works really well. A+.
Mummy, The (1959)- In the late 50s Hammer was making a name for itself redoing Universal Monster movies from the 30s. They weren't just re-filming them though they were rewriting them as well. After a pretty creative take on Dracula and a very creative remake of Frankenstein they tackled The Mummy. Christopher Lee was again the monster and Peter Cushing again the hero, and despite this it didn't feel formulaic. The indoor sets and the color of these early Hammer films is second to none (the 'outdoor' sets leave a little to be desired except maybe the swamp scene) and again the story is very creative. An Egyptian priest is having an affair with a princess; when she dies during a journey he ignores protocol and has her buried where she died rather than where she reigned. He is then caught attempting to revive her and is sentenced to be buried alive with her and protect her for eternity. 4000 years later English archeologists have the unfortunate luck of finding her tomb and being the first to disturb it. Lee and Cushing always take their roles very seriously and deliver whatever dialogue is asked with them like the professionals they are. If you like Mummy movies, and I don't, you'll like this one. B.
Mummy, The (1999)- This Universal big budget remake has everything you'd expect from, well, a Universal big budget remake. The story, more or less follows the plot of all mummy movies, Egyptian expedition, pretty girl, reincarnated lovers, mummies, etc. I am not a fan of most mummy movies, exceptions being the first with Karloff from 1932 and this one actually. It's more goofy action adventure with lots of special effects than horror but it's fun and if you go into it with that attitude you should like it. No it's not very original but as I've said before, the whole mummy mythos isn't very original anyway. B+
Mummy's Ghost, The (1944)- Same movie different title. Egyptian priest wants mummy, mummy rises, finds reincarnated princes, kidnaps her etc. Over, and sometimes under acted this movie pretty much sucks. These mummy movies are just plain bad. It is amazing how quickly they dropped off too. The first one is great but the rest were all bad. I will give this one a slightly higher mark as it didn't end the way I expected. C-.
Mummy's Hand, The (1940)- Everything that was wrong with a lot of old horror movies is crammed into one movie. And that movie is "The Mummy's Hand". Rotten acting, rotten, 'comedy' relief, silly plot, terrible sets, and "Just mail me my paycheck" directing. Some guys need money, one likes a girl, somebody raises a mummy, attempts at people acting scared, mummy gets girl, guy saves girl, and all is well. All ain't well as Universal was in a tailspin after creating such great horror flicks in the 30s. F.
Mummy's Tomb, The (1942)- For the first ten minutes or so we are subjected to a flash back to the events from "The Mummy's Hand". I'm not sure when that movie was supposed to have taken place but this one is supposed to be 30 years later which would put it at the very least sometime in the 50s. But Universal, while trying to keep some continuity to their Monster Movies didn't care about much else. The Mummy is just too hard to come up with an original story I guess so they keep telling the same one, which is just a variant of the Dracula story, over and over. Here an Egyptian priest moves the mummy to New England to exact his revenge on those who disturbed the tomb in "The Mummy's Hand". Lon Chaney Jr. takes his turn as the mummy after playing The Wolfman, Dracula, and Frankenstein already. He sucked as the mummy too. Still it was better than "The Mummy's Hand". D-
Mummy's Curse, The (1944)- OK, this movie is a direct sequel to "The Mummy Ghost" and supposedly takes place 25 years later, which I figure would put it at the very least in 1975. They didn't even bother to try and make it look like it was in the future but that's probably a good thing. They would've had people flying around with jet packs and a colony on the moon if they would've. Nope, it's 25 years after the last movie, which was a sequel to "The Mummy's Tomb" which supposedly took place 30 years after "The Mummy's Hand". Anyway, some government engineers decide to drain the swamp the mummy disappeared into at the end of the last movie and that brings around an archeologist and his Egyptian assistant. They want to find the body of the mummy, but alas, the Egyptian really wants to wake the mummy and let him wreak a little havoc while looking for his princess, who has already risen sans tana leaves. Another weak and barely coherent entry into the mummy saga, thankfully it is the last. I'll give it a D+ since I'm feeling generous today.
Murder in the Red Barn (1935)- Tod Slaughter had been running around killing people on stage for quite a while by the time he made his film debut in this, which is little more than a filmed stage play, complete with the cast intro. Here Tod plays a rich magistrate, who has actually pretty much gambled all his dough away. He likes one of the young village girls, but has to marry a rich girl to pay off his debts. But before he gets hitched up he gets the poor village girl pregnant, blames it on a gypsy, kills her and buries her in a barn, then... well, you can guess the rest. Actually, if you are hip to Tod Slaughter movies you could’ve pretty much guessed all of the above. This is pretty good stuff if you like ‘em old and melodramatic (and this play was old even by the time it was filmed). Tod also kills a pregnant gal (pregnant with his own child) in this one. Dastardly indeed. This is just goofy fun (although it is loosely based on a true story) over the top stuff. Tod was good here but would get better working in the film medium later on. B+ on the craptacular scale.
Murder Mansion (1972)- I know, with a title like that... This one was made at the height of Spanish horror films and it walks a thin line. A thin line between suspense and boredom, good acting and overacting, good cinematography and dark poorly contrasted shots, good writing and unbelievable plot, and intricate story line and confusing mess. Yes, it is all those things. Several people get lost in a thick fog in a mountain valley and all wind up staying at an old and possibly haunted mansion. Were they funneled there by death itself, or is it a more terrestrial dastardly plot? Anyway, ghosts are seen walking about the property, eventually bodies are found, and then the payoff comes. Sort of... If you put much thought into this one it makes no sense at all. What did they hitchhiker, motorcycle rider, and guy in the Mustang have to do with anything? Did they just get stuck in the web cast for the crazy lady who hated her father (we know this because of some oddly timed flashbacks). Was there a hint at a lesbian angle with the lady who owned the mansion even though PLOT SPOLIER she was out to kill the crazy lady who hated her father? And then why did the guy having the affair with the gal that pretended to own the mansion end up killing pretty much everyone? I don’t know. There was some really good atmosphere and at times I was really into this one. It built up some good suspense but in the end just didn’t hold up so well. C-.
Murders in the Rue Morgue (1932)- I've read some good things about this movie and some bad things about it so I was stoked to finally see it to decide for myself. What did I decide? First the good: There were some nice use of camera angles and 'points of view'. That always interests me, especially in these old movies when the approach was often just filming a play because the cameras were about the size of a small car so it was hard to do much with them. The lab experiment scene was good and obviously pre-code. The use of light and shadow was also pretty effective as were the outdoor backdrop sets that were obviously influenced by German Expressionism of the silent era. Welp, that about does it for the good. The bad, Bela's character is over the top in a bad way with the crazy uni-brow and big hat. The plot? Bela is a (mad) scientist out to prove Evolution (Darwin is never mentioned but I guess the film was supposed to be taking place around the time Darwin made his discoveries or just before). How will he prove it? By mixing the blood of beautiful young women with that of his trained ape. Uh, yeah, that should do it. Too bad the women usually have impure blood and die from the experiments. Don't ask me. The acting and directing (other than the above mentioned positives) also bit. D-.
My Bloody Valentine (1981)- Let me start by saying "Halloween" was a great movie, great directing, great story, original plot (although "Black Christmas" actually got there first) etc. The only bad thing I can say about "Halloween" is that it spun off so many 'wanna-bes'. "My Bloody Valentine" would fall in this category. Pretty blatantly ripped from the "Halloween" small-town-with-a-secret-escaped-lunatic-killer-on-a-killing-spree mold. A small mining town called Valentine has a traditional Valentine dance. Then one Valentine's Day 20 years ago there was an accident at the mine. While the rest of the town partied, miners were trapped. When they finally found the trapped miners, one had gone insane and eaten the others. Then he went on a rampage and killed the guys who left them there. The town stopped having the dances, but then, 20 years later they figured it had been enough time so they schedule a Valentine's Day Dance. And guess what... The twist at the end comes too little too late and you can see it coming from a mile away anyway. Bad acting (how old are these 'kids' supposed to be anyway), stupid dialogue, and unbelievable plot doom this one from the start. D+.
My Little Eye (2002)- A twist on "House on Haunted Hill" has a group of college age kids spending 6 days in a creepy old house in the middle of nowhere while being watched on the Internet via Webcams placed all over the place. If they all stay 6 days they get a million dollars, if even one leaves, no one gets anything. They debate their pasts as they realize someone is messing with them, trying to scare them and maybe stir a little controversy for the Web viewers. All may not be as it seems though as one thing leads to another and the group realizes that they may not be meant to ever leave the house. The movie is tense and interesting until roughly 2/3 of the way through and then we break down into slasher mayhem and things pretty much become very predictable and plot holes start opening up. Too bad for such a promising start. C-
Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)- Lionel Atwell is an artist who creates wax figures for his wax museum. He refuses to sell out and put up displays of murderers etc. in his wax museum and he's losing money. His business partner decides to burn the museum and collect the insurance money. Atwell is left to die in the flames. Several years later he turns up in New York preparing to open his new House of Wax. He was badly injured in the fire and can no longer make the figures but his students do a fine job, maybe too fine. Maybe Atwell lost his mind after the fire. Pretty good acting and great sets, this is more mystery than horror, although there really is no mystery as to what is going on. Plenty of 30s stereotypes, smart-assed female reporter, mad artist, tough editor, smart detectives. Still this is pretty good material. B-.
Mysterious Doctor, The (1943)- Strange British WWII propaganda/ghost flick about a headless ghost keeping people from working the English tin mines. Folks who defy the ghost’s wishes wind up with their own heads lopped off. Scientists and security look into the story and what follows is pretty much exactly what you expect to follow. This is silly stuff, even when it is trying not be, even though it holds up better than a lot of the American made flicks of the same era it is still pretty weak. D.
Mysterious Island (1961)- this is a great setup for a Jules Verne ride, complete with Harryhausen effects. During the Civil War some Union POWs escape in a balloon, which is great except they really don’t know how to fly it so they fly and fly and fly and wind up crashing somewhere in the Pacific on an island inhabited by some heinous giant critters. Some women show up after a shipwreck (convenient) and we are off on an adventure complete with Captain Nemo. If you like these sci-fi flicks (like the Sinbad movies, Jason and the Argonauts etc) you’ll like this one too. I’ll give it a B+, some of the acting is over the top, but sit back and just enjoy.
Needful Things (1993)- This is a great miniseries based on a Stephen King novel (did I just type that?). An old guy moves to town and opens an antique shop. By coincidence he has something almost everyone in town wants and he’ll give it to them for a price, though it’s not money he wants. Slowly the towns people are pitted against one another as the old guy exploits their weaknesses and dislikes until, literally, all Hell breaks loose. Max Von Sydow is awesome as the devil and for once we get an end worthy of the time I spent getting there. I also read the book and let me say, I’m glad the movie didn’t end like that! A-
Never Too Late (1937)- Hey, don’t blame me, this was called ‘horror’ before I came along. This is a silly turd that tries to pass itself off as a look at dismal prison conditions in Victorian England, but instead winds up being a vehicle for Tod Slaughter twirling his handle bar stache as he develops his dastardly plans to get a girl young enough to be his daughter. He’s the local Justice of the Peace so he tries to throw her boyfriend in jail, but as luck would have it his buddy goes in his place (that’s where we get the jail time depravity scenes), more plots ensue as Tod digs himself a deeper and deeper hole until the end when we get to see his true batshit insane self in a giggle inducing scene not quite worthy of Dwight Frye. This movie is just ancient looking and doesn’t hold up so well, with bad dialogue and even worse delivery; it feels like someone filmed a stage play put on by a small amateur theatre group. There are a few scenes that work like the tough guy being broken by prison and the kid going bonkers when he has to do more turns on the rack but you’ll have to sit through a lot of crap to get there. It’s a good candidate for the ol’ MST3K treatment but I wasn’t laughing enough to give it a craptacular grade. D-
Night Creatures (1962)- Hammer paired two of their favorite actors, Oliver Reed and Peter Cushing, in this tale that basically amounts to moonshiners and country legends, except they're in England back in the day running wine. There's a legend about 'marsh phantoms' that some have used to hide their activities from the revenuers but it won't last for long as the sly Captain is catching on. And why was the notorious pirate Captain Clegg buried as a hero in the church cemetery? Again, the twists at the end were seen miles away but this movie is a nice Hammer production with competent acting and directing and a good enough story. B-.
Night Gallery (1969)- Made for TV omnibus which was supposed to be Rod Serling’s return to the Twilight Zone format. Here we have three stories: #1 is the story of a man who discovers his long lost uncle. The uncle is rich, and not in the best of shape, an ‘accidentally’ left open window finishes off the old man... Or does it? The old man’s paintings may have the last word. It’s a pretty over the top story, with a double twist ending that isn’t too surprising, but Roddy McDowall is perfect in his part as the nephew and over all it is very well done. A-. #2 has a wicked (of course) Joan Crawford who is rich as hell and has been blind her whole life. She hears about a surgery that may give her sight, although briefly and at the expense of another person’s eyes, but she is determined to blackmail her way to see, even if it is for a short time. Bad luck follows. This was one of Steven Spielberg’s first directing gigs and he holds his own. I would’ve liked to know what happened to the guy who gave his eyesight (Howie Cunningham no less). Still, this one worked, more or less. B. #3 takes us to Argentina and a Nazi war criminal who is haunted by his past and hunted by those who want him brought to justice. He prays for peace of mind, but never really for forgiveness and decides he can loose himself in art, which does indeed end up being his fate. Of the three stories this one ‘feels’ more like a Twilight Zone episode, but in a way it also fails as it never really builds the suspense it shoots for and the main character just comes off as too unsympathetic. C+. This averages to a B, which is probably about right.
Night Must Fall (1937)- This original version of "Night Must Fall" moves a little slower than the remake and doesn't quite have the sinister edge either. The plot is basically the same. A low class charmer gets a rich old gal's maid pregnant. When he comes to meet the old gal he turns the charm on and worms his way into her life. A murder has recently occurred nearby and the charmer just may know something about it. In the remake we know pretty much everything going in and Albert Finney plays his part with complete insane abandon. This version is played a little closer to the vest and is probably a little more believable because of that, but it does lose some edge. It would obviously be a matter of taste as to which version you'd like better. I think I liked this old version but Jenny liked the remake better. B+
Night Must Fall (1964)- Albert Finney is an odd combination of James Dean's Rebel Without A Cause and Anthony Perkins' Psycho. He's a charmer out to play whatever role the women he decides to keep company with expect him to be. This could've been better with a little more restraint and a little more mystery, although it didn't end as I expected we did all know from the start that he was a actually a psychotic murderer. It's the Hitchcock approach, spill enough beans to clue the viewers in so they get to watch like the voyeurs we are, what happens to the people's lives that don't know the truth in the movie. I liked it, I just felt it could've been much better. B.
Night of Dark Shadows (1971)- Movies like this slay me. First, the name makes no sense. This movie doesn’t take place in one night and I guess "Nights and Days of Dark Shadows" just didn’t have the appeal ( I know I know it is a sequel of sorts to "House of Dark Shadows" and also the TV show). Second, this is one of those early 70s horror flicks that went more for subtle scares, which I respect, but failed, which I don’t respect. And last, the soundtrack, good Lord!!! Lots of classical guitar and harmonica, plus some early electronica, none of which ever seems to fit what is happening on the screen. So what is happening on the screen? A newlywed couple moves into the husband’s family’s old mansion where a relative of his did some bad things. He slowly becomes possessed by that relative and someone has to pay. Of course none of it really makes any sense and it moves at a snail’s pace. And the ending you can see for miles, did they really think they were fooling people? Kind of fun to rip on but not enough so I can’t really give it a craptacular grade so I’ll give it an F. (Hardcore fans will be mad at my grade and remind me the film was edited by over 30 minutes by MGM, maybe those 30 minutes could’ve saved it, maybe they would’ve made it totally intolerable, I don’t know.)
Night of the Blood Beast (1958)- Zero budget Corman produced flick about an astronaut who crashes back to earth (to hide the fact that the budget was less than a fast food lunch they make this a top secret space mission, that way no helicopters or military uniform wearing extras are needed), apparently dead, but more in a comatose state. What is keeping him alive? What is that huge mud-bird-human looking monster lurking in the woods and how is it connected to the astronaut, who has now returned from the dead/coma? We will never really know because tough guys shoot first and ask questions later. This is typical late 50s horror/sci-fi fair and with a title like "Night of the Blood Beast" made in 1958 you should know exactly what you are getting. I wonder if the writers of "Alien" saw this back in the day. I’ll give it a C+, keeping in mind what it is (cheap) and what it isn’t (good).
Night of the Ghouls (1958)- Wow, Ed Wood at his creative peak! Are rowdy teenagers really the biggest problem in society or are strange supernatural events the biggest problem? Footage of teens dancing and fighting and lots of cop cars flying by would have you think the former, but we soon find out it is the latter we should be more concerned with. Or maybe we should be more concerned with con artists ripping off old people by faking supernatural events... Or maybe real supernatural events are the worst, or maybe those ghosts are actually providing a service, but then again they did kill some kids. Crap I don't know. What I do know is some odd things are happening back at "that Mad Scientist's house by the lake" again. Is it just a con artist holding annoyingly bad séances or is it all real, or a combination of both? What can I say; you have to see it to believe it. I just kept thinking "If these were little kids making this movie it would add up but these are adults in their 40s and 50s, they should seriously know better, or at least try harder." If you like total senseless crap you'll like this. I love this stuff except an Ed Wood movie that's 68 minutes long feels like its 2 hours long! A.
Night of the Hunter (1955)- Robert Mitchum went against type in this one. He plays a preacher who also happens to be a greedy murderer. He's half crazed with religious thoughts and weaknesses of the flesh and he plays the part incredibly well. During the depression a man robs a bank and hides the money. He tells his young son where the money is hidden just before the police kill him in a shoot out. Mitchum finds out the man hid some money and pretends to fall in love with the widow woman in order to score the ill-gotten gains. What follows is suspense at its best with great acting and cinematography. The kids in this are great actors as well and you get almost a German Expressionism feel with some of the stark black and white shots. Not strictly a horror film but an incredible suspense film. A+
Night of the Living Dead (1968)- Another of my all time favorite flicks. The recently deceased are rising up and eating the living. Yeah they're slow and stove up with rigormortus but there's so damned many of them. Definitely influenced by "The Last Man on Earth" which was an adaptation of Richard Matheson's novel "I Am Legend", and by "Carnival of Souls", this is still an original take on what amounts to the vampire legend. Ignore the flimsy explanation as to why this is happening. Great beginning, incredibly tense, well-directed middle, and a great non- Hollywood ending. Some great performances too. A+.
Night of the Living Dead (1990): Tom Savini wanted to do a little more than just effects so he sat down in the director's chair for this remake. It is pretty faithful to the original with a couple notable exceptions, which you'll have to watch to find out. It was different enough to keep me interested. Plot? The same. Some people are holed up in a farmhouse as the dead are coming back to life and craving human flesh. I liked this remake OK but I realize it really didn't have to be made and that's what I kept thinking. There's a little too much screaming too. I mean, yeah, the first couple times you see a zombie trying to eat you you'd probably scream but after awhile you'd just get down to business beeyatch. Plus, if this farmhouse is 5 miles from the nearest town where the Hell are all those zombies coming from? I guess they did show how they could hear all the hammering going on but jeezate. If you want some old school Romero zombie-ism you could do worse but if you want something original you could do much better. C.
Night of the Seagulls (1977)- I would say this was the best of the four Blind Dead flicks, the acting was better, the plot believable (believable in the sense that cult-black magic-zombie movies are believable), the cinematography was good, pretty much everything worked, except the glaring fact that the film was pretty unoriginal. Basically Ossario took the best elements from the first 3 films and crammed them into this one, all wrapped up with a plot very similar to movies like "The Wicker Man" (small village, pagan rites, etc.) What is the plot? A new doctor and his wife move to a small village where they are greeted with the cold shoulder by the locals. They hear the ‘quaint’ nightly rites taking place but think they are innocent superstitions of the locals. Soon they find out that the locals are tying up young virgins to the rocks on the beach for the Templar zombies to come and take them away. Every seven years for seven nights seven virgins have to be sacrificed, and when the locals try and kill the village idiot and take the doctor’s little hottie house keeper, well, times must change. Really it all works pretty well (if you like Euro-trash I mean) and I liked the flick but I have to knock it a mark or two for such a lack of originality and such a lame ending. B-.
Nightmare (1964)- Little Hammer flick in the vein of "Paranoic". A girl saw her mother kill her father when she was young. Her mother was put in an asylum as she was totally bonkers. The girl, now away at finishing school, is afraid the same thing may happen to her. She is sent home because of her nightmares and inability to fit in at the school. After she arrives home the nightmares actually intensify and just may not actually be nightmares. Is she going insane? Is someone just trying to make her believe she is going insane? A couple twists at the end that aren't really too shocking but over all this movie works pretty well as a well paced well acted suspense thriller. B+.
Nightmare Before Christmas, A (1993)- Is it a Halloween Horror show or a Christmas show? It's both. Jack the Pumpkin King (and King of Halloween) is tired of celebrating Halloween year after year and nothing else. He needs something new so he kidnaps Santa and highjacks Christmas, but all he and his friends know is horror and Halloween so things don't go quite as planned. Tim Burton directed and was inspired by those old school puppet/stop-motion animation classics like "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" (this is one of those shows) and Danny Elfman did the music, which is perfect. A+
Nightmare Castle (1965)- Another Barbara Steele Italian horror movie about revenge from the grave, a pretty popular subject apparently. In this one Barbara’s cold scientist husband is off to a convention, she calls on the gardener to get some satisfaction, only to get busted by the husband. He catches them, ties them up and proceeds to torture them. He runs into a snag when Barbara tells him she has changed her will (she’s loaded and he needs the cash for his experiments) to her sister who is in an asylum, how will he get all her money? Hubby kills her anyway then marries up with the sister in order to continue his experiments. He plans on driving her even more insane with the help from his eternally youthful (thanks to his experiments) maid/lover. So what we end up with is a love pentagram, with two of the participants dead! Will the sister go insane? Will the dead lovers have their revenge? Does the psychiatrist love the sister making this in fact a love hexagon? This isn’t very original material and my copy is not too good, but over all it is effective enough. Some nice atmosphere is created and the story kept me interested. I’ll give it a B-.
Nightmare City (1980)- This zombie/cannibal/vampire/nuclear accident Eurotrash flick starts strong with an unidentified airplane landing at the airport and unloading a cache of starving zombies (actually the director insisted they weren’t zombies but people who needed human blood to replace their blood as it broke down with radiation poisoning, the fact only a head shot will kill them along with the obvious influence from Romero and Fulci tips the directors zombie filled hand). The zombie attack everyone, drinking their blood and contaminating more and more people. Sadly, the intro is as good as it gets as from there on we’re subjected to about every late 70s Eurotrash cliché. Bad music, low budget, bad acting, bad dubbing, ineffective gore, TERRIBLE makeup and lots of ‘what the’ moments like the TV station that apparently only broadcasts Solid Gold dancers, people barricading doors with barrels on the inside even though the doors open ‘out’, stopping to discuss nuclear power over a hot cup of joe while being chased by zombies, and lots of excuses to show tits, including one being cut off a Solid Gold dancer. Now I can take that if we substitute some atmosphere, gore, and over all weirdness, but here there's none of that. Anyway, the zombies pretty much take over the city and we follow a reporter and his doctor wife as they try and stay alive and end up with a disappointing twist circular logic ending. D-.
Nightmare Man (2006)- I went into this with no expectations at all and, as is often the case in that situation, ended up liking it well enough. The acting is bad and the sexual ‘titillation’ is juvenile at best, as is the dialogue, but at the end of the day it works as kind of a cross between a slasher flick and "Evil Dead". A couple are having marital problems, the woman is having nightmares about demons and her meds don’t seem to be working as well as they were. Her husband is getting a little tired of it. He suggests she spend some time in an institution being watched by professionals, and then they can work out their problems when she gets her’s worked out. On the way to the clinic they run out of gas, naturally in the boonies, and the demon shows up and this time the meds aren’t working. Cut to some assholes spending time in a cabin in the woods and all hell soon breaks loose. Not real scary, not real original, but not real bad either. C+
Nightmare on Elm Street, A (1984)- SD and I snuck into the theatre to catch this one. Those were the days! Freddie is pissed; some neighborhood parents killed him for some goings on in the boiler room. He's determined to get at their kids somehow, so he invades their dreams (and pretty much everything else too), and wreaks more havoc in the neighborhood than he could have otherwise. Yeah it's more teens in trouble fluff but it is an original take on the genre and has some genuine scares. Not as good as Halloween but better than Friday the 13th. A-.
Nightmare on Elm Street II: Freddy’s Revenge, A (1985)- I went into this expecting total crap and, for the first few minutes, that’s exactly what I got. But once this one got going I was pleasantly surprised. Freddy comes off as a very serious and sinister character in this one. The refreshing original take on the slasher subgenre from the first Elm Street is gone and sure the plot, Freddy uses the new kid who just moved into ‘the house on Elm Street’ as a way to get back into the physical world and kill more kids, is fairly weak, as is some of the acting and low budget effects, but over all this isn’t a bad entry in the franchise, strange homoerotic overtones notwithstanding. B-.
Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors (1987)- Nightmare on Elm Street II was a pretty weak entry after the breakout of the first one, here a little redemption was shot for, and they came fairly close to the mark. We learn a little more about Freddie (the offspring of a thousand maniacs), and a little more supernatural element is added. The premise is a group of kids who are related to the parents who killed Freddie are under attack in their dreams and put in an asylum to work through their various problems since no one believes the boogeyman is out to get them. There are few if any true scares in this one, it’s basically the stuff you’d expect and as I’ve said before once a figure like Freddie becomes ‘known’ he’s just not scary anymore so instead he becomes an odd anti-hero. Still, I liked this one OK for what it is. B-
Nightmare on Elm Street 5: Dream Child (1989)- You gotta give’em credit for trying anyway. "A Nightmare on Elm Street" was one of my favorite horror movies and it introduced such a great character in Freddie, but the sequels, while not horrible, still just don’t really hold up to the original. Freddie just kind of became a cartoon character, but all in all that’s OK I guess. This is really just more or less a remake of the original anyway, with a girl, this time with a former alcoholic for a dad, and a bunch of other dysfunctional teens, fighting Freddie. Throw in a pregnancy angle and more references to Freddie’s origins and you have the whole movie. Freddie just seems to get more and more insanely powerful in these sequels too. Anyway, I didn’t hate it, but when you see a ‘5’ in the title you pretty much know what to expect. C+.
Nightwatch (1997)- This is a decent enough thriller about a college student who takes a job working as a night watchman in a morgue hoping he will use the time studying. His wild friend, along with his odd new job, get him tangled up in a mess as bodies from a serial killer keep coming into the morgue. Is the killer trying to frame him, is the morgue haunted? Odd and uncomfortable this is a well-directed and acted thriller with atmosphere. It gets a little blown out of proportion, as many of these films do, near the end, but it never reaches that "this is getting dumb" point. B
North by Northwest (1959)- Artistically this may not rank with Hitch’s best, but from a simple mystery/action/adventure standpoint it is at or near the top. Yes, it is basically just a rehash of Hitch’s older flicks ("Saboteur" etc.) but it simply works. I read somewhere that this movie has all the best elements of the old James Bond films, but this one has something those films didn’t have: Hitchcock! This film never takes itself too seriously, from some outrages plot twists to Carry Grant’s constant smart ass remarks we are reminded to just sit back and enjoy the ride. And what a ride it is. Grant plays an ad executive who, by a complete quirk of fate, is mistaken for a government spy, and through error after error is forced to play out the quirk of fate until the end, being chased by assassins, the police, and eventually the feds from New York to Chicago to Indiana to South Dakota. Along the way we get to see many of Hitch’s trademarks like the ‘everyman’ in the wrong place at the wrong time, inept police work, untrustworthy authorities, and conniving women. And of course several famous scenes like the crop duster chase and the climax on Mt Rushmore. Clocking in at over 2 hours it is a tad long but if you immerse yourself in the plot you won’t notice. A+
Nosferatu (1922)- A lot of times these old movies just get a pass simply because they're old. I tend to do that myself, just give them a higher grade because they are old than I would if they were newer movies. So much was new then and experimental. There was no blue print to go by so I give them the benefit of the doubt. 'Nosferatu' is one movie that, in my opinion, has not suffered from this. It deserves the accolades it gets. A masterpiece in horror, light, shadow, and mood this movie set a high bar very early on. It follows the Dracula story very closely, so closely that the estate of Bram Stoker sued and won. The English courts demanded all copies and negatives burned but luckily the Germans didn't care and kept their copies around. This truly is a masterpiece in cinematography and a milestone horror movie. Yes it's very old, yes it's silent but it's one of those movies that really started it all. A+.
Number 23, The (2007)- I had heard quite a few negative reviews about this so I had low expectations going in, so naturally I ended up liking it. Sure it has quite a few plot holes (I love how directors fill their movies with tons of symbolism that no one will actually get but then can’t actually put together a story that holds water), but over look those and you get a good story that should draw you in. There is a debate as to whether the ending is cliché or not. I thought it was sort of a let down but not bad enough ruin the rest of the film. The plot? Jim Carrey is an animal control officer. His wife stumbles across a book she thinks he might like and that same day he is bit by a strange dog that seems to have hunted him out rather than the other way around. Fate? Anyway, the book gets into Carrey’s head as he becomes convinced it is written about his life, with some details changed. He becomes obsessed with the book, and the book’s main subject, the number 23, which seems to show up everywhere, along with that damned dog. So is Carrey really like the murdering numerology obsessed detective/writer of the book or is there more to the story. Of course there’s more but I’ll stop there. There’s nothing overly original going on here but the acting and directing work with the story. The uses of color and film noir backdrops work really well in the flashback sequences too. Overall a nice twisting story, I’ll give it a very strong B.
Oasis of the Zombies (1981)- This movie is one big ol' turd! Let's see if I can lay it out for you. A couple whiny bitches are exploring an oasis out in the middle of the desert (I'm assuming somewhere in North Africa), one is very whiny and wants to leave and one wants to explore. They die. Cut to a meeting. A guy tells another guy where to find some treasure; it's in the oasis in the desert. The guy who told is killed, or drugged, or something. Zombies take forever to get out of the sand and the makeup job looks like something a 10 year old would do for Halloween (are these really supposed to be German WWII soldier zombies?). A story about Nazis with a load of gold being ambushed is told with a fairly well staged flashback, camera lingers on desert, people, stuff, time stands still. Man who told where gold is son and his annoying friends decide to find the gold. Camera lingers on desert, pointless stuff happens, time stands still. Camp is set up, other people want the gold, forced sex scene to ensure R rating, camera lingers on desert, I'm screaming at the TV to get this agony over with. Zombies rise from the sand again and attack, sort of, if that really passes for an attack. Some kids die, zombies are burned, really bad 'philosophical' ending finally roles around. This movie had bad lighting, camera work, direction, acting, dialogue, dubbing, and pretty much everything else you could think of. Kind of fun to rip on but it just moved so slow that I can't even recommend it for that. F
Oblong Box, The (1969)- Vincent Price is a member of a rich family with large land holding in Africa. After a terrible accident a curse is placed on his brother and they return home to England to live in isolation. His brother is determined to get out of that attic he's locked in and comes up with a pretty desperate plan that then backfires, sort of. Christopher Lee shows up as a doctor who becomes the victim of some blackmailing. All in all this is a pretty effective movie with some cool witchdoctor/voodoo scenes and pretty effective ending, and plot twist. Interesting, original, well filmed (except the day for night scenes) and well acted. The only exception would be the weak makeup job on the cursed brother. A-.
Old Dark House, The (1932)- James Whale's character study about different people all trapped in an 'old dark house' while a storm rages outside. This movie has a lot of talk and little action, which is OK sometimes and works here sometimes, but not all the time. There was some cutting edge frank (for the times) sex talk and talk of atheism and then a lot of mumbo jumbo and by the time we rolled around to the climax I didn't care much anymore. Not a bad flick and pretty far ahead of it's time in the way it is done but not much in the 'horror' department. C+.
Omega Man, The (1971)- This is a remake of "The Last Man On Earth" which it seems many people hate but I actually liked well enough. Both are of course based on Richard Matheson’s book "I Am Legend" (as, at least to some degree, is "Night of the Living Dead", "28 Days Later" and of course film of the same name) but this one adds a bigger budget and a tougher main character in Charlton Heston. Heston is apparently the last (Omega) man on earth and tools around LA in some nice rides, scavenging for whatever he needs. He’s obviously lonely as Hell and we soon learn is being hunted by some sort of zombie/vampire types, but he hunts back! It’s not long before we are then assaulted by some pretty heavy handed 70s clichés, music, slang, race relations, and clothes as Heston takes on the zombie/vampires and learns he is in fact not the last man (or person) on earth. The end is pretty predictable and that last shot of Heston is well, an interesting choice. They tried so hard to make the movie relevant to the times that they made it totally irrelevant to any time so it really doesn’t hold up too well at all but early on it almost manages to capture that elusive ‘feeling’ of desolation these movies need to succeed for me personally. Yeah, it is very dated and definitely looses steam and believability with ‘honky paradise’ type of lines and the heinous soundtrack but still, it is a classic. B.
Omen, The (1976)- The late 60s seemed like they might just be "The End Times" and movies like "Rosemary's Baby" and "The Exorcist" played on those fears. "The Omen" more or less picks up where "Rosemary's Baby" left off. A terrible secret comes back to haunt Ambassador Thorn. Apparently his son died at birth and he has been raising someone else's son, or, maybe 'something' else's son. This movie takes its subject matter very seriously and maintains a level of believability often missed in movies like this. This really is a classic that holds up well. Followed by two pale sequels. A+
Omen, The (2006)- The new millennium seems like it might just be "The End Times" and movies like "The Day After Tomorrow" and "Megiddo" play on those fears. "The Omen" runs with that theme. A terrible secret comes back to haunt Ambassador Thorn. Apparently his son died at birth and he has been raising someone else's son, or, maybe 'something' else's son. This movie takes its subject matter very seriously and maintains a level of believability often missed in movies like this. Sound familiar? It should, this remake basically changed nothing from the original. I kept thinking, "Why did they bother to even make this?" But it all works, it should since it worked the first time too. I'll give it a B+ because the acting and directing were really good, but just watch the original if you can't decide between the two.
One Body Too Many (1944)- The Tin man from the Wizard of Oz plays an insurance salesman who winds up protecting a dead body from family members who want to change the dead man's will. Yeah, it's a strange plot (that's been done a million times on stage and film) but it works for the most part in this murder mystery/comedy. Bela Lugosi plays the (PLOT SPOILER) butler but is just a red herring. They set him up nicely making you think he's trying to poison everyone but it's pretty obvious he's really not. This is a good old school comedy mystery that I recommend if you like that sort of thing and can find it. My only complaint is it drags as it gets near the end and should have been a little shorter. B
Orphanage, The (2007)- A gal who used to live in an orphanage for handicapped kids returns years later to reopen it. Her husband (who is a doctor) and adopted son (who is HIV positive) come along as well. Strange things start happening almost right off the bat, but they of course blame it on their son’s over active imagination, until he disappears and then the wife is willing to pull out all the stops to find him. We have slowly building tension throughout and some effective scare scenes as well. I liked everything about this flick, the directing, the acting, the believable dialogue (it is in Spanish so I was reading subtitles), the settings, the cinematography. Yup, it was all really well done, and yet I still didn’t really like the movie overall. I’m not even sure why, it just felt there was a lot of slowly building tension but no real payoff. Not so much the ending, which was OK, just overall I felt let down. I guess I just kept thinking ‘saw it’. I think I will give this a C+, it probably deserves a higher grade but I just couldn’t quite get into it. If you like slow building ghost stories, and I do, then you should like this, even though I really didn’t.
Others, The (2001)- During the dark days of WWII in England (actually I believe it takes place on an island near England) a woman tries to raise her kids as best she can on little food and with no husband (he's gone off to war). She takes in some help and makes the best of it, but strange things are afoot as she and her kids hear sounds and rooms are rearranged etc. This show got some bad reviews but screw those guys. Good ghost stories are hard to find and even harder to pull off in a full-length movie and this time they pull it off. It's suspenseful, scary, interesting, and twisty. The acting is really good too as the over-protective mother tries to make the best of a really bad situation. I say Zombie movies are my favorite sub-genre but the old fashioned ghost story is probably my favorite, it's just that there are so few original ones that they get over looked. A+.
Paradine Case, The (1947)- Hitch flick (but not horror, sorry) about a lawyer defending a woman accused of poisoning her husband. The lawyer is smitten with the woman and soon falls for her (people fall in love at the drop of a hat in these old flicks). He’s not building a very good case because he doesn’t ever want to hear anything negative about the gal, or her relationships, I’m thinking he should drop the case, he thinks about it but his wife tells him not to. He proceeds until the interesting court room scene when all the beans are spilled. While not really on par with some of Hitch’s great stuff, this is still an interesting character study with some good acting and an interesting plot and twist at the end. If you like court room dramas you’ll probably dig this one. B+
Paranoic (1963)- A little black and white Hammer gem. Apparently some filthy rich folks were killed in an airplane crash 11 years before, their oldest son Tony, depressed with the loss of his parents killed himself 3 years later. Now the middle child, son Simon is about to inherit his share of the family fortune, and he may be getting the youngest daughter's share as well as it seems she is going down the insane path Tony went down. Is Simon driving her insane? Did Tony commit suicide? If not where has he been the last 8 years? And what is the aunt trying to hide in the chapel? Weirdness a 'plenty in this examination of bat shit insane rich folk. Yes the plot is a little convoluted and no, it wouldn't hold up to too much examination but this movie still works pretty well. It moves nicely and is very well directed (if possible catch the letter box version) with nice black and white photography, fluid camera work, and interesting use of light and focus. The acting is mostly good (with a few parts a little over the top) too. A-.
Paranormal Activity (2006)- Point of view flick about a couple who are experiencing weird things in their house. The ‘things’ are centered on the woman, who has had these types of experiences since she was a child. Her boyfriend wants video evidence so he films everything, she wants the problem solved so she brings in a psychic, who the boyfriend belittles and then pretty much does the opposite of what the psychic suggests, which, naturally, makes their situation much worse. This one consists of filler to get character development, followed by shots of weirdness as the couple sleeps, the events intensify until... well, I thought the end was effective but I would have changed one thing about, that’s all I’ll say. Over hyped yes, but effective still; it does contain some genuinely scary moments, the type of moments that tend to pop back in your head when you wake up at 3AM and have to get up to go to the bathroom. This works mainly because it is easy to identify with the two people, the girl who at first is fun and bubbly, but becomes increasingly afraid, and the boyfriend who doesn’t really believe what is happening until he has proof, and even then is compelled to ‘protect his turf’. If you need plot twists, character development, artsy directing, then this, like all POV movies, is not for you. If you want that real feel these movies can give you (when they work) then this is a must see. A.
Peeping Tom (1960)- This guy is a photographer. He does work in the movies and a little soft-core porn on the side. He also has a strange fetish. He likes seeing women scared, not pretending to be scared but really scared. So, in order to really scare them he makes snuff films. He also gets a charge out of filming the cops and coroner in the aftermath. He knows he's destined to get caught so he hurries to try and get the perfect shot, who will his perfect shot be of? His neighbor who he is falling for? Her mother who is blind and has been 'watching' him? Or someone else? This is a great suspense thriller. It is low budget and the look and beatnik/hard bop soundtrack is dated sounding now, but despite those flaws this movie was way ahead of its time. There is a rawness and 'realness' to it that would become common in the 70s with movies like "Texas Chainsaw..." and "Last House on the Left". 1960 was a watershed moment in realistic modern horror/suspense with the release of "Peeping Tom", France's "Eyes Without a Face", and "Psycho". A.
Penny Dreadful (2006)- Another of the "Eight Movies To Die For". Penny has a phobia. She hasn't been able to ride in cars ever since she was in a bad accident and saw her mother die. Now she’s wanting to get serious about a guy and knows it’s time to over come that fear. Her therapist suggests going on the same road trip to the mountains that she was on when the accident happened. Her therapist will drive and prove nothing bad will happen. Oh but is she ever wrong. It so happens an escapee from a mental institution is roaming the hills offing folks. He discovers Penny's phobia and uses it against her to torture her. For the most part this movie is pretty effective. Some very suspenseful directing and most of the acting is good (some is fairly bad though). There were a couple of times I was thinking "alright, let’s get a move on" as neither the actress nor the director were quite capable of pulling off long scenes taking place in the confines of a car, and the predictable "She’s saved... oh wait" gets old. Still I’ll give this one a strong B.
Perkins 14 (2009)- A cop in a small town in Alaska is having trouble coping. His son was kidnapped about 10 years ago during a rash of kidnappings (14 to be exact) and ever since he’s been losing himself in the booze while he looses his family to the alienation caused by the loss and the fact the crime was never solved. Then a break in the case... except no one really believes it is a break since he’s chased so many dead ends already. This time though it turns out to be a break when a psychiatrist is busted for running from the cops, further investigation shows he is the kidnapper of the 14 kids and kept them locked in cages and treated them brutally. What we also soon find out is the kids are still alive and have been deprived of all their humanity and are now roving cannibalistic lunatics. An interesting premise which falls a little short, I just kept thinking "I’ve seen this before", kind of "28 Days Later" meets "Assault on Precinct 13". The kids are basically made up to look like zombies, which really makes no sense, and neither does the total anarchy they are causing all over town. Still, if you suspend a little belief and forget the obvious problems this is a well made well acted horror film. It is low budget with lots of quick shaky dark shots and flashing lights so if you aren’t a fan of that type of direction you may not dig this one, but really, ignoring the flaws, I liked it. B
Pet Semetary (1989)- Though I am generally not impressed with Stephen King material this is one that I always liked. The acting is really good (especially Fred Gwynne [Herman Munster] as the neighbor) and the scares are effective. A young family moves into a house on a very busy highway. After their cat is killed the neighbor tells them about a pet cemetery nearby that legend tells can bring back the dead, problem is, they are never quite the same. Of course tragedy later strikes when their young son is killed and you can guess the rest. The directing and effects work pretty well, especially the haunting visits from the wife’s deceased sister. B+.
Phantasm (1979)- Another horror flick from my youth. I remember catching this on the late show one night when I was probably about 10 or 11. The tall man really freaked me out. A kid is watching a funeral when he notices the tall man lift a coffin by himself despite it weighing well over 500 lbs. One strange event leads to another when we find out aliens are actually running the funeral home for their own nefarious purposes. There is some more detail involving gravity but let's not get into that. This is an effective horror movie with a scifi twist. It's a pretty original idea too so I give it credit in that department. The special effects are bad and the acting is terrible at times. The older brother is the worst and the younger brother needs a good beatin'. A bad 70s song and a little camp involving an ice cream truck round it all out. I still dig it. B+.
Phantom Creeps, The (1939)- Oh lord, this is some craptacular stuff! Bela Lugosi plays the nefarious Dr. Zorca. He’s a wicked bad inventor with all kinds of inventions all powered by the unbelievable meteorite power source he found in Africa. He also knows he could destroy the world with his power. He kicks around selling it to the highest bidder but when he accidentally kills his wife he gets all bent out of shape and blames the government and decides to exact his revenge. He must have a really good plan cooked up because he seems to pass up every chance he has at getting his revenge. I mean with that meteorite, a giant (hilarious) evil looking robot, and the ability to make himself invisible you’d think getting back at folks really wouldn’t be too tough. (He’s also invented a machine that instantly heals gunshot wounds which in and of itself would make him a fortune.) But the bad Dr. just makes bad decision after bad decision until he just totally flies off the handle at the end. This was originally one of those serials people endured before the real movie started but the version I saw was edited down to about 80 minutes and you could tell! Pretty much everything about this is craptacular so if you like really bad effects, terrible robots, mad scientists with uselessly stupid inventions, blonde bombshell reporters, hip G-Men, and painful stock footage (including the Hindenburg crash) all rolled together in a package of hammy acting and terrible directing then this is for you. I seriously loved it! A+ on the craptacular scale.
Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1956)- This almost deserved a high grade on the craptacular scale. It pretty much offers everything lovers of the craptacular look for. Terrible dialogue, rotten acting, horrid editing, draw the guns first search with no search warrant fascist cops, and things like the fact that due to budgetary constraints they only had one small row boat to work with so commercial fishermen used it, oceanographers used it, scuba divers used it, everyone used it. And the phantom's monster suit, wow, it was worse than the worst Japanese monster flicks’ monster suits, I mean they weren’t even trying! So why do I say almost, well, despite the awesome badness, it was just too damned slow moving at times. One more thing, whenever I hear people talk about how everyone had manners in the ‘50s I’ll tell them to watch this show. Jeez, everyone basically treats everyone like crap, lying to each other, spying on each other, cops treating everyone like total crap and pushing people around, people stabbing each other in the back, screw these people! So what’s going on? People have been dying (while fishing in little row boats) so some scientists start looking into it... Or do some of them actually have something to do with? Is it caused by radiation? Could it be turned into a deadly weapon and sold? Is the ‘Phantom' actually real and does is it guarding something? I’ll give it a B- on the craptacular scale.
Phantom of the Opera (1925)- You know the story. Man is horribly scared, falls for beautiful woman, must have beautiful woman. A silent classic, maybe more thriller then horror but it proved such movies could be successful on a large scale. Lon Cheney plays the part with old school gusto and his makeup during the Masque Ball and at the unmasking are maybe second only to the original Frankenstein makeup. The tinting during different scenes and the color during the ball are also great so if you can, try and catch the original tinted version. A+
Phantom of the Opera (1962)- Hammer's take on the classic Universal Monster Movie seems to have a little too much opera and not quite enough Phantom. This is a well-directed and acted movie and seems to have had a generous budget that was well spent, great sets, great costumes, and great music (if you don't mind opera). Over all this is a good movie but definitely leans more towards the romantic side of the story rather than the horror side and the unmasking is very disappointing as the Phantom doesn't really seem all that disfigured, at least compared to Lon Chaney's makeup. Well made but disappointing for me personally. C+.
Picture of Dorian Grey (1945)- I've heard a lot of good things about this book and this movie so I checked it out from the library (the movie not the book, although I plan on reading the book when I have the time). A young man who is rich and handsome believes youth and beauty are the most important things you can possess so he wishes that a recently finished portrait of himself would bear the brunt of time while he remains the same. He gets his wish but in exchange is forced to do terrible deeds (kind of a 'sell your soul to the devil' deal). Years pass and Dorian remains the same. The movie is black and white but the portrait shots are in color. The portrait ages and becomes more hideous with each evil Dorian commits and this is an effective device. And that's about all that's effective in this movie. No one's all that amazed that Dorian hasn't changed a bit in years and Dorian just goes through the paces. We never know what the evil deeds he does are as they are really only hinted at so we never really even know what's going on. Disappointing. C-.
Pit and the Pendulum, The (1961)- Vincent Price's dad was an inquisitor and he witnessed some heinous stuff when he was young, including the torture of his mother. Rough childhood. Luckily he's grown out of all that stuff and has a lovely and caring young wife... or has he... or is she... Nice twist on the Poe tale (which as it is wouldn't make for much of a full length movie but makes for a great read). I really liked the twist and twist again ending too. Corman was hitting his stride with these Poe/Price vehicles at this time and I think this is one of his best. Great sets, color, and acting throughout. A.
Plague of Zombies (1966)- A Hammer Classic. In the scheme of zombie flicks, zombies are still Voodoo slaves but have moved along into scary looking, evil doing folks, not just sleep walking slaves, which is a big leap forward. A man is slowly turning townsfolk into zombies to work his mines. A brilliant young doctor is out of ideas as to why people are dying so he calls in his professor to help out. Some shocking and influential scenes come from this movie including the dropped and broken coffin, mass rising of the dead in the graveyard, and the shovel decapitation. There are some nice camp moments too like the police catching the good doctors digging up graves. Well-directed, written, and acted story when Hammer was still peaking. A.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)- Of course the joke is "What happened to plans 1 through 8?" Who cares? Voted as the worst movie of all time (although I think "Showgirls" might have replaced it) it has that sweet "I could seriously do better than this with some crappy gear in my basement" feel to it. Simply the worst sets ever in a movie and the some of the worst acting ever. Which is why it's become such a cult favorite and a favorite of mine! Aliens have apparently been trying to invade Earth and have failed 8 times. Plan 9 has them raising the dead to use as an army of zombies. I'll give it an A for awful.
Planet of the Apes (1968)- This is a sci-fi classic that has been honored and parodied, held in esteem and laughed at over the years. Although some bits are dated and Charlton Heston is a pretty rotten actor (and also a terrible leader, how did he get chosen to be the captain of the ship?) I still say this is a great one that holds up well. You probably know the story. A three man one woman crew set off in a spaceship which travels near the speed of light. They’re trying to find new worlds and explore them, although they know they will never be able to return to Earth since time travels much slower for those going near the speed of light. They land on a planet remarkably similar to Earth and find primitive humans and soon discover the humans are hunted and experimented on by apes. The topics that are tackled next are none too subtle as we realize that the ape religion and rule of law are trying desperately hard to conceal the truth from the larger ape population. Man is simply too violent and too destructive to be trusted, but who was actually advanced first? Although I won’t bother revealing it I’m sure everyone knows the classic twist ending (the remake followed the book closer, including its twist ending). A+.
Planet Terror (2007)- From the Grindhouse double feature. Here we have a military experiment gone awry. Some soldiers have been exposed to a gas and now they must get an antidote, but in the process of acquiring it, it leaks and exposes a town to it’s less desirable side effect of turning them into flesh eating zombies. Soon all Hell breaks loose and we get tons of movie references, everything from "Dawn of the Dead" to "Escape from New York" (plus an awesome appearance by Tom Savini, be sure and catch his demise!). Sure it is completely over the top, but we knew that going in and it delivers the goods in the gore and camp departments very well. No, there’s nothing terribly original here, but that’s kind of the whole idea, it is literally a mishmash of all that has come before and in that it succeeds. A.
Poltergeist (1982)- I remember riding my bike to see this at the movies. I must have been 11 or 12 and was surprised even then at the PG rating. This is a frightening movie, although the look of it is very '80s' it holds up well. A family is living in a subdivision owned by a real estate company the father of the family is the salesman for. When they start digging for a swimming pool odd things start to happen, very odd, including the disappearance of their daughter, which brings in a team of parapsychologists. When it is decided they can do nothing they bring in a psychic played incredibly well by Zelda Rubinstein. Everything about this movie is based on childhood fears. The scary clowns, the evil looking tree, monsters in the closet and under the bed, thunder and lightning, it is all meant to bring back those old fears and it works on that level. The FX don't hold up real well anymore but Tobe Hooper did a great job of directing a great story. A+
Poltergeist II (1986)- What happens when you take a good ghost story movie and then basically redo it but the second time out just blow everything completely out of proportion to the point where it just passes beyond any ability to suspend belief? You get this movie. The family move into a new home, grandma knows about talking to ghosts, it’s hereditary blahblahblah... Then "they’re back" and we’re off on basically the exact same story we had in part one only this time everything is, yes, blown completely out of proportion. More ghosts, more clairvoyants, more special effects, more time staying away from the light, which leads to a hilarious painfully bad ending. The only plus is the main ghost villain; his brief appearance is some classic stuff and he actually showed up in one of my nightmares once. D+.
Poltergeist III (1988)- What can I say? This movie is a sad piece of crap. All the originals had bailed before this turd came out of the asshole of Hollywood except that poor little girl who had to have it end up as the last movie she'd make. Apparently she's staying with her aunt and uncle who love her... Or do they? They are rich as fuck and live in a huge high rise, which is now haunted by that old guy from Poltergeist II. Seriously, there is nothing remotely scary about this movie and it's just too painful to give the ol' MST3K treatment to. I mean these people are trying really hard to be scary and failing badly. Don't waste your time. F.
Predator (1987)- The hunters become the hunted in this nice twist of an old plot. An alien has come to earth on a hunting trip and has chosen to hunt a team of American commandoes on a rescue mission in the jungle. This is a well-made, suspenseful sci-fi horror movie in the "Alien" vein (the two franchises would eventually be combined with mixed results). I have always liked this one and I give it a strong A.
Predator 2 (1990)- Decent enough plot idea, move the hunting alien to LA where the effects of a hot summer drought and drug land war have the city on edge already. Enter over the top smart-aleck reporter a la all 40s horror movies and an assortment of heroes and villains for the drug war subplot and you wind up with a good idea gone bad. This sequel was just a little too over the top for me. C-.
Premature Burial, The (1962)- Corman and Poe made a good team, even though Poe had been dead for many years. Ray Milland (not Vincent Price) plays the victim of paranoia who fears being buried alive so much that it affects his entire life and of course, the force of his beliefs make the nightmare come true. This is a good old school Corman production with the fog machines working over time. Not as atmospheric as some but it passes. The ending was nice but you could see the twist coming pretty far off so no real surprises. This could've probably been great with Price in the lead. B.
Prince of Darkness (1987)- Underrated and almost forgotten little gem from John Carpenter about a religious order who have, for thousands of years, kept Satan locked up and away from the world, but Satan’s time is coming and he’s looking to get out. Weird stuff is happening all around the church, which sits in a run down neighborhood, as the end of times nears. A group of advanced physics students set up shop with lots of scientific gear to try and explain what is happening via science, I doubt that’ll work out so well for them. Like many Carpenter films a palpable sense of dread and suspense builds as we inch towards the conclusion. Carpenter was a student of Hitchcock’s and, while many Hitchcock fans might resent the comparison, I am a fan of both and see many similarities. The very end is a bit of a let down but what do you expect really? A.
Prophecy, The (1995)- On the surface this seems like a fairly silly premise. Apparently there has been a war in heaven for a couple of thousand years. This is now the second war the angels have had (the first being lead by Lucifer, he was cast out you know). This one is lead by Gabriel, who is pissed that God gave humans souls. There has been a stalemate for quite some time, and now, with the death of one of the evilest humans ever, that stalemate could come to an end if the rebel angels end up with his soul. A cop, who almost became a priest but lost his faith after visions of the war, and a school teacher whose young student befriends the good angel Simon and receives an unpleasant but necessary gift from him, become caught up in the middle of the angels quest for this particular soul. It mixes Catholic mythology with screen writers’ mythology, and adds a small dash of American Indian mythology for good measure. Yeah, it is weird, but for the most part it works. The casting is great, especially Christopher Walken as Gabriel. The perfect amount of sinister darkness and humor blend to make the character a lot of fun. Of course a plot like this isn’t going to stand up to any real scrutiny, but that’s not the point of it so don’t waste your time. Just sit back and enjoy a good story with some good acting and some over the top effects at the end. B+
Psycho (1960)- What can I say about this flick that hasn't already been said. It is indeed a masterpiece from the master. Hitchcock is that rare example where his popularity and accolades are more than deserved. "Psycho" follows a woman who is in the process of making some bad decisions, these bad decisions lead her to the Bates Motel where she decides to go back and face the music for her decision making, but, as we know, it is too late for that. Hitch kills off his female lead about 1/3 into the movie, so where do we go from here. Well we try and figure out just what happened to her. One of Hitch's devices was to let the audience in on most of what was going on, that way you more or less knew what to expect (or at least you thought you did) and that's one thing that leads to a lot of the suspense, the waiting, and then the twist, and this one delivers a really good twist for those that haven't seen it (if there are any out there). Of course the shower scene is one of the most famous sequences in any genre of movies, from the music to the visuals, it is known more for what it doesn't show, and the influence it would play on future 'slasher' flicks, of which this is really the first. I admit to giving too many As in my grades since I get carried away sometimes but this movie truly deserves an A+.
Pulse (2001)- First let me say this thing moves at a snail’s pace and the acting isn’t really all that great. Those would be the negatives, but the good I think, outweighs the bad, and what’s the good? The atmosphere; this thing creates an oppressive dark atmosphere that permeates everything on screen; it really is an amazing feat in that sense, and some of the visuals work incredibly well also. The plot involves the idea that the dead are lonely and bored as Hell, they find a way to get back into our world using technology, and in the process eliminate people who visit the Website the dead are using. It is all very surreal and obviously not meant to be taken literally (looking at how technology is actually isolating us rather than bringing us together) so if you are looking for cohesive narrative and spoon-fed plot then stay away! Other than the tedious pacing I was really into this one, it sort of reminded me of the old German Expressionist type of films, especially Dr. Mabuse. A-.
Quarantine (2008)- Point of view movie about a reporter and cameraman riding along with a firefighter/first responder crew one night. The first call they go on turns out to be a call about a very sick woman in a small apartment complex. She is delirious and obviously sick, she also attacks them, biting a police officer on the neck and tossing one of the firefighters over a stairwell. Turns out she may be suffering from a very contagious and rapid gestating version of rabies. It seems the CDC knows about the infection outbreak and completely cuts off the apartment complex from the outside world. Naturally, other folks inside become infected and all hell breaks loose. Shot in the point of view style like "Blair Witch..." it, for me anyway, works this time. This is what Romero’s "Diary of the Dead" should’ve been. It was very well done, with believable acting and some great fast paced shots. If you dislike this style then you will probably dislike this movie though so keep that in mind. My only complaint is it gets a little long in the tooth as we near the end with a little too much running around and screaming. Although the end became tedious I did like the conclusion. A.
Quatermass Xperiment (1956)- Quartermass, a rocket scientist, (apparently pronounced "Quoitamus") launched a rocket with 3 astronauts on board. He had no one's permission to do this and things then go awry. The rocket crashes into a farmer's field and two of the 3 astronauts are gone and the 3rd is in shock. He is put in the hospital for observation and convinces his wife to help him escape. She does and he turns into a monster that begins killing. Meanwhile the police try and figure out what is going on while Quartmass is all cocky and kind of a dick. At the end, despite the death and destruction he has caused, Quartermass is ready to start all over. This was Hammer's first 'horror' film (although it was kind of an combo sci-fi/horror) and is an obvious influence on the plot of "Alien". It was based on a TV series and had 2 sequels ("Quatermass and the Pit" being my personal favorite as I saw it at the theatre when I was a kid during the PTA Summer Movies). There's nothing great about this one, I guess I would call it 'efficient'. B-.
Raven, The (1935)- Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff's second teaming has mixed results. Lugosi plays a plastic surgeon whose ego is second only to God's. He's a big E. Poe fan and keeps a nice collection of Poe torture implements and other macabre memorabilia on hand. A rich and powerful man's daughter is in an accident and begs Lugosi to come out of retirement to fix her face. The appeal that he is the only Dr. good enough works and, after the recovered daughter does an interpretive dance of Poe's "The Raven" (don't ask) to thank Lugosi, Lugosi falls for her and must have her. When he realizes he can't have her then everyone, including a black mailed crook played by Karloff, must pay. Lugosi gives his usual over the top performance but only later, after it is realized he has gone insane. For the first part of the movie he is very restrained yet edgy. A lot of folks hate this movie but I really liked it. Maybe it's no "Black Cat" but it still works. There are some silly plot devices (entire rooms that act as an elevators and such) and some typical rotten 30's camp but get beyond the weak points and this isn't a bad film. B.
Re-Animator (1985)- If you like campy horror al la "Evil Dead", "Return of the Living Dead" or "Dead Alive" then you’ll like this. It is almost a masterpiece in that sub-genre. There is no doubt; this flick plays by its own rules. We start out with Herbert West, a very bright and promising med student whose professor and mentor apparently has died, Herbert thinks he can bring him back from the dead. Things go slightly awry and he has to leave the country (Switzerland) and shows up at the famous Miskatonic Medical School, where he rents a room from another student who is dating the dean’s daughter (which makes for some blackmail material), and promptly clashes with the head professor there. You see Herbert has a solution that can re-animate the dead, sort of... One thing leads to another and we’re off and running down the road with insane reanimated corpses, mad scientists, a decapitated body and its love interest, and a room full of walking cadavers. The casting, especially Jeffry Combs as West, is perfect for this over-the-top, take-it-so-seriously-that-we’re-obviously-not-taking-it-seriously approach. A very strong A.
Reaping, The (2007)- When I first saw the previews for this I thought "That looks pretty cool, plus that gal from ‘Million Dollar Baby’ is in it and she generally makes quality flicks." And that’s more or less true. The plot, like many newer horror movies, borrows freely from plots past. Here we have a combination of "The Seventh Sign", "Rosemary’s Baby", and "The Omen". So we’re keeping pretty good company. We have a town deep in the Louisiana bayou that fears the seven plagues are coming upon them because of a family of ‘devil worshippers’ that lives nearby. The river has turned blood red, frogs, flies, sick cattle. It’s all there and it’s all to be disproved by the levelheaded scientist who has made a career out of debunking miracles. She’s got a past though and it keeps coming back to haunt her. A not real surprising twist ending and some over the top bad special effects round it all out. So my opinion? It’s a good movie that falls short on the originality scale, but, except for some bad effects, it works. Although it never becomes campy, you get the feeling that it never takes itself too seriously so, in this case, that helps too. I’ll give it a strong C+.
Rear Window (1954)- Jimmy Stewart is a famous photographer. Not the type that takes pictures of models in a studio, the type that takes pictures of wild animals in Africa, or wars in far off lands. Too bad he’s stuck in a wheel chair with a broken leg looking out the window of his apartment, which just looks out at the back of U shaped apartment building. He watches his neighbors with idle curiosity, and then begins to wonder what happened to one particular neighbor’s wife. Did the neighbor kill her or is he looking for adventure in his boring condition? Another paranoid, trapped, Hitchcock masterpiece, setting adventure and mystery in mundane situations. This is one of my favorite Hitch flicks and that says a lot. A+.
Rebecca (1940)- While obviously not horror in the modern sense this is a classic gothic horror/suspense thriller which many consider Hitchcock’s first real masterpiece. It is dark, moody, unpredictable and well acted and paced (suffice it to say it is well directed but that goes without saying). Mr. DeWinter is filthy rich and spending some time in Monte Carlo, there he meets a snobbish rich lady’s paid companion, falls in love with her, marries her, and takes her back to his English mansion called Manderlay. There the new Mrs. DeWinter (who’s first name we never learn, which is part of the idea of her being a nameless replacement) is haunted by the memory of the first Mrs. DeWinter (the title’s Rebecca) who died in a sailing accident... or did she? Every where she turns there is a memory, or a reminder, but she is too young, too shy, and too naive to really do anything about it. She’s way out of her element and things are only made worse for her by the head house maid, who was a little too fond of Rebecca, and wants to make sure the new Mrs. DeWinter doesn’t supplant the old. I’ll give this one a very strong A, if you like Hitch’s slow paced suspense flicks you’ll like this.
REC (2007)- This was remade in America and called "Quarantine", this is the original Spanish version. Although I saw the American version a couple years prior to seeing this one, it seems, from what I remember they are very similar. The American makers obviously knew not to mess too much with what was already a great flick! And this is a great flick. The story? A reporter and her cameraman work for a show called "While You Were Asleep" where they follow people who have night jobs. This episode they follow the night shift of a fire department/first responder crew. The first call they go on is for a lady who has been screaming in her apartment building and may be hurt. Hurt indeed, she seems to sway from semi-catatonic to very violent at the drop of a hat. She bites a policeman, attacks a fireman, and slowly the pot begins to boil over as we find out there is an infection at work in the apartment, turning folks into living very angry zombies, and bringing a quarantine from the government. This is a point of view film so I will start by saying if you hate that style then stay away. For me, I like them generally, and here it simply works very well. I really dug the American version but knocked it a partial grade (from A+ to A) because I felt the end became just a tad too chaotic. I didn’t get that vibe here (maybe because I saw this one on the small screen and maybe because reading subtitles with a POV film is trickier than a regular film since the dialogue tends to move faster and people interrupt one another more so I focused on that at times), and yeah, it is "28 Days Later" in POV, either way an A+ it is.
Recycle (2008)- This starts out like a very typical Asian horror film. A writer who is known for her love stories decides to write a horror novel, and it seems she may be getting too involved in her work as weird sounds, images, and shadows begin to show up, effective but I was starting to think "saw it". Then all of a sudden the gal finds herself in another dimension and we’re off into a very strange fantasy/horror film in sort of almost a "Lord of the Rings" vibe; very weird as the gal tries to find her way back with the help of a little girl, dodging zombies, ghosts, and generally bad situations (all based around the idea that they are rejected ideas, left in the 'recycle bin'). It felt like one of those video game movies except better and in the end kind of had a ham fisted message that may have been over the top, depending on how you feel about such things. This is a tough one to grade, I think I’ll drop a B+ on it, I dug it for the most part, but did find it a tad over the top.
Red Planet Mars (1952)- Don't worry, the makers of this film were not communist. After years of trying a scientist and his wife, who is prone to fits of irrationality, silly woman, make contact with aliens on Mars. The aliens beam back their amazement that we are still using fossil fuels, and so all around old fashioned. Of course they are also amazed that we didn't accept Jesus' message of 'Love Thy Neighbor'. Wait a minute are these really Martians talking? Cold War propaganda ensues. This movie is goofy but I have to admit it kept me interested. Not really horror, but the collapse of governments is scary. C+.
Reeker (2005)- This one starts out as just another ‘teens in trouble‘ flick. They are going to a concert (of course), some are meeting for the first time (of course) some are smart asses (of course). Everything is just painfully unoriginal and I was thinking "seen it!" And yet, as the plot unfolded (the kids are trapped at a diner in the middle of the desert... of course... and are suddenly all alone and being chased by someone or something... of course) I found myself being pulled in. No, it never went beyond the unoriginal and the characters do the typical stupid stuff horror movie characters do but I was genuinely interested in finding out what was happening to them and the twist ending was a good enough payoff for me. Despite the negatives I have to admit I was into this one and liked the Twilight Zone ending. B+.
Reincarnation (2006)- Japanese horror in the vein of "The Ring" and "The Grudge". Creepy visuals and well acted story about a man who has a theory about death and fury lingering or being reincarnated so he kills his family, the staff of the hotel they are staying at, and then himself. Needless to say his theory is proven true. In a bizarre twist a director is filming a movie about the event, which seems to trigger the 'fury'. This has all the standard Japanese horror movie parts like grey faced ghosts, creepy dolls, and bloody deaths. Right now there seems to be some good horror coming out of Japan and I would put this in that category, but they need to be careful not to fall into cliché. B+.
Repo Man (1984)- Cult 80s sci-fi flick about... Well I’m not 100% sure what it’s about. Basically a punk becomes a repo man when he realizes it could be pretty exciting compared to his regular job. A cast of insane characters shows up and we’re off on a romp as everyone is trying to get their hands on an old Chevy Malibu that may be a radioactive spaceship that has a neutron bomb in the trunk. Insanity ensues. This one is a classic that I remember catching back in the day, I liked it then and it holds up pretty well in the ‘weird cult movie’ subgenre now, just remember that everything about this movie is over the top. Great soundtrack too with Iggy Pop, The Modern Lovers, Circle Jerks, etc. A.
Resident Evil (2002)- I’ll just cut to the chase, everything that is wrong with modern Hollywood Horror is contained in this one movie. I guess I shouldn’t complain as this one is unapologetically aimed squarely at the pubescent video game loving crowd and in that it hits its mark. Action figure JC Penney catalogue model heroes (and villains), complete with our heroin walking around in a red miniskirt, black leather knee high boots, and a leather jacket, which makes for some wicked good kung fu clothes (apparently the only way to stop a Resident Evil zombie is a full clip from a sub machine gun to the head or a kick from those leather boots). Sure there’s lots of action, bullets firing, sometimes in slow motion, zombies popping up at the most opportune times, etc. but the whole time I just felt like I was watching someone else play a video game, which I guess in a sense I was. The characters are flat, the acting terrible (lots of monosyllable monotone tough guy lines), and the scenes pretty much all stolen from other movies (for better or worse they are stolen from the Alien movies, not zombie movies, for instance, how come this huge underground lab looks very much like the inside of one of space ships from alien?). The plot? A huge corporation (The Umbrella Corporation, seriously) with its giant underground facility (next to Raccoon City, seriously), is developing viruses, doing genetic experiments, etc.etc. When something goes wrong the facility's computer (complete with silly hologram and English accent) closes the place off, very very slowly, by gassing everyone and erasing their memories and setting a timer to close blast doors in a couple of hours, a team of superduper soldiers arrives and goes in to try and figure out what went wrong and finds zombies... Does any of this make sense? Yeah it makes sense if your playing a video game but if you’re watching a movie it’s crap. I often say a movie won't hold up to much scrutiny but this one doesn't hold up to any, like why do some of these lab techs know martial arts so well? Maybe you have to play the game, in which case, why bother evenmaking a movie? I’ll give it a D+ as on the rare occasion a zombie or two looked effective and there was a second or two I felt a little suspense.
Return, The (2006)- Up front I will warn you, this movie is not original and not scary. I will also say I liked it OK. No it is far from great but it works. Sarah Michelle Geller is a girl in trouble, of course. She has been having visions and has been cutting herself ever since she was 11 years old and was in a car accident with her father. She moved away from her Texas home and lives in St. Louis now and is very successful in sales because she likes to keep moving, as long as it's not back to Texas. Until she has the chance to make a great sale in Texas, or maybe something else is calling her back. Is it something from her past, or something from someone else's past? OK, it's been done a million times, and quite a few times better than this one but still, it is competently made and acted and held my interest so I'll give it a B-.
Return of Dr. X (1939)- This movie is a sequel in name only and has nothing to do with the original, save the name. Someone is killing off folks with a rare blood type. Could it be the hematology expert Dr. Flegg? How about his freak assistant, Dr. Cane (but spelled different than that), played with a weird combination of intensity and restraint by Humphrey Bogart in his only horror role. At the opening a wise cracking reporter (sigh) finds the body of a famous actress and promptly calls his editor and states "Let the cops read about it in the paper". Yeah, that sounds about right. While this is more dated humor and wise cracking reporters it works better than the original (not much better though). C.
Return of the Blind Dead (1973)- I read a review which stated that this was the strongest of the 4 Blind Dead movies and I agree. It isn’t really a sequel as the Templar Mythology is different (in the first one they were hung and had their eyes eaten by crows, here they have their eyes burned out before being burned at the stake). A small town in Portugal is having their big yearly celebration, it is the 500th year since they defeated the Templars and there will be drinks, fireworks, and Templars burned in effigy. But this time out the Templars decide to also attend the festivities. Using the same resurrection scenes from the first film the Templars rise, mount their horses and ride to town, offing folks along the way. Sub plots involving the mayor and his love of his assistant, his other assistant who also loves the assistant, and a fireworks expert hired to put on the fireworks show who used to love the mayor’s assistant and may still love her take up the time when the Templars aren’t on screen. Obvious ‘hat tips’ to "Night of the Living Dead" crop up, especially in the siege of the church and the attempt to get in the car by scaring the Templars away with a torch. For zombie movie fans the scene when the Templars first arrive in town is one of the greatest in zombie cinema. Bad dubbing, silly dialogue, and some bad acting don’t do much to lesson my grade this time out, I did like this one quite a bit and will give it an A-.
Return of the Living Dead (1985)- Set up as a direct sequel of sorts to Romero’s original "Night of the Living Dead", this movie starts on the premise that those events actually happened, with some changes to the movie to keep the military from suing the writers and directors. The action starts at a medical supply company, a new hire asks the old foreman what the strangest thing he’s ever seen is. Turns out the military accidentally sent the bodies of those resurrected in 1968, and the chemical that caused the reanimation, to this particular medical supply company, and they’re still stored there in barrels. With one swift kick the chemical is released into the air, and with a series of unfortunate events, the chemical is released into the atmosphere, where it promptly returns in the form of rain and begins to reanimate a graveyard full of zombies, hungry for brains! These zombies are fast, can talk, and can think. Throw in some punk rockers partying in the graveyard, a good punk soundtrack and you have a classic zomedy, which, for the most part works really well. Sure, everything is over the top (although, compared to Eurotrash the gore isn’t as excessive as the films reputation would have you believe), especially the acting, but it works in an almost horror three stooges sort of way. The reaction of the actors to their impossible situation is perfect and gives the movie the fuel it needs to work, played straight, this would’ve probably been a forgotten installment in the zombie subgenre. A.
Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1994)- Despite the presence of two future stars (Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey) this one is a total waste. I couldn’t figure out if they were going for camp humor and failing or actually trying to be serious, and failing. This is bad from the start but eventually becomes barely watchable. It just breaks down into lots of yelling and characters that make no sense at all. Some high school kids get in a fight at prom and somehow end up lost and hunted by the newest family of Texas nutballs. And this time out Leatherface is a tranny. OK for the MST3K treatment but not enough to make the craptacular scale. F.
Return of the Vampire (1944)- Lugosi's first part as a 'real' vampire since 1931'2 Dracula. For the most part this movie works (it was supposed to be basically a sequel to Dracula but Columbia couldn't get the rights to the name from Universal). Professor Armand Tesla who many years before studied vampirism and then became one after death. He is killed in 1918 and staked down but a German bomb during a WWII London blitz uncovers his grave and some workers remove the stake, thinking it is shrapnel, and Tesla returns to exact his revenge on the family of the woman who helped stake him years before. There is some good atmosphere created here and the plot is fairly original and I think I liked this one more than most reviews I've read. There are a few problems but it is a classic old school vampire flick. One problem, Tesla's 'familiar' is some sort of slave werewolf which is silly. I guess Columbia was chasing the success Universal had had combining there monsters in movies like "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man", which also starred Bela as The Monster. B+.
Return To Horror High (1987)- This movie is a "comedy". The slasher movie had run its course by this time so all that was left was to turn them into comedies, with varying results. Here? Well, a movie crew moves into an old high school (literally) where a slasher killed some kids and they begin to make a movie detailing the events. The killer from the original was apparently never caught and of course, people start dying, and hilarity ensues. Well, not really. There are a couple of site gags that work but they are few and far between, but the whole approach is so self-deprecating that you really can’t fault it. They are making fun of themselves making fun of horror movies so I guess on that level it works, but it was still pretty annoying! D-.
Revenge of Frankenstein (1958)- Classic sequel to Hammer’s "Curse of Frankenstein", here we find the good doctor about to be executed. Of course he has made a deal with one of the executioner and heads off to continue his work under the name Dr. Stein. He helps the poor (for spare parts of course), and takes a young eager doctor in as his assistant. The man who helped him escape needs a new body, and he gets one as the doc won’t back out of a deal, but the man’s eagerness to try out his new digs gets everyone in trouble. Peter Cushing is great again as Frankenstein, sitting somewhere between evil and sympathetic he pushes the doctor’s ambition to new lengths, and Hammer’s original take on the story works really well. The look and feel of these Hammer flicks is just great. Some of the lab scenes are goofy, like the eyes floating in the aquarium (check it out to see what I mean), but I’m pretty sure that was done tongue in cheek anyway. A
Revenge of the Creature (1955)- Some scientists hope that maybe The Creature wasn't the only Creature in the Amazon. They turn out to be right and bring a Creature back to Florida for study. Then we are subjected to the study which consists of jabbing The Creature with a cattle prod while in the water (is that a good idea?) this goes on for about 6 or 7 hours then the Creature finally breaks lose. He finds the girl he loves, who the main scientist also loves (of course) and then they follow the Creature into the Everglades (which are a lot deeper than one would think) and along the Florida coast for another 8 or 10 hours (yes, this is a 17 hour movie, or so it seemed). No cool underwater photography to look at in this one. Just greedy scientists, "Shoot first, ask questions later" cops, and eye-candy-Creature-attractors. D-.
Revenge of the Zombies (1943)- More or less a sequel to "King of the Zombies" and more or less the exact same movie. This time. Rather than zombifying folks to get information from them, the Nazis plan on raising a zombie army to fight for them. I think I can say, without giving too much away, it totally backfires on the mad scientist, competently played by John Caradine. The idea of a zombie army is good, and was done in 1936’s "Revolt of the Zombies", and done quite a few times after this one too. Racist comedy relief keeps us all in stitches again too. Probably better made than "King..." but that doesn’t mean it’s better to watch. Not fun enough for the craptacular scale. D
Revolt of the Zombies (1936)- A better title might be revolt of the former zombies because the revolutionaries are no longer zombies. I guess this is sort of a prequel to "White Zombie" except it takes place in Cambodia where apparently there are some strong Voodoo Cults or something. Some Voodoo types try and persuade the French that using zombies in the war would be a good idea. (That's WWI by the way.) They seem to agree and then they disagree, and, although confusing, we seem to be off in a nice zombie flick. Switch to Cambodia where some people are on an expedition for something Cambodian. They sit around and talk, there's a love triangle, more talking, a party with love triangle tension and talking. Some walking around, a hilariously rotten staged swamp scene, the finding of the Voodoo formula, talking, zombie making, talking, love triangle mess, zombie making, talking and somewhere in there a revolt of former zombies. Except for the terribly great swamp scene the final grade is an F.
Ring Two, The (2005)- First the good. I usually assume that a sequel will basically be a remake of the first, basically more of the same, sometimes with a twist. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. This movie picked up where the last one left off and started out like it would be more of the same, but the plot then took a turn and went off into another direction. That about does it for the good. The dead little girl is annoyed by Rachel's attempts to stop her from killing people, so she decides she wants to possess Rachel's weird little kid so Rachel can be her mommy?!?! The movie was slow, the characters annoying, the plot and ending, typical Hollywood pap. It also seemed a little irresponsible in suggesting women with postpartum depression "Listen to the voices" and kill their children. Strange. Some parts were 'creepy' (the little girl is pretty effective even in part 2) others were just dumb (attack deer?). Over all I was disappointed since I liked "The Ring" quite a bit and this was a weak effort. D-.
Ring, The (2002)- Another American remake of a Japanese thriller. In this one if you watch a particular video you'll be dead within several days. But how, and why? Our heroes try and find out, before it's too late for them. This movie contains some interesting visuals, genuine scares, and a nice twist at the end (although you will see it coming it still works). It's also a nicely directed tale that keeps you involved in the movie. A.
Ringu (1998)- The original Japanese version of "The Ring". Although it has been a long time since I’ve seen the American version so a direct comparison is hard for me, these two movies seem very similar, although "Ringu" is definitely ‘Japanese’. The story is basically the same, people who see a certain video wind up dead in 1 week. A reporter and her professor ex-husband look for a reason and think they have found it, but have they? Well acted and directed, I gave the American version an A so I will give this one the same.
Rope (1948)- Hitch wanted to film a movie in one continuous flow, like a stage play. A camera could only hold 8 minutes of film at a time though so Hitch used 1 camera and did 8 minute ‘takes’, making the camera flow with the movement on the set, and ‘hid’ the edit points. His use of blocking and camera angles, despite this technique is amazing, as is the acting. The story? We have two obnoxious rich kids, one out going and verging on psychopathic, and one slightly more introverted, nervous, and impressionable. They decide some people don’t deserve to live so they kill one of their ‘friends’, hide him in a chest, and then invite friends and family (including the deceased’s father and girlfriend) over for dinner, which is served on the chest containing the body. The whole thing, from the directing to the acting to the story is pulled off brilliantly. Watch the sun set and the clouds move outside the window too as the whole thing was filmed on a stage. A must see for Hitch fans or film enthusiasts in general. A+.
Rosemary's Baby (1968)- Things are going great for Rosemary. Her and her husband found the perfect apartment, they have nice and caring, albeit eccentric neighbors. Her husband has found some good work (he's an actor). And she's pregnant. Despite all this something seems terribly wrong. Could it be a hormonal imbalance caused by the pregnancy? Maybe she is just becoming a little paranoid, or worse, going crazy. Or maybe... Just maybe there is a big conspiracy with practically everyone she trusts involved and she is in fact pregnant with Satan's child. You decide. This movie is handled with seriousness and is pulled off with great direction and acting. A very paranoid, claustrophobic feeling is created and held throughout and we get the feeling, in no uncertain terms, that the late 60s marked what may just be the beginning of the end times and horror has run with that idea ever since. It's an excellent adaptation of an excellent book and a very influential movie in the horror movie pantheon. A+
Saboteur (1942)- It’s WWII and the Nazis are looking into a little sabotage on the American home front. A worker at an airfield tries to help fight a fire, turns out there’s gasoline in that fire extinguisher and his friend has died using it. This guy takes the blame but he knows who the real culprit is, too bad the real culprit doesn’t seem to exist. Cross-country chase ensues. Hitch takes us along for the ride from ranch, to truck driver, to blind pianist, to circus freaks, to the desert, to New York City and the Statue of Liberty. This movie is very similar in theme and feel to "North by Northwest", complete with the ending on an American icon. Although a little too long, it is some great directing and black and white cinematography. B-.
Sadist, The (1963)- Another 1963 watershed moment. Little known film beyond cult fans and the makers of "Kalifornia", "Badlands", and "Natural Born Killers", it deals with a halfwit couple that can only feel power and control when they make others beg for their lives. The begging doesn't pay off though as the couple kills everyone who gets in their path. Three schoolteachers on their way to a Dodgers' game have car trouble and pull into a repair shop in the middle of nowhere. Little do they know the halfwit couple is there waiting for someone to show up with a car. What follows is, at least by 1963 standards, a pretty good examination of depravity and the battle for control. Some of the acting is a little over the top but the story and the cinematography are pretty cutting edge, especially considering the budget. The payoff at the end works well too as the Dodgers' game plays in the background and life goes on, without a clue as to the darkness in some people's souls. A+
Satan Bug, The (1965)- Not really a horror flick, but, as I’ve said before, the end of the world is pretty horrifying. Scientists at a secret government installation have invented a virus for a germ warfare project; this virus has a 100% death rate and spreads extremely fast. If it is released it would end civilization in a matter of weeks. The virus is stolen, along with several vials of another deadly, but less effective virus and Cold War espionage follows. It’s a little hard to follow at times and is very dated but it still works pretty well, the end is kind of a disappointment though. B-.
Satanic Rites of Dracula, The (1974)- I've read so much bad about these later Hammer flicks that my expectations were really low, so naturally I liked it. I think this is an underrated movie. Yeah, the plot is convoluted espionage 70s James Bond hokum and the terribly dated music reflects that angle but it still worked pretty well. Yeah, it is an excuse to get some damsels in distress and for another face off between Dracula and Van Helsing so at the end of the day there is nothing really new but it is an OK take on the characters. Dracula has enlisted the help of some scientists as he has decided to destroy the world with a new and more deadly strain of the black plague. But won't that kill Dracula too since there will be no food? Van Helsing thinks that just may be Dracula's plan. There are some odd senseless devil worshipping scenes complete with naked lady alter, probably to generate some controversy and free hype thrown in for good 70s measure. And another thing you really notice from these Hammer vampire stories. These vampires have a TON of weaknesses. I mean really all you have to do is pick up a couple twigs and hold them up in a cross and DON'T DROP THEM! Or have some silver, or garlic, or sunlight, or holy water, or ... A B+ may be generous but that's what I'm giving it since I expected total crap and got a decent story.
Saw (2004)- A serial killer has stumbled on a great way to kill his victims. Give them a way out, but one that would make them do something they wouldn't want to do, or figure something out that will be hard to do. Then fashion it all in a way that symbolizes how they are wasting their lives. Put the whole movie together in a mix of flashbacks hashed out by people trapped in a filthy bathroom and soon to become the killer's next victims. Original twist on an old theme. I was very impressed with this flick and actually watched it twice before returning it to the video store. Great acting and very original directing make what could have been a train wreck work very well. Incredo ending that I have to admit I did not see coming. A+
Saw II (2005)- Man I really dug "Saw". Yeah it had that "Se7en" serial killer feel but the twist at the end made it all worthwhile, as did the way they set up the victims. Impressive writing and directing as well as acting. So would "Saw II" be able to continue? In this one the cops capture the Jigsaw Killer, but was that skill, luck, or did he want to be caught? And what fait awaits those the good detective has busted in the past? Man, I can't give too much of a synopsis without leaking too much info so I'll stop there. This movie works really well and I liked it. No it's not as good as the first because you know what to expect. Not literally "I know what is going to happen" but more "I saw the first one and this wouldn't betray that." And it doesn't, which is good because it uses what made the first one successful in a good way. I think if you liked the first one you'll like this one. B+.
Séance (2001)- A Japanese movie reminiscent of "The 6th Sense", "The Grudge" and several others, yet despite the influences it remains very original (although it is also sort of a remake of an older British movie "Séance on a Wet Afternoon"). Here we have a sound engineer and his psychic wife. They lead painfully boring normal lives. The husband doesn’t seem to really mind, but the wife is tired of not being able to hold a job because she sees dead people, and tired of not being taken seriously by university professors or the police for her abilities (that doesn’t really sound too boringly normal to me). Anyway, a little girl is kidnapped from a local park, the wife is asked to help by the police (at the behest of a university student studying psychics) to help in the search and through a quirk of fate (and nothing psychic) the little girl ends up at her house. Rather than just do the right thing she decides she should make the police think she solved the case psychically, her husband goes along with the plan and things don’t turn out so well at all. I read where this was a film that looked at the family in modern life and the things we do to fill the time while we wait for death, and also how we choose our own fates. That seems about right. Some didn’t like the ending but I liked it quite a bit and couldn’t help but smile as I began to realize what was going to happen. Keep in mind this is a very subtle horror movie, No gore, no ‘gotcha’ jump-scares, just everyday people working their jobs, eating their meals, and finding themselves in not so ordinary circumstances. Having said that, for me personally, these are the types of movies that seem to scare me more now as I get older, despite the obvious supernatural element, this movie still feels real and believable and had that ‘sticks-with-me’ atmosphere. I’m giving it an A+, if you like the subtle, slowly paced Asian approach this is for you.
Scanners (1981)- Cronenberg likes looking at the human condition, inequality, and science. And here he rolls all that into one strange sci-fi horror flick. Scanners are people with ESP and telekinetic powers. Some can just hear other’s thoughts, some are advanced enough that they can make people’s heads explode (a pretty famous head exploding scene is included). Over all the plot is at times a little hard to follow, basically the government is researching scanners, one of them rebels and kills other scanners who won’t join his movement so the government sends out their best scanner to find the evil scanner, and along the way the government may actually be double dealing with the scanners and the company that makes the drug that helps the scanners control their minds... or something like that, if you really think about it it makes no sense at all. Over-all this is a good flick though, if you like these 70s (early 80s) sci-fi horrors. It’s a little tough to take the whole thing seriously as the actors make goofy faces as they make things spontaneously combust etc. and the lead actor just seems a little too laid back for his role. Still, despite some obvious flaws and a dated feel, this is a good flick with a good enough message underneath. I’ll give it a B-.
Scared to Death (1947)- I’ve read a lot of reviews stating that this is you’re basic hilariously bad movie so I was expecting something in the craptacular range of an Ed Wood movie. But the movie really wasn’t that bad. Now don’t get me wrong, the plot only barely makes sense at all and the one-hour movie feels like three hours, but it still wasn’t quite as inept as some I’ve seen. The performances are passable, the dialogue terrible, and the directing staged